Unravel Me
by PinkNekoQueen
Summary: Trying to cope with the grief of losing his gran, Aoba cheats on Koujaku. With Noiz. The strange anti social young man then finds himself falling for Aoba, and in the process of exploring the feelings he can't understand, accidentally destroys the life Aoba had been trying so hard to rebuild. Sort of AU. Kou/Aoba, Noiz/Aoba. Re posted on AO3 by me under the name 'Lucem'
1. A Rough Night

It was under the dull glare of a flickering orange street light that Noiz laid eyes on Aoba Seragaki. The older man's long blue hair caught in the glow as he stumbled along the street, swaying from side to side like a tree caught in strong winds. He turned toward Noiz, the illumination of the light bringing out the sharp angles of his sweaty and flushed face. His light brown eyes, although hazed over with intoxication, held a sharp glint of rage. "Are you following me?" He suddenly cried, his voice slightly slurred. True, Noiz had been following him, if only out of curiosity. Aoba Seragaki was meant to be the infamous Sly Blue, notorious for being undefeated in Rhyme. Noiz was surprised to find out he was a drug addicted moron that stumbled around at night yelling at strangers. The man was a mess, inebriated on God only knows what, and probably driving himself to an early grave. Noiz didn't expect to be spotted this early on, but it didn't matter to him that much anyway.

"So what if I am?" He asked, his unimpressed gaze travelling over the man before him.

Aoba looked taken aback for a second, before he started staggering toward Noiz. "Well stop it. Go away!" He shouted, waving his hands as if to shoo him away like a stray cat.

Noiz sighed. The idiot was making a big fuss over nothing. "Don't want to." He replied, his expression unchanging.

"Maybe I need to go this way too."

"No!" Aoba yelled. "You're stalking me!"

"That's right." Noiz replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

But Aoba was too out of his face to comprehend the sarcasm and took it seriously.

"Leave me alone." He said, his eyes wide with terror, his voice rising with panic. It looked to Noiz like Aoba was trying to swing his fists at him, but in his drunken state the motion caused him to lose balance. Then he tripped over the pavement and fell face first onto the road with an ungraceful thud as he landed. Noiz looked at him, sprawled out on the ground, his clothes covered in filth and his hair a straggled mess.

"Idiot." He muttered. When Aoba didn't get up, he felt slight concern rising in his chest. Concern for another human being was rare on Noiz's part, but Aoba still had the potential to be a worthy opponent in Rhyme.

"Oi." He called out. No reply. He walked over to the man lying on the road, and leaned over to examine him. There didn't seem to be any blood or sign of injury, and his chest was still rising and falling normally. Satisfied that he was alive, he decided to take off, leaving the unconscious idiot on the side of the road. Someone else would find him. It was their problem now. Just as he stepped away though, he felt something clamp around his ankle, and heard a soft giggle. Looking down, he saw Aoba's long pale fingers wrapped around his lower leg, and his brown eyes shining with tears. The blue haired man let out a bitter laugh. "So you're just going to leave me here?"

"That was the plan." Noiz replied, noticing that Aoba's face was now scraped and bruised, caked in dirt and oozing blood. "What a mess." He commented, shaking off Aoba's hand. Aoba only laughed, drunken and crazed, and pushed himself up onto his knees. "Come closer." He said quietly, his mad gaze meeting Noiz's suspicious glare. Out of curiosity, Noiz leaned down toward the man, and was suddenly ambushed, pulled down to his knees, Aoba's thin arms looped around his neck. He was expecting to be attacked, but Aoba only let out a girlish giggle and planted his lips on Noiz's in a sloppy kiss. After a few seconds of confusion, Noiz returned the drunken kiss, running his tongue along Aoba's bottom lip before jamming it into his mouth. Aoba let out a soft moan against his mouth as their lips crashed together and their tongues intertwined. He revelled in the feeling of his tongue piercing catching in Aoba's mouth, clacking against his teeth. If Aoba wanted to have fun this way, Noiz was going to make the most of it. When they pulled away, Aoba was gasping, his pale face flushed. Noiz took a deep breathe and pulled the other man to his feet, grabbing him by the sleeve and dragging him toward a nearby alley, wedged neatly between two old looking buildings. He would have led him back to his place, but it was too far away and he wanted it now for some reason. The strange actions had stirred something within him that he hadn't felt in a while.

"Is this why you were following me?" Aoba asked with a chuckle as Noiz pressed him against the dank alley wall, kissing his neck.

"No." He spoke between heated kisses, his mouth lowering toward Aoba's collarbone. "But this is fun." He said, slipping a hand up Aoba's top, letting his fingers explore the other man's lean abdomen and chest. His finger tips brushed an erect nipple, eliciting a small gasp from Aoba. "Noiz. That's your name, isn't it?" He laughed softly. Noiz froze for a second. But it made sense Aoba would know who he was when he thought about it. They were both well known Rhyme players, and Noiz was the leader of Ruff Rabbit. It's not like they had never run into each other while watching matches. Noiz always caught a flash of that long blue hair among the thick crowds. It was likely Aoba had seem him too so he was bound to have asked questions about him at some point.

"You're not as stupid as you look." Noiz said, pushing up the material of Aoba's shirt, revealing his slender body and pale skin to the cold night air. Aoba only giggled in response, his face turning a deep shade of red. "I was right." He chirped, grabbing Noiz by the waist and pulling him closer. "I'm so horny!" He laughed. Noiz could see a mischievous grin spread on Aoba's lips, and see a glint in his glossed over eyes. Sweat poured down his reddened face, as he leaned in to kiss Noiz, pressing his lips onto the blonde's jawline. Noiz felt a dull warm sensation on his skin, and shuddered slightly. He could feel the hardness of Aoba's erection grinding against his own.

Aoba felt a warmth pool in his hips, and let out small gasps every time Noiz touched him. Noiz was really warm and sweaty against him, and everything seemed to be happening so fast, the night going by in a dizzying blur. He didn't even remember how they got to the alley at all. Noiz's face spun before him as they kissed, desperate heated moments in which their lips melted together and their tongues felt for each other inside their mouths, warm and wet and delicious. Aoba trembled when Noiz pressed his body into his, crushing his bare back against the cold brick wall. His blue shirt was already pulled up all the way to his chest, revealing his bare skin to the cold night air. But a warmth buzzed through his veins, making his skin tingle and his head spin, and he didn't feel the cold at all. He had no idea how he'd ended up in a dark alley getting intimate with the leader of Ruff Rabbit, but the guy was cute so he didn't really care. Right now he felt like he was on top of the world, and everything seemed to glow and sparkle despite the darkness and shadows of the night. He felt a warm laugh bubble up in his chest and he pulled Noiz closer, planting clumsy kisses down his neck, pressing his lips against the blonde man's pulse point as though he could swallow up his racing heartbeat. "Fuck me." He whispered, his tongue darting out and caressing the fleshy shell of Noiz's ear. Noiz's green eyes widened for a moment, before he nodded. Instantly Noiz reached for Aoba's belt, but while he was fumbling with the buckle, he suddenly stopped. Aoba let out an agitated sigh, shifting restlessly against Noiz, who only hushed him. In the silence, Aoba heard a voice, and shock pierced his nerves like shards of ice, breaking through the warm haze of intoxication.

"Aoba!" The voice called out again. It belonged to Koujaku.

"Seems like someone is looking for you." Noiz said quietly with a smirk.

Aoba nodded, feeling a lump in the back of his throat. Koujaku. His boyfriend. Guilt and shame rushed through him and he tried to push Noiz away. But the younger man was having none of it. His hands still on Aoba's chest, he pushed him back against the wall. "You're not so sure now are you?" Noiz asked. "Is there a reason you don't want to be caught with me?"

Aoba shook his head, and in response Noiz raised an eyebrow, lowering his hands to Aoba's belt.

"No, stop it!" Aoba said, panicking, trying to push Noiz away. But he was dizzy and his limbs felt heavy while his head felt light. The combination made him feel sick. "Get off of me." He snapped.

Noiz didn't budge. "You're the one who told me to fuck you." He hissed in a low voice. "And I intend to do that."

Koujaku's voice called out for Aoba again, this time sounding louder and more full if worry.

"Please, get off." Aoba said desperately.

"No." Noiz replied, his green eyes hardening like emeralds.

"Aoba!" Koujaku called, and suddenly a bright light lit up the alley, washing away all the darkness, exposing the two men locked together awkwardly.

"Shit" Noiz muttered in anger.

Aoba turned away, unable to stand the blinding glare. Or the embarrassment.

"What are you doing to Aoba?" He heard Koujaku demand, accusingly.

"He told me to fuck him." Noiz stated with a snort.

"Bastard!" Koujaku spat, dropping his torch, the light flickering and going out, leaving them hidden in darkness once more. He lunged for Noiz, who pulled away from Aoba to dodge the attack. Aoba felt his eyes burn with tears, and his legs suddenly felt hollow. What had he been doing? The horror hit him like a smack in the face, and he felt himself slide down the wall as his shaky legs gave way beneath him. The whole world was spinning, dark shapes whirling around him. Only now it wasn't fun, the sensation didn't make him giddy with excitement. It made him feel sick. He sat on the filthy ground, his knees pulled up to his chin, his arms wrapped around himself. To fight the dizziness, he buried his face into his knees, his shoulders trembling with wracking sobs. He could hear Koujaku and Noiz fighting and he knew it was his fault. He couldn't bring himself to look up or intervene, he wanted nothing more than to curl up against the shame and disappear.


	2. I Will Forgive You

Aoba woke up in Koujaku's bed again. The other man wasn't there, but he recognised the familiar red quilt that often reminded him of the colour of Koujaku's eyes. He breathed in deeply, rolling over so his face was buried into the comfort of the pillows. His head felt groggy and his stomach churned, faint imprints of light dancing under his tightly closed eyelids. A dull ache pounded through his heavy body, making him feel slightly sick, and his face stung a little, the pain bringing back dim memories from when he had fallen over. He was sure it would be harshly bruised. From the bathroom he could hear the faint pitter patter of the shower running. He could use a shower himself, but he didn't feel like joining Koujaku. After all, Aoba was sure that he'd over stepped the line from boyfriend to ex boyfriend with what had happened last night and he didn't even know why Koujaku still bothered to put up with him. Just as the thought crossed his mind, he heard the door slide open, and the sound of foot steps padding softly against the floor. Sighing, he looked up to see the familiar face of the man he loved, and felt a deep pang of guilt jolt through his body almost painfully.

"I didn't realise you were awake." Koujaku said thoughtfully. Aoba expected him to be angry. But he didn't sound angry. He didn't even look angry. He just stood there with his usual gentle expression, smiling kindly, his long dark hair plastered to his face with water. His full upper body was exposed, and with only a short towel wrapped around his waist, the lower half of his strong legs were on display too. Normally seeing koujaku like this, bare chested and muscular, damp with water, and the dark tattoos that spread across his shoulder and arm in swirls of ink, was enough to make Aoba feel a little excitement. Now he just felt uneasy, and he swallowed nothing but air, his throat feeling dry. He couldn't even look Koujaku in the eye without his stomach clenching.

"I'm sorry." Was all he managed to say, his voice weak and pathetic even to his own ears. Koujaku glanced at him, and something dark seemed to flash beneath his red gaze, a tell tale sign of the anger that he was trying so hard to hide. Then he closed his eyes tightly and sighed, rubbing his forehead with his fingers.

"It's fine." Was all he said, the spark of rage completely gone as though it had been Aoba's imagination in the first place. Then Koujaku crawled into bed next to him, and he moved over to allow his boyfriend space, switching into a sitting position and leaning back against the soft pillows. When Koujaku settled, Aoba glanced at him sideways, catching a glimpse of his long soaking dark hair before looking away again. He felt as though he didn't have the right to look at him, and shifted nervously as guilt twisted inside him. He'd done something awful, there was no excuse. It didn't feel right that Koujaku forgave him so easily. Before he could stop himself words were tumbling from his mouth.

"Its not fine." He said as Koujaku shifted closer to him on the bed. He could feel tears sting his eyes but he continued talking. "I have a problem. I know I do. But what happened last night was unforgivable. So please, don't smile and say its all okay. Because it isn't." He turned toward Koujaku, watching through the blur of tears as he awaited some response, his throat feeling tight and his heart hammering in his chest.

"I'm at my wits end, Aoba." Koujaku finally said after a long silence, a pained expression crossing his face. "I worry about you all the time. I know losing Tae was hard for you. I know you're not coping well. But I don't sleep when you're not next to me at night, I can't eat because I feel so unwell all the time. This needs to stop. The alcohol, the drugs, disappearing all night, coming here out of your mind and trashing things. It won't help you." He locked gazes with Aoba, who was unable to look away. Koujaku's words seemed to pierce right into his heart, every syllable like the stab of a blade. "I'm worried sick. We all are. I love you. I really love you. But I can't take anymore. If it doesn't stop it's over. I mean it. I forgive you for last night. I know it wasn't your fault. But please, no more. Don't do it again."

Aoba closed his eyes, releasing the breathe he hadn't even realised he was holding. The raw pain in Koujaku's voice, and the way his face dropped into sadness, his eyes holding a pleading gaze, was enough to push Aoba into despair and guilt. He felt the warmth of tears flow down his cheeks. "I will stop." He said, his voice trembling. "But what happened last night was my fault. I was the one who...started it. So be angry at me, yell at me, tell me I'm-" His voice cracked. He took a deep rattling breathe, trying to rearrange his jumbled thoughts into better words. "...just don't act like I've done nothing wrong."

"You've done plenty wrong, but I don't blame you. I've done worse. " Koujaku said softly, leaning closer to Aoba. The older man pressed his lips against Aoba's unscathed cheek, the soft touch sending shivers down his spine. It was so warm and familiar. He moved a thumb across the top of Aoba's cheekbone, gently wiping at the tears. "I haven't been here for you lately." He spoke into Aoba's ear, his voice strained "I feel like some of this is my fault. I don't know whether to give you space or be there for you. It seems no matter what I do I upset you. I haven't handled it well either. How can I expect you to do any better?"

Aoba's eyes widened. "No!" He said, pulling away. "Don't take the blame for my behaviour. Its my fault. I need to take responsibility. I made a mistake. Not you."

"Alright. Just don't ever do it again." Koujaku said, coming closer again, his hot breathe fanning across the side of his face. Aoba knew he was angry, he could hear the threatening tone, hidden under the softness of his voice like a blade concealed beneath a fine robe.

"I won't. I promise." He replied, unable to keep the nervousness in his gut from creeping into his voice.

"Good." Koujaku said, seemingly pleased with Aoba's answer. "I don't want any more harm to come to that cute face of yours." His tone was lighter now, and some of the heaviness in Aoba's heart lifted. He absent mindedly reached up to his aching cheek, gently prodding at the sore skin with his fingers. It felt a little swollen and rough under his touch, the applied pressure of his fingers making the pain flare up, but he had no idea just how bad it was.

Koujaku gently grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away. "Don't touch it." He said with a concerned smile. "It's just a little scrape. You'll be fine."

Then his smile faded and his gaze hardened.

"That boy, did he do it?"

Aoba shook his head. "I fell." He said quietly. Koujaku's grip on Aoba's thin wrist tightened.

"Where did that bastard touch you?" He asked suddenly. Aoba felt the blood rush to his cheeks. He couldn't answer such a question. He'd die of shame.

"You can tell me." Koujaku urged, trying to get some answer out of his boyfriend.

Aoba's jaw worked, and he averted his gaze from Koujaku, his reply getting stuck in his throat.

"We just kissed." He said finally, the lie coming out as barely a whisper. Shame painted his pale cheeks red, and he was unable to meet Koujaku's eyes with his own. Aoba could vaguely remember the feeling of Noiz's hot hands against his skin as they slid up his shirt, gliding across his chest. But the memory was hazy because of the drug and drink that had been in his system at the time. Still, they hadn't gone further than that, but it was definitely more than just a kiss.

"Aoba." Koujaku warned. "I know there was more. I know what I saw."

"...he put his hands up my shirt too..." Aoba said quietly, his face burning up.

Koujaku raised an eyebrow.

"That's it?" He asked.

Aoba nodded. "Nothing else happened."

"I can't get the image out of my head, you know." Koujaku replied, furrowing his brows.

Aoba shot him a questioning look before realising what he meant.

"That little brat with his hands all over you." Koujaku answered through gritted teeth. Then he shifted toward Aoba and leaned over, kissing his neck. The soft touch of his lips made Aoba's heart flutter. They hadn't been intimate in a while, with everything going on. Before he could do anything else, Koujaku suddenly crawled on top of him, straddling his hips and pinning him to the bed. Cold drops of water fell from his hair, needling into his skin. Koujaku began kissing him strenuously, his lips pressed against Aoba's with bruising persistence, as though he could erase Noiz's touch with strength alone. Aoba didn't like the way he was being kissed. It was too harsh, too clawing and desperate, and he could feel Koujaku's carefully concealed rage pour into his lips, not his usual warmth and love. He was too shocked to react, and when Koujaku finally pulled away, a look Aoba didn't like crossed his features briefly, a dark possessiveness flashing in his crimson eyes. "Koujaku...? Aoba said quietly, a little stunned. This wasn't like him at all. Had seeing Aoba with Noiz really riled him up so much? Of course it had. He'd cheated on his boyfriend. The thought made him feel sick with self disgust.

"Sorry about that." Koujaku said with a small grin, looking down at him sheepishly. "But what you said earlier, about taking responsibility. I'll make sure you do." He said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

After he spoke, Koujaku let his gaze travel over Aoba's face, analysing every detail through the dark wet hair falling over his eyes, dripping onto his blue haired boyfriend beneath him. The way Aoba looked at him, his brown eyes wide, his mouth slightly open in shock, made him feel a little guilty. But such an expression on his beautiful face was also very charming in its own way. He'd felt something strange twisting in his gut, and a feeling of frustration and worry pent up inside him. But after kissing Aoba, it faded, like a flame flickering out. Some of the tension left him, and he felt himself relax.

"W- what? Right now?" Aoba stammered in response to his statement. Aoba was so adorable when he was flustered, and watching his face go deep crimson made Koujaku feel a wanting burn inside him. He replied by leaning down once more and pressing his lips against Aoba's, softer this time. His boyfriend's mouth was more welcoming now, and it wasn't long before the kiss deepened, Koujaku slipping his tongue in, skilfully exploring every inch of Aoba, who gave a soft breathy moan in return, his previous protests seemingly forgotten. Every little breath Aoba took, every little gasp, every little moan that escaped his lips, they all belonged to Koujaku. No one else was allowed to see this side of his boyfriend that he loved so much. It was reserved only for him. He'd memorised every inch of Aoba's body, engraving every curve and dip of his frame, from the shape of his thin legs to his flat stomach and lean chest, into his memory. He knew exactly what Aoba wanted and needed, exactly what he liked and didn't like. No one could ever take that away from him.

With a soft sigh, he withdrew again, leaving Aoba a panting mess. The way his lover unraveled underneath him was beautiful. His pale cheeks flushed rose pink, contrasting with his deep sky blue hair. The embarrassed look on his face as he averted his gaze from Koujaku's, looking anywhere but into his eyes, trying to conceal the lust in his own. It took so little to get Aoba aroused, and they both knew it. Koujaku loved that about him. Aoba thought it was shameful and embarrassing.

"I love you Aoba" he said, a warm feeling swelling in his chest.

"I love you too, Koujaku." The feeling intensified tenfold when Aoba replied, the heat spreading through his body like thousands of tiny candle flames. It was his turn to blush now. He looked away for a moment and then leaned in to steal a quick kiss from Aoba's lips, already puckered in anticipation. Then he ran his lips along his jawline, accidentally catching a loose strand of that blue hair. Aoba gasped, shifting beneath him.

"Sorry." Koujaku muttered.

"Its fine." Aoba said, leaning back into the pillow as Koujaku's trailed his lips down his neck, a hand sliding up his shirt to caress the hot skin beneath. "Hmmm" he heard Aoba sigh, his muscles tensing under his teasing touch.

The image of Aoba pressed against the alley wall by that smug little brat, caught in the wide circle of bright torchlight flashed in his mind. He froze.

"Koujaku?" Aoba said, but his voice was drowned out by the memory.

 _He told me to fuck him._

The words echoed through his head like an annoying ringing bell. He could still see that sneer on his face, taunting him. But it didn't matter. Under normal circumstances, he would have never forgiven Aoba for that. But he was drunk, probably on other substances too at the time, grieving over the death of his grandmother. The guy had obviously taken advantage. Aoba didn't love anyone else but him after all.

He shook his head. "Its nothing." He reassured his boyfriend, kissing him more desperately now, his lips trailing down his collar bone with little nips and tugs at his pale skin. The way Aoba reacted under his touch, tensing slightly and letting out small gasps, was no different than usual. The way his skin felt and tasted against his mouth, soft and slightly salty, was no different either. Nothing had changed. But tight knot of worry grew in his gut, and he felt slightly annoyed, the feeling stirring in his blood. Seeing Aoba with someone else, that jumped up little brat, had really got to him it seemed. No one was allowed to touch Aoba that way. He had to make Aoba his again. Quickly he slid his hands up, resting them on Aoba's upper chest, his thumbs circling his nipples. Aoba let loose a small moan, trying hard to keep his voice down. Koujaku responded by pulling his boyfriends shirt up, quickly manoeuvring it over his head.

Aoba complied and before he'd even shrugged the garment off, Koujaku's tongue was tracing around one of his erect nipples, at first teasing and licking the nub, pushing it around with wet flicks, before placing his mouth over the area around it and sucking, licking and tugging with his lips and tongue. Aoba's adorable little squeak of pleasure, just barely contained, was enough to make Koujaku feel heat pouring into his stomach and groin. "Koujaku...! Aoba exclaimed hoarsely, when he began going lower, leaving a trail of kisses down his pale stomach, stopping only to unbuckle Aoba's belt and remove his pants and underwear. Aoba was completely naked now, and Koujaku couldn't help but stop for a few seconds and admire the sight. He'd seen it a hundred times before, but it never became any less beautifully breathtakingly sexy. The way his chest was rising and falling rapidly, still glistening with saliva, the way his hair was long and messy and dishevelled, falling over his shoulders like a flurry of blue water, the way his eyes glistened like brown quartz, blazed over with passion and his cheeks were so red that it looked like his face would soon start burning. It was all so perfect. Placing himself between Aoba's legs, he reached down, gripping his boyfriend's stiff cock in his hand. He managed to tear a loud moan from Aoba's perfect lips when he began gently stroking. With every movement of his skilled hands, Koujaku heard Aoba gasp sharply, a whimper sometimes escaping from his mouth. He wanted to hear more of that voice, more of those gentle moans and pleasured screams and soft gasps that Aoba let out just for him and him alone. While pumping up and down the shaft with a bit more force, he traced his fingers around Aoba's asshole with his other hand, enjoying the way his body shuddered under the touch. "K-koujaku" Aoba suddenly said, trembling voice spilling from his lips. "You can't."

Koujaku stopped, raising an eyebrow. Worry tightened in his gut. Why did Aoba want him to stop? Why was he hesitating? Did he really not want him anymore?

"What?" He asked, as though he'd heard it wrong.

Aoba looked at him and bit his lip before dropping his gaze abruptly. "I...I need a shower or something." The words tumbled from his mouth.

Koujaku let out a soft chuckle of relief. That's the only reason Aoba was hesitating. "Now you tell me? I don't care anyway." He couldn't help but smile as he spoke. He went back to jacking off Aoba, his grip getting tighter, his movements speeding up again. Precum began dripping from his tip, and Aoba was now letting out small moans with every stroke up and down his shaft. Koujaku could feel the want building in his own area, with the sight of Aoba's face twisted in pleasure and the feeling of his hot dick between his fingers. As if Aoba knew what he was thinking, he tried to push himself up. "L-let me do something." He said between pants, reaching forward toward Koujaku's waist. Koujaku normally wouldn't have protested, but today he didn't want Aoba to do anything. He pressed his hand against his boyfriend's chest, firmly pushing him back down against the mattress. "No." He said sternly. Aoba tried to resist, but with one hard look from Koujaku, he gave up all resistance and ended up propped up on his elbows, his head leaning back as his hips raised into Koujaku's touch. Koujaku ran his thumb over the head rubbing gently at the soaking slit. He saw Aoba's legs tremble, his hand shooting up to cover his mouth. Koujaku reached over with his free hand toward the bedside table, searching blindly around the surface for the tube of lubricant they usually kept there. When he finally grabbed it, he stopped pleasuring Aoba for only a second to coat a generous amount on his fingers, then he quickly cast the tube aside and began stroking Aoba again whilst smearing it around Aoba's entrance. Aoba opened his legs wider, letting out a strangled cry when Koujaku began inserting his middle finger. As usual it was so warm and tight inside, and Aoba seemed to suck his finger in, the ring of flesh contracting around it. He longed to use his dick in place of it, but if he didn't prepare Aoba properly it would be a lot more painful. He dipped another in carefully and began slowly stretching him out with ease.

Aoba found himself letting out shuddering moans with every pump of Koujaku's fingers inside his ass, and every stroke on his erect dick. The pleasure pooled in his hips and built in his stomach like fire, shooting straight to his groin. A sweet numbness spread through his legs, and he trembled, not sure how much longer he could hold on. While he didn't like sitting back doing nothing, Koujaku was being controlling today and wouldn't let him do anything. Distantly he worried about the uncharacteristic behaviour, but he couldn't deny the pleasure was especially intense and before long he gave in, letting himself get drowned in the amazing feeling of bliss. He bit his lip hard to try and stop himself from moaning. He knew it was nothing to be ashamed of anymore, Koujaku had seen this side of him uncountable times, but every time he heard the sound of his own voice echo through the room like that, he couldn't help feeling a little embarrassed. With his eyes closed tightly, he couldn't see Koujaku, and was surprised when he pulled his fingers out abruptly, and then grabbed his hips, pulling them up to align his dick with his entrance. A familiar warmth suddenly filled him, accompanied by tight pressure and a little pain. Rather than entering slowly, Koujaku pushed in with desperation, letting out a long shuddering sigh. Aoba's eyes shot open, going wide. "Koujaku!?" he gasped. The look on Koujaku's face made Aoba feel a strange stir of shock and desire. His boyfriend was leaning over him, looking down with possessive and lust glazed eyes. His face was sweaty and flushed, and he was biting his lip. "Sorry, its been a while." He muttered, taking a deep breathe. Then he bent down to kiss Aoba, a deep lingering kiss that left them both gasping when he pulled away. It had been a while. Too long. He felt a swelling desire grow within him, a crackling heat inside him.

"Just fuck me." Aoba replied shamelessly, heat rushing to his face. With a stiff nod and a deep flush, Koujaku began slowly thrusting into him, his cock embedded inside and prying him open. It hurt a bit more than usual, since they hadn't had sex in a while, but soon the pain ebbed away and was replaced with only a growing pleasure. With every movement, his hardened dick hit against the tense muscle of Koujaku's stomach, the added stimulation creating even more pleasure, and Koujaku began speeding up, egged on by Aoba's unrestrained moans. Soon he was pounding into him, scraping against his wet inner walls, the bed creaking so loudly beneath them he was sure the sound would drown out all of the sweet noises escaping their lips. Aoba's legs were open wide giving Koujaku better access, his feet dangling helplessly in the air. Every thrust seemed to go so deep inside him, the sensation running through his nerves getting sweeter and sweeter as he trembled and cried out with pleasure, his fingers gripping into the bed sheets beneath them. He tried to move too, to rock his hips in rhythm against Koujaku, but he grabbed Aoba's hips, digging his fingers painfully into the soft skin and holding him still. Every harsh thrust seemed to hit that one spot inside him that made his chest constrict and his body shudder and set his nerves on fire with electric shocks. Every time that dick plunged inside him, he almost screamed with pleasure, the noises tearing from his raw throat before he could stop them. Sweat poured from every pore in his body and his vision began to swim, his consciousness fading as he drowned in the intense bliss. He could feel himself getting closer to the edge, it was only matter of seconds before he'd be pushed over. He could hear Koujaku's heavy pants and soft groans above him. He looked up to catch a brief glimpse of Koujaku's face. His eyes were closed tightly and his face was scrunched up, lost on the throes of pleasure. His hair fell over his shoulders, still damp, swaying around him as he moved. "K-koujaku!" Aoba cried after the next deep, plunging thrust. "I'm going to-aaaahh"

Koujaku quickly rested one of his hands over Aoba's, and somehow he managed to interlace their fingers before he came, his semen shooting out all over Koujaku's stomach in a pearly string, his toes curling almost painfully. Koujaku squeezed his hand tightly, his long drawn out groan filling the room, and a moment later Aoba felt a warmth spreading inside him. He took deep breathes in an attempt to recover as Koujaku pulled out and rolled off of him. They lay in bed shoulder to shoulder, chests rising and falling rapidly, breathing chaotically, hot and sweaty and basking in the afterglow. Koujaku was the first to move, after what seemed like a blissful eternity of hearing nothing but his lover's soft panting breathes, he reached over and took Aoba's hand,interlacing their fingers and holding them tightly. In turn, Aoba rested his head in the crook of Koujaku's neck. Koujaku kissed the top of his blue hair.

"I love you." He said with a soft sigh.

"I love you too." Aoba replied tiredly.

"Aren't you hungry, Aoba?" Koujaku suddenly asked. The question reminded Aoba that he hasn't eaten since noon yesterday. He didn't even know what time it was now. The curtains were closed, only dull grey light trickling through and he had been to distracted to check the digital clock on the bedside table.

"Now that you mention it, yes. What time is it?"

"It was about seven when I went for a shower. Who knows what time it is now."

"Seven?" Aoba repeated. "Like, in the morning?"

Koujaku let out a small laugh. "You really are insane if you think you're capable of getting up that early. It's the evening, sweetie."

"I really slept for that long?" He asked, shocked.

"Yeah. Now let's clean up and order take out. I can't be bothered cooking tonight."

Sounds like a plan." Aoba replied lazily, looking up at Koujaku through half lidded eyes.


	3. Green Tea For Breakfast

Aoba frowned at himself at the mirror, his pale reflection frowning back at him. There was a huge bruise on his right cheek, blotching the area around his cheekbone with yellowish purple. The skin was still tender to the touch, so every time he showered or bathed and water got on his face it stung a little.

"You better not be touching that." Koujaku's spoke from behind him, making him jump.

"I was just looking." He replied, the annoyance clear in his voice. "I thought you were still down stairs anyway."

"I just came up to ask what you wanted for breakfast."

"Just green tea." He replied.

"You need to have a proper breakfast." Koujaku sighed, suddenly grabbing Aoba from behind and wrapping his arms around his waist. "You've gotten a little thinner." He said affectionately into the back of his neck, his breathe tickling the feathery blue hair. Aoba's heart fluttered at the sensation, his body tingling all over. He could see their reflection in the small oval shaped mirror. His own face was getting red, heat pouring into his cheeks. The look on Koujaku's face behind him wasn't much different, but he still managed to seem more composed. "K-koujaku, I need to get ready for work." He stammered, trying to break free of his boyfriend's embrace. But it was a futile attempt, Koujaku was stronger than him and barely seemed to notice him squirming in protest.

"It's only eight." Koujaku replied with a sly smile, hugging him closer.

"We still have time."

It was true. Aoba wasn't supposed to be in until nine thirty, and the junk shop was only a ten minute walk from their place. But he hated how Koujaku always got him like this, purposely trying to push his buttons and fluster him. Well he didn't hate it, he just wished that for once it would be the other way around. "Shouldn't you be setting up shop soon?" He asked, trying to change the subject.

"That can wait. I can set up any time."

That was also true. It didn't matter when or where, as soon as Koujaku set up his hairdressing business, women would come flocking to him in masses. Men too. He had a sort of celebrity status in Midorijima, or so he said. He was just popular because he was good at cutting hair, young and handsome.

His hold around Aoba loosened a little. "Aoba?" He said, his voice full of concern.

"What?" Aoba replied.

"You are okay, right?"

"I'm fine." He said, leaning back into Koujaku's chest, the soft fabric of his red kimono brushing against his head. The slight sensation in his hair sent a dull shock through him. He'd always been able to feel pain in his hair for some reason, but these days it was only really painful if it was pulled or cut. "I'm just a little nervous. It's my first day back after all."

Koujaku gently rested his chin on Aoba's shoulder, planting a light kiss on his lower cheek. The sudden warm touch made Aoba tense slightly. "You shouldn't be nervous. You've worked there for years now." He said reassuringly.

"Yeah... But..."

"No buts." Koujaku said firmly, tightening his arms around Aoba once more. "You'll do fine."

The way Koujaku held him in his loving embrace and reassured him, washing away all his uncertainty, made Aoba feel safe and secure, a warm joy spreading through his heart. He remembered why he fell in love with this man, his childhood friend, his best friend. It was the kindness in his smile, the caring gaze in his eyes, the gentle tone of his voice. The way he was always there for Aoba after everything they'd been through together. Protecting him, standing up for him, giving him hope and keeping him from despair, and the way he was always able to make him laugh or cheer him up when he needed it most. Koujaku was always there, as his rock to keep him steady when he faltered, his shield to protect him from harm. Aoba hoped he was able to return the favour, if even a little. He didn't know what Koujaku saw in him but he was infinitely grateful that his boyfriend loved him.

"I love you." He said quietly, shifting in the circle of Koujaku's arms and turning to face his lover. Koujaku's cheeks went red, his eyes wide with surprise at the sudden deceleration. "I love you too." He said, reaching out and gently tracing Aoba's lips with his long, calloused fingers on one hand, the other still firmly resting on Aoba's waist. He bent his head down, landing a quick peck on Aoba's lips. For a few minutes their kisses were soft and grazing, just gentle brushes of their lips, filled with reassuring warmth and love. But it didn't take long before they became more fervent, Koujaku biting at Aoba's lip, letting his tongue slide into his mouth as their lips met with a bit more force. Aoba glanced at the clock on the bedside table behind them. The bright green numbers read '8:06.' They still had plenty of time. His lips merged with Koujaku's, their tongues dancing together inside each other's mouths erotically. His boyfriend's hands ventured down to his ass, pressing against the cheeks through his pants and pulling him closer, grinding their groins together, which made Aoba let loose a sharp moan. Koujaku smiled against his lips, clearly pleased with the reaction. Aoba let his hands slide up to Koujaku's chest as they kissed, gliding over the soft material of his kimono and reaching towards the collar, tugging it down. It fell away, revealing his bare shoulders, smooth and muscular, one patterned with dark ink. Koujaku let out a soft chuckle and shrugged the garment off, letting it slide to the floor in a flurry of red. Aoba stared for a moment, lost in the sight of his boyfriends smooth inked skinned and perfectly muscular upper body, before he felt Koujaku tug at the hem of his own shirt, fingers sliding underneath it and tracing his abdomen, prompting him to take it off. Quickly he complied, and soon he too was shirtless, feeling a little self conscious of his pale, slender body. It seemed he really had lost a little weight. The other night he'd been so distracted and caught up in the moment, he didn't even notice or think to worry about it and since then he hadn't really looked at himself closely or given himself time to examine his body. It never really crossed his mind. But when he looked down at himself, his stomach was flatter than usual, the grooves of his hips stretching under his skin and the lines of his ribcage visible. It wasn't a major change, he'd always been thin and lanky, just not to this extent. Concern knotted in his gut. Was it because of what Koujaku said earlier? What if he was trying to hint that he didn't find Aoba attractive anymore? Koujaku must have noticed the worry on his face, because he gently kissed him once more, lips brushing his soft and reassuringly. He didn't need to say anything to let Aoba know everything was fine. The adoration and lust were clear in Koujaku's seductive red eyes. Relief fluttered in his chest, the negative thoughts erased from his mind immediately. They'd been together almost a year, no way something like that was going to cause any problems. Koujaku began kissing him again, lowering his lips to his neck, his collarbone, each touch a warm wet burst of passionate heat on his shivering skin. His hands slid back down to Aoba's behind, fingers brushing the waistline of his pants before slipping under the elastic. Aoba gasped, wrapping his arms around Koujaku's neck, hands running through the hair on the back of his head, playing with it as Koujaku continued to work on the skin around his neck, nibbling and sucking. Somehow they'd managed to drift closer to the wall during their passionate make out session, and now Aoba's naked back was pressed against it, the cold vertical surface slightly painful against his spine. But the way Koujaku was kissing his body, with both burning passion and hunger and his usual restraint and gentleness, took his mind off of it. The warmth and wetness of the mouth teasing his skin had lowered to his upper chest, swirling over his nipples and sucking on the tender nubs. It was enough to send electric shocks straight to his groin, the pleasure intensifying greatly when Koujaku's erection rubbed against his through the confining material of their pants. It seemed Koujaku had already decided it was time to remove their oppressive clothing, and was pulling at Aoba's pants, hands fumbling at his fly before eventually diving in to find what he was looking for. A small moan bubbled up from Aoba's throat when Koujaku began sensually stroking him, eventually pulling his throbbing arousal out and sliding his pants and underwear down over his hips, letting them fall to the floor in a pile around Aoba's ankles. Aoba decided to return the favour, that it was time to take control and get little revenge for the other night. He reached for Koujaku's belt, trying to undo the buckle with shaky fingers, but it was hard to concentrate with Koujaku's grip on his length, steadily pumping up and down. "Let me." Koujaku said, his voice low and seductive. Aoba only nodded in reply, his voice caught in his throat as a fiery heat poured into his hips. Koujaku stopped for only a second to swiftly undo his own belt, but Aoba seized the opportunity to give Koujaku a pleasant surprise. His own desire could wait, because he had the sudden need to tend to Koujaku's more thoroughly. Taking a deep breathe in an attempt to still his trembling nerves, he slid to his knees, his head level with Koujaku's privates. He wanted to show Koujaku just how much he loved him and appreciated him, as well as get the man flustered and watch him lose control.

"Aoba!?" Koujaku gasped, when Aoba grabbed his shaft in his hands, holding it at the base firmly, while tentatively caressing the tip with his tongue. He was rewarded with a sharp hissing moan, and looked up to see Koujaku's face flushed red, his eyes wide and heated. "Aoba." Koujaku groaned quietly as Aoba softly kissed the sensitive skin, running his tongue up and down the shaft before slowly taking in the head. It was hot and twitched happily in his mouth, filling it completely as he swallowed it up. He hadn't done this in a while, it was more difficult than he remembered to open his mouth wide enough to stop his teeth from scraping Koujaku's cock. When he'd managed to the take in as much as possible without choking, he began bobbing his head in a steady rhythm, listening for Koujaku's answering moans. Koujaku's legs were trembling, and he fell forward, his arms stretched out, using the wall behind Aoba to support himself. It must have been taking everything he had not to thrust his hips into the welcoming heat of Aoba's mouth. "Aoba!" He said, his voice strangled. "You don't have to-"

Aoba tactically swirled his tongue around the swollen head, which silenced his boyfriend.

The sight of Aoba, shirtless and on his knees, head bent and bobbing as he sucked Koujaku off vigorously was enough to drive the older man crazy. The heat of his boyfriend's mouth taking him in, the wet caress of his working tongue, the dribble of saliva, the soft muffled moans he let out that sent vibrations through him like bolts of lightening. It was all too much to take in at once, igniting a fire within him and leaving him craving for more. He looked down at Aoba with heated eyes, the intense pleasure quickly pooling around his groin. "Fuck." He swore softly as he felt the warmth of Aoba's tongue caress his length inside the pleasant heat of his mouth. He knew he was leaking into him, he could feel the slickness of something other than saliva as Aoba earnestly worked away. He found one if his arms wandering down, gently stroking the blue locks of Aoba's long hair. His boyfriend shivered below him at the tender touch.

"Aoba." Koujaku said with a soft pleading tone. "Let me-" his breathe hitched, his words stuck in his throat as Aoba ran his tongue over the tip, deliberately licking up some precum with exaggerated wet flicks. He looked up at Koujaku with a steamy gaze, smouldering light in his pale brown eyes. "Let you what?" He asked, his voice muffled with his perfect lips wrapped around the tip of Koujaku's cock. Koujaku swallowed, heat pouring into his cheeks. He'd never seen Aoba like this. Usually by now he was a jittering mess, blushing and stuttering as Koujaku forced him over the edge of pleasure and into bliss. But this Aoba was different, he was in control and calm and it was unbelievably sexy. It was almost as sexy as having him sprawled out beneath him on the bed, letting out embarrassed moans and trying to hide his face. Koujaku let slip a small moan at another energetic bob of Aoba's head, the slick warmth of his mouth rippling around him. He almost clenched a fist into Aoba's hair, before realising that it would be painful for him. He settled for gripping into his shoulder, brushing away the loose strands of messy blue hair. Aoba was pleasuring him too intensely, too quickly. He wasn't the most skilled at this sort of thing, but he knew what he was doing and knew what would get Koujaku riled up the most. The ignited spark in him was growing into a burning flame, building up dangerously. He knew soon he would be thrust over the edge, but Aoba didn't seem to care. A warm hand stroked his thighs and he shuddered, electricity shooting up his spine. Aoba fondled his sacks as he greedily consumed, letting out hot moans and making Koujaku tremble all over. "Aoba!" He gasped, his voice hoarse. He gripped Aoba's shoulder tighter, fingernails digging into the pale flesh. With a soft groan, he arched his back, slightly bucking his hips forward into Aoba's inviting mouth. The pleasure swelled within him, the climax coming in slow glorious waves until release finally rushed through him, erupting into Aoba's welcoming mouth, who enthusiastically swallowed and licked up every last drop. He took deep shuddered breathes, his tense body relaxing as he tried to cool down. "Aoba" he said, his voice barely a whisper as Aoba let go of him. With a deliberate lick of his lips, he looked up at Koujaku. "Sorry, I got carried away." He said, his face flushed.

Koujaku sank to his knees, coming face to face with the kneeling Aoba.

"I love you." He said affectionately, wrapping his arms around Aoba, gently kissing the shoulder he'd gripped on to earlier. The skin was slightly red and small dents still remained where his nails had dug in. "Did I hurt you?" He asked, feeling a little guilty.

"No." Aoba said, shaking his head.

"Good." He said, voice filled with relief. He noticed Aoba was fully erect, and decided it was time to take care of that. He rested his head on Aoba's shoulder, letting one arm caress his back, tracing his fingers down his smooth shoulder blades and the line of his spine, while the other reached for Aoba's erect member, grasping it firmly. Aoba jolted with surprise, letting out a gasp. Koujaku began firmly stroking, feeling the fire grow within his own belly despite being released only moments ago. He wasn't able to cool down after all, seeing Aoba like this.

"I missed you he said." The words just coming out if his mouth in the heat of the moment.

"Eh? What?" Aoba murmured in response, his eyes closed as he relished in the feeling of Koujaku's skilful strokes.

"I was so, so worried. For over a month...I barely saw you. I barely touched you. It was hell." He said lowly, a little surprised at himself for admitting it. "I'm just so happy I can be with you normally again."

"I'm sorry. Me too. I love you." Aoba responded between sharp gasps.

Koujaku continued with his caressing fingers, smoothly running them up and down Aoba's length, rubbing circles over his wet tip with his thumb which made Aoba cry out, throwing himself forward and wrapping his arms in a loop around Koujaku's neck tightly. Using the momentum, Koujaku shifted, pulling Aoba into his lap, his half hard cock smoothly rubbing against Aoba's weeping erection, sending a bolt of electricity through him. Aoba's legs were wide open, one knee resting on the floor either side of Koujaku's outstretched legs, arms still around Koujaku, face buried into his neck. They'd moved away from the wall, just enough so that Koujaku could sit with his knees only slightly bent. He was really liking this new position they had found themselves in. The sight of Aoba on top of him, naked and straddling his hips, was enough to make Koujaku harden again, pulsing heat pouring into his area as their erections touched. Aoba lifted his head and kissed Koujaku, a deep lingering kiss filled with heated passion, moving his arms so his hands rested on Koujaku's chest, gently pushing him down. Koujaku leaned back, complying with Aoba's pressing touch and soon he was propped up on his trembling elbows, Aoba bending over him as they kissed. Aoba's long blue hair pleasantly brushed against the bare skin of his collarbone and chest, sending shivers up his spine. Koujaku tasted his own bitterness on Aoba's tongue but he was beyond caring at this point. They broke their kiss only to find air when they ran out of breathe. Then Aoba sat back up in a sitting position, lowering his bands, gripping both their hard ons in the circle of his fingers and rubbing them together with force. They both moaned together in a chorus of pleasured cries."I want to ride you." Aoba whined pleadingly, his face going bright red.

Koujaku nodded slightly, barely trusting himself to speak. Aoba rarely voiced his desires and instead just let Koujaku take the lead during sex. This was all too much for him to take in at once. He had no idea what had gotten into Aoba, but he was loving it.

Aoba felt his cheeks burn up as soon as he spoke. The look on Koujaku's face as he swallowed and nodded was worth the embarrassment though. He shifted, slightly raising himself up, just enough to manouvre one hand to his behind. Then gently began prodding his own entrance, circling it before carefully slipping his finger in. Right now, he felt no shame, and he put himself on display for Koujaku, who stared up wide eyed. Of course he'd done this to himself before, but only when he was alone. It was embarassing to be seen like this infront of someone else, even Koujaku. But he was determined to do this, so with a certain amount of resolve, he slipped one finger into his asshole. It was a little tight at first, and very hot. But Koujaku had now taken over on jacking them off, and the intense feeling of pleasure made the pain and discomfort fade fast as he added another finger with a small moan, pushing deep inside himself, stretching his ass out and rubbing against his walls. Usually Koujaku did this for him, and his fingers were slightly longer and thicker than Aoba's. After a few minutes, he figured he was loose enough, and removed his fingers and then raised his body, positioning himself with a little guidance from Koujaku, who gently stroked his hips, lowered himself onto his stiff length, slowly taking it all on from head to base. The slick precum smeared all over Koujaku's dick made the entrance smoother. That familar warmth filled him, and even though he knew exactly what was coming, he still gasped as it stretched him even more, rubbing against his inner walls with almost choking tightness. "Kou-jaku." he cried, his voice strangled. There was some pain and pressure, but mostly it felt amazing, to be connected to his lover like this. And he knew as soon as he started moving the discomfort would fade and he'd feel nothing but pleasure. First with gentle rocks of his hips, he began. Koujaku gasped, closing his eyes for a moment, his body trembling. "Aoba." he said softly. Koujaku now lay down almost flat, his hands splayed out on Aoba's hips, and Aoba leaning over his chest, hands spread on his shoulders to give himself some support. His warm fingers burned into Aoba's skin and his groans prompted him to move more, rocking himself on his knees with more speed and strength. Koujaku began thrusting too, bucking up into Aoba making his entire body jolt, loud moans escaping his lips. He didn't try and keep his voice down. As embarassing as it was, he knew Koujaku loved the lewd noises he made so he didn't hold back. The pleasure began building up and electricity ran through his nerves, sending numb chills all over his burning body. Soon the wet noises and the sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room. The feeling of his sweaty thighs against Koujaku's hot hips, his dick forcing its way inside him over and over with considerable strength was too much. Each thrust going deeper and deeper as it rubbed his inner walls raw, their laboured breathing as they gasped and moaned together, the look on Koujaku's face as he stared up at Aoba with a heated gaze. It was all too incredible. Aoba arched his back into the pleasure, feeling Koujaku's trembling fingers grab his dick and begin clumsily stroking as they both pounded into eachother vigorously. He felt the pleasure swell within him, building up quickly, and began moving more desperately now, moaning as he got closer and closer to the edge, clenching himself around Koujaku and digging his hands into the skin on his shoulders. Already he could feel himself being pushed toward climaxing, Koujaku's penis swelling inside him as his fingers firmly stoked at his dick, making him cry out. The waves of pleasure became more intense as they crashed upon him, and soon he was pushed over, suddenly releasing his load all over Koujaku's stomach. A moment later, Koujaku's entire body shuddered beneath him and he let out a gasping moan, and Aoba felt warm semen spread inside him as Koujaku grabbed his hand where it still pressed into his chest.

"Fuck..." the older man muttered, trying to catch his breathe. Aoba took long deep breathes, trying to calm down. His body still shuddered, thinking of the intensity of the orgasm as he climbed off of Koujaku and slumped against the wall. They both sat in silence for a while, Aoba sitting cross legged against the wall, Koujaku lying sprawled out across this floor with his feet resting in the space between Aoba's thigh's, dangerously close to his sensitive area. Then a flash of bright green caught his eye, and he looked at the clock, the large numbers reading. '8:43'

"Shit..." he muttered, reluctantly pushing Koujaku off and getting to his feet, slipping his now rumpled clothes back on. Koujaku's gaze followed his toward the clock, and with a sigh he sat up. "You still have time for breakfast." he said with a smirk as the numbers changed to '8:44'

"Just green tea." Aoba muttered with a shake of his head.


	4. The Triplets

Ren was in the kitchen, packing away the groceries from his weekly shop, when he heard a knock on the door. He closed the fridge, setting the half empty shopping bag on the table and was just about to go and answer it when he heard Sei call out. "I'll get it!" There was the sound of footsteps rushing down the stairs, followed by the sound of the front door being swung open. With a sigh, Ren got back to storing all the food, quickly packing things into the fridge and shoving tins into the cupboard. It was only when he heard a raised voice that he stopped, his brows furrowed with worry as he listened.

"Where is he then?" he heard a deep and unfamiliar male voice ask, angrily.

"I-I don't know." Sei replied quietly, sounding nervous and baffled. Ren decided it was time to intervene. He made his way to the front door. "Sei, is there a problem?" he called as he rounded the corner. Sei glanced back at him, looking a little distressed. "H-he's looking for Aoba." Sei blurted, his voice quavering slightly. Ren felt his over protective brotherly instincts kick in. Sei just seemed so fragile sometimes, like he was made of glass and if you touched him he'd shatter. He could be pretty shy at times, and Ren hated the thought of some stranger at the door speaking to him like that. He gently rested a hand on his brother's shoulder. "It's okay. I'll deal with it." Sei shot him a look of relief, his dark eyes trembling.

"So, why are you looking for Aoba?" Ren enquired, once Sei had left. The boy on the doorstep scowled at him, his green eyes dark. He looked like a boy afterall, probably not even twenty, with peircings all over his face and short blonde hair poking out from under a patterned winter hat. His pale green eyes regarded Ren with scorn. "Where is he?" he demanded, ignoring Ren's question. Ren frowned. He wasn't used to dealing with such rude people. No wonder Sei looked so upset. "Who are you?" he asked.

The blonde rolled his eyes. "Do you know where he is or not?"

"I haven't seen Aoba in weeks, sorry." he replied honestly, trying his best to sound polite. The boy snorted. "Whatever." he said with a harsh glare. And then he just turned and walked away, leaving a confused Ren to watch him as he left. "I wonder what all that was about?" he muttered to himself. He had a bad feeling about it all. Closing the door, he headed back to the kitchen to finish putting everything away, only to find it all neatly in order, Sei sitting at the table with a nervous smile on his face. "Do you think we should warn Aoba there is a scary man looking for him?"

Aoba's first day back at work was relatively quiet. He worked in a small modest junk shop called Heibon that sells parts, both new and used for Allmates, coils and other technical gear. Wedged between a cafe and a bar, and run by a kind and understanding bespectacled man named Haga, Heibon was a simple shop and a comfortable place to be employed at, if a little bit of a cluttered mess. He dealt with a few customers, took a few phone calls, but nothing too complicated that he couldn't handle. He didn't know why he'd felt so nervous coming back, after, as Haga had informed him, almost five weeks. He'd barely slept the night before, and had fretted for so many hours that his nerves were rubbed raw. Although, after what had happened before breakfast this morning, he felt a lot better, even though it still hurt to walk and he was glad that he was able to stay seated for most of the day.

"Aoba!" Haga called from somewhere in the back of the shop. "It's just about closing time, you can leave now."

With a weary sigh and a stretch, Aoba put down the technology magazine he'd been reading out of boredom for the last twenty minutes. It was almost four o'clock, and the place had been dead quiet for over half an hour. He got to his feet slowly, and then slipping into his jacket and slinging his bag over his shoulder, made his way to the door. "All right. Thank you, Mister Haga." he called back.

"Oh, and Aoba?" Haga appeared at the doorway to the store room, looking at Aoba through the thick lenses of his black glasses. "I'm glad you're doing better now." he said with a gentle smile. Aoba returned the smile. "Thank you." he said, with a brisk nod.

On the way home, he stopped at a recently opened coffee shop around the corner to grab himself an espresso in hopes it would keep him awake after his sleepless night and long day at work. He'd started coming here for coffee on the way to work some mornings, but had stopped after his Grandmother died. It was a decent looking place, small and cosy, always smelling of cakes and coffee beans. With plenty of round wooden tables holding decorative menus and matching cushioned chairs, there was plenty of places to sit. It was lined with large windows, giving it a more bright and spacious feel as well as a view to look at. The counter was directly opposite the door and had a large selection of cakes and snacks advertised behind a glass panel, and the barista behind the counter, and older man who reminded him a little of Haga, only without the glasses, was always friendly and chatty. He was glad to see the place hadn't changed, because he found the design and layout quite nice, and the atmosphere comfortable and friendly. Since it was only a few minutes from his place, as an afterthought he decided to buy Koujaku something too, and he ended up buying a cup of hot chocolate as well. Just as he was about to leave, he saw a familiar face staring at him through the glass window on the door. Dark eyes, wide with surprise met his as he opened it "Aoba!" Sei said cheerfully, moving to embrace his brother before stopping himself on account of the two steaming cups in Aoba's hands. Instead he just smiled warmly at him. "It's been a while. How are you doing?" It had been a while. He hadn't seen his brothers, Sei and Ren, since their Gran's funeral. He refused to go and visit them, they still lived in their old house where they grew up with her. He didn't want to go back there yet. He just wasn't ready to step through that front door knowing she wouldn't be there.

"Yeah, it really has. I'm doing fine, thanks." he said, smiling back. Sei hadn't really changed a bit. He still had a very soft, almost feminine air about him, as much in his appearance as in how he spoke and carried himself. Being two of the three triplets, Aoba and Sei shared almost identical facial features and aside from Sei's complexion being slightly paler and his eyes a different colour, there was no real difference at all between them. But somehow Sei managed to seem more dainty and effeminate than Aoba, with his higher voice and gentle smile. His black hair had gotten a little longer, now just resting on his shoulders, and his eyes, despite being dark as night, held a certain brightness, filled with compassionate warmth. "And how are you, Sei?" Aoba asked as they began walking and talking.

"I'm doing great. I've finally settled in at my new job. I think one of my coworkers has a thing for me." Sei said. His voice was light and cheerful.

Aoba glanced at him sideways, questioning. "New job?" he asked. "Wait, who has a thing for you?"

"Oh, I started working in a cafe." he said, smiling fondly. His fine cheeks were dusted with a rose pink colour as he spoke. "I-it's nothing. A-anyway, how about you? Are you still working in that junk shop?"

"Y-yeah. I took some...extended leave because of everything. But I actually just restarted today." Aoba spoke carefully. He wasn't sure how much his brother knew about the past month or so. Both him and Ren had probably heard something, either through Koujaku or other mutual acquaintances such as Mizuki, but he wasn't sure how much they knew, so he wasn't going to say anything.

"Oh, that's nice. Well it's good to see you smiling again. It's been pretty tough lately, but we have to stick together. If you ever need anything, just come and visit us, okay?"

Aoba froze, shards of ice running down his spine. The thought of going to that house was all too much at the moment. He just nodded stiffly, unable to speak, hoping he didn't look too distressed. Sei smiled at him. "I'm guessing this is where we part ways." he said, gesturing toward Koujaku's house. "Oh, I just remembered. There was a young man looking for you this morning. Ren and I tried calling you about it earlier, but you never answered."

"What?" Aoba asked, confused. "Who? What did he look like?"

"I don't know who he was. He had lots of piercings and he was really rude. And scary."

"Oh, shit..." Aoba muttered. That sounded a lot like Noiz. But why was Noiz looking for him at Gran's? It made no sense.

"Anyway, I'll see you around, Aoba." Sei said, darting off. Aoba felt unease creep into his gut. He had a bad feeling about this.

When Aoba walked into the house, he found Koujaku sitting at the kitchen table, looking a little spaced out. His gaze seemingly unfocused, he looked right past Aoba before actually seeing him. When he did, he blinked hard, then rubbed his eyes. "Oh, Aoba!" he said, sounding a little apologetic. "Welcome home. How was your first day back at the shop?"

"It was fine." Aoba shrugged, sitting the hot chocolate on the table in front of Koujaku then pulling up a seat across from him. The kitchen in Koujaku's house was spacious and stylish, with the same traditional Japanese design as pretty much the rest of his house, all wooden flooring and oriental decorations. It was a really nice house for Midorijima, maybe not quite top end of the market, but definitely not too cheap either. Aoba sipped on his coffee, the dark bitter liquid swirling down his throat and instantly giving him a buzz to wake him up. "So how was your day? Everything okay?"

"Yeah...yeah." Koujaku replied tiredly. "I've just had a hard day."

Aoba raised an eyebrow. "Hard? How? Isn't your job usually easy."

"Yeah, but today two women decided to start fighting. It got out of hand so I left."

"Oh...that's rough. I don't need to ask what they were fighting about, do I?" Aoba said in a heavily sarcastic voice. It was no secret Koujaku was a big hit with the ladies, and Aoba knew he used to mess around a lot. But ever since they got together, those days were behind him for good. Understandably, it used to make Aoba feel a little jealous and insecure, but now it didn't bother him in the least. He knew Koujaku wouldn't do anything with anyone else and he trusted him.

"Well, whatever." Koujaku said wearily. "Thanks for the hot chocolate." he said with a weak smile.

They sat in silence for a while. Koujaku seemed pretty stressed out, and he shifted every now and then, looking as if he wanted to speak before closing his mouth in a tight line and falling back into silence. It was Aoba who spoke first, breaking the tense quiet. "I've got a few deliveries to run tomorrow, so I might be home a bit late." he said, his nerves a little taut. Koujaku seemed slightly awkward, maybe even on edge right now and he didn't like it.

Koujaku looked up, his gaze a little blank. "Oh."

He didn't seem to be in a very talkative mood. Irked by his lack of response, Aoba took a deep breathe to calm down. "Koujaku?" he said, taking a more serious tone. "Is everything okay?"

Koujaku looked at him, red eyes locking with his. "...It's fine."

Aoba leaned forward in his seat, intently holding Koujaku's gaze, who abruptly looked away.

"Well whatever." Aoba said, finally giving up. Standing up, he dumped his now empty coffee container in the trash and headed toward the door. "I'm going for a shower." he muttered. He heard the sound of Koujaku's chair scraping against the wooden floor. Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder, stopping him. "Hey, Aoba." Koujaku's voice was low, sounding a little strained. "Can we talk about something?"

Aoba turned to face his boyfriend, suddenly feeling worry twist in his gut, his blood turning to ice. Something felt really wrong. with the way Koujaku looked at him and the way he spoke. For some reason it all screamed 'break up' to him. He nodded, unable to speak. Preparing for the worst.

"It's just today...I spoke to Ren about something." Aoba frowned, taking in his words. What did his brother have to do with anything?

The confusion must have been written all over Aoba's face, because Koujaku began to hastily elaborate. "It's just that. Ren said there was a man at your...Gran's place. Looking for you."

Aoba's eyes widened with the sudden realisation. Now it made sense. Ren must have mentioned Noiz to Koujaku.

"A young blonde man. With piercings. Like the guy in the alley..." Koujaku explained nervously.

"Oh...Sei just mentioned that to me."

"How?" Koujaku suddenly demanded, his hand still on Aoba's shoulder, gripping tighter. "How does he know where you used to live?"

Aoba was taken aback at the harshness in his voice. "I don't know." he said, a little bewildered.

Koujaku's eyes narrowed, studying Aoba's face. "You said it was the first time you'd met him that night Aoba, so how does he know where you lived?" he snapped.

Aoba could feel himself getting worked up now. Noiz had somehow found his old home, which was really a cause for alarm. He could have a stalker on his hands, and yet all Koujaku could do was get angry at him. He had every right to be angry about the alley, but not about this. Aoba knew just as much as he did.

"I don't know!" he cried. "I swear, I've never spoke to the guy before then."

"He was looking for you. At your old home." Koujaku said firmly. "You must have told him where you lived that night then."

Aoba tried to recall, but the events were still a fuzzy mess, hazed over like a half forgotten dream. He might have said something like that for whatever reason. But why would Noiz even be looking for him in the first place? It made no sense. "I don't remember saying anything about when I lived there. But...it's not impossible." he said quietly, unable to meet Koujaku's intense gaze.

Koujaku sighed. "You were out of your damn face." he said, sounding frustrated. "Of course you wouldn't remember."

"I'm sorry. I've said it a million times. But I'm sorry." Aoba said, his voice breaking. "He was a drunken mistake, that's it. There's nothing more. I've told you everything I can remember. I don't know why he was looking for me."

Koujaku sighed, the serious look on his face softening. "I know." he said, his hand on Aoba's shoulder loosening. "I'm just worried." he sighed.

"I messed up." Aoba said quietly. He could feel his eyes burn, the stress of the situation overwhelming him.

"Aoba." Koujaku said softly, pulling his boyfriend closer to him. He felt the anger fade a little, the built up tension releasing from his body after speaking about it. He hadn't meant to get so angry at Aoba in the first place, but after sitting at home for a few hours, alone with his thoughts as they stirred up in his mind, they'd began to go astray, wandering down dark paths. He'd let it all get to him, and when Aoba finally came home he was frustrated and paranoid. He'd convinced himself there was something going on between Aoba and that boy, jumping to conclusions based on little evidence, and gotten worked up over nothing. He could see that now, looking at Aoba's face, his light brown eyes shining, and his pale lips trembling as he held back tears. There was no doubt in Koujaku's mind that Aoba was being sincere now. He really had nothing to do with the other boy beyond that night. "I'm worried." he repeated. "I don't want to lose you."

A small noise of embarrassment rose from Aoba and he closed his eyes, pushing out a tear.

"I love you." Koujaku said quietly, pulling his boyfriend into an embrace. He felt Aoba's tense muscles relax in his arms. "I love you, too." Aoba mumbled into his chest, with a sniff.

"I shouldn't have gotten so angry." Koujaku began stroking his fingers through Aoba's hair sensually. "I don't like fighting with you."

Aoba spoke with a trembling voice, looking up at Koujaku with wide eyes. "It's all my fault, I cheated on you." he said, his face twisting into self disgust. "I caused this. Not you. Me."

Koujaku stared at Aoba for a moment. He could see the regret written all over his face, and felt a little pang of guilt. Aoba really hated himself for what he'd done, and snapping at him over this had only made him feel worse. He let his fingers wipe away the tears on Aoba's cheeks, and then kissed his boyfriend softly on the lips. "Whatever happens, Aoba." he said reassuringly. "I'll be by your side."


	5. The Worst Surprise

A flash of long blue hair, silvery in the pale moonlight, trailing through the darkness like a flowing stream of water. The blue haired man disappeared around a corner with quick and graceful steps, out of Noiz's view once more. He needed to follow. He didn't know why, but he knew he needed to follow him. Picking up his pace, he pursued him, the urgency rising in his chest almost chokingly. He turned the same corner on the same dark and empty street, expecting to see the blue haired man standing in front of him. But the sight that greeted him was another barren road, shrouded in shadows and darkness. He let out a frustrated sigh, and scanned the street, keen green eyes observing every crack, every crevice, peering through every window. But it was empty. Every house, building, path, alley. Completely abandoned by everything except the reach of the dull moonlight.

His heart felt heavy, hopelessness weighing on him. Then he heard that voice behind him, soft and sweet but with an edge of mischief, echoing through the night. "Noiz."

He turned a lot quicker than he meant to, almost stumbling over his own feet.

"Aoba?" He asked warily, his gaze travelling down the man's smaller body. He a plain blue shirt that looked quite tight, clinging to his upper body, accentuating his slender form. His jeans were low and loose, tucked into his heavy boots. His light brown almond eyes met Noiz's and he smiled, redness rushing to his cheeks. "I've been looking for you Noiz." He said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. Then he closed the gap between them, and before Noiz could even think to react, Aoba had looped his arms around his neck, pressing their bodies close. He looked up at Noiz with a heated gaze, biting his lip. "Just fuck me." He said seductively, drawing him into a frenzied kiss. Then they were back in that alley, Noiz's hands running over Aoba's chest, teasing playfully as they kissed desperately. He rode his hands up Aoba's shirt, pressing the blue haired moron against the cold brick wall. "I'd love to fuck you." He said, panting between kisses. Their tongues slid together, dancing and teasing in each other's mouths, Noiz's tongue piercing clacking against gum and tongue and tooth alike. Aoba gave the small metal orb a tentative bite, tugging it slightly. Noiz's whole body shuddered at the sensation, fire shooting to his groin. He lowered a hand, palming the bulge in Aoba's jeans. "Ahh" Aoba moaned in response, biting down on Noiz's bottom lip. A sharp unfamiliar feeling shot through Noiz's nerves and he pulled away, his skin tingling harshly.

"What's wrong?" Aoba asked nervously "Did I hurt you?"

"No..." Noiz replied slowly. "I don't..."

But he realised it as he spoke, tasting the salty blood in his mouth. Aoba was right. It had hurt. It was pain he'd felt, a sharp intense pain. The blue haired moron looked up at him, his expectant eyes sparkling. "Come on." He pleaded seductively, shyly dropping his gaze.

He kissed Aoba again, but the pain flared up once more when their lips met. He quickly pulled away again, not used to the unpleasant feeling searing through his nerves like fire. It was impossible for him to feel pain unless he was in rhyme, but even then it was nothing like this. He looked down at Aoba, whose face was creased in confusion, his eyes wide with distress.

"This isn't..." Noiz said softly. "I don't..." He furrowed his brow, staring at the blue hair before him.

Noiz awoke with a start, feeling as though he had just crashed into the ground, his body jerking with that falling sensation that made his heart leap. "Fuck." He swore softly, pushing himself up through the tangle of sweaty bed-sheets. His heart was hammering in his chest and with some annoyance he could feel it pulse into his lower regions. His throat felt so dry it was like it was lined with paper, so he decided to head to the kitchen for a drink. Slowly he got out of bed, the chill night air a welcome relief for his flushed skin. Stumbling around in the darkness in nothing but his boxers, he eventually found the light switch for the hallway and guided by the dull yellow glow he made it to the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water, quickly gulping down the ice cold drink. Slamming the empty glass down next to an ever growing stack of unwashed dishes, he headed back to bed.

After lying on his back in the dark, staring at the ceiling as his mind raced for what felt like hours, Noiz decided it time to give up on the idea of getting any more sleep. Usually when he slept, he experienced either nightmares or a dreamless oblivion. But to actually dream of Aoba? What did they call these type of dreams? Wet dreams? But why Aoba? He'd even went as far as to find out where he lived and go looking for him at his house yesterday morning. What hold did that blue haired moron have over him? He just couldn't get him out of his head since that night, and now he was even invading his dreams too. Every time he closed his eyes, he felt like he was back in that alley. He could almost feel Aoba's warm desperate kisses, the heat of their bodies pressed together. With frustration, Noiz bit down on his lip, but he felt no pain, even when the tender flesh broke and warm blood flowed from the split. There was just the slight pressure of his teeth digging in. He tried to recall the pain, to imagine what it felt like. It was as though his nerves were singing out, every muscle in his body jolting and writhing beneath his skin, every frizzled hair standing on edge, his mind screaming. It felt a little shocking at the time, but when he looked back, he realised it was sensational, even exhilarating. Now that he was awake, he felt nothing when he bit down and the realisation left him feeling hollow and bitter. Wiping away the smear of blood, he dragged himself out of bed. His alarm clock read '6:42am'. Tiredly, he changed into his clothes, shoving a thick green hoodie on over a white t shirt and plain jeans. Maybe a morning walk would clear his mind.

The streets were pretty empty, save for the occasional jogger, dog walker or unfortunate person who had to go to work this early in the morning. It was almost surreal how quiet it was this early, because he was used to walking down these same streets when they were far more busy, people noisily bustling about their daily business like loud and annoying moving obstacles to overcome. It was almost nice, because he didn't have to put up with them now, in the still quiet of early morning. The sunlight was distant and dull, shining weakly through thick sheets of watery grey cloud in pale rays. He walked around aimlessly, listening to loud electro music through earphones connected to his coil. The beat was intense and repetitive, driving away any thoughts in his head before they could even form. He liked it that way, because he didn't want to think right now. He wasn't worried about getting lost, he knew the island really well, but on the off chance he came across an unfamiliar place, he could always check the map on his coil. He must have wandered around for an hour, down twisting roads that felt a bit like a maze, wide empty streets lined with closed shops and silent houses, narrow paths that separated into winding labyrinths. But he'd become extremely bored eventually and decided to head back. The fresh morning air now felt stale, and the annoying beat of his music was beginning to drive him mad. While walking at a slow and lazy pace he caught a flash of blue hair, just by the window inside an unfamiliar coffee shop. He stopped for a second, taken aback a little. Something seemed to stir inside him, his heart fluttering into life like a bird in flight when he recognised Aoba, who sat alone at a table by the window, staring tiredly into a hot drink. His long blue hair was tied back, one side falling over his shoulder. He looked kind of cute like that Noiz observed, before he could stop himself from thinking it. The expression on Aoba's face was sort of blank, as though he was about to fall asleep over his drink, and there were dark circles of exhaustion ringing his eyes like ugly bruises blossoming on his pale skin. Maybe just like Noiz, he'd had a sleepless night. The dream suddenly flashed vividly in his mind, and he quickly looked away. He had the sudden urge to walk in, to be closer to Aoba. It was ridiculous, he knew, and instantly felt shame swelling with in him. But he gave in to his urge, and trying not to stare, he pushed his hood up to hide his face and walked into the shop. Instantly, he was hit with a strong whiff of bitter coffee and the sound of quiet, sleepy chatter. There were a couple of other people sitting at small round tables, but mostly the place was empty. For some reason he just wanted to get closer to Aoba. It was strangely thrilling, and made his heart race. He felt like a hunter circling around his pray, taking aim, just about to make the shot. He really had no idea why. What was he even doing? He felt like a stalker. He remembered drunken Aoba, screaming at him in confusion, accusing him of being a stalker. He had to hold back a bitter chuckle. He didn't even see the point of being here, yet here he was anyway. He wouldn't talk to Aoba. The man wouldn't remember him anyway. Or maybe he would, but he'd hate him. Why did he even care about such things in the first place anyway? It wasn't like him to care about what other people thought. Everyone around him was a burden.

He found himself at the counter, greeted by a friendly old man with a cheery smile. He turned down the volume of his music, just in time to hear the man speak. "Good morning, sir!" he said brightly. "What can I get for you this morning?"

Noiz hadn't really given much thought into what he wanted. He wasn't sure if he even liked tea or coffee. He looked up, to a large wooden plaque behind the man, with a list of hot beverages and their prices, engraved in dark bold writing. He chose something randomly from the list. "A large hot chocolate." he said. "With cream."

"Sitting in, or are you in a hurry this morning, sir?"

Noiz hesitated for a moment. Something told him he should just take it and go, but some part of him wanted to stay. To be near Aoba. He couldn't comprehend the strange feeling swirling within him. Maybe it was desire? All he really wanted was to sleep with Aoba after all. Nothing more. "Sit in." he said reluctantly with a sigh.

"That'll be 560 yen, sir." the man said with a smile.

Noiz quickly completed the transaction with his coil.

"Thank you sir. Enjoy your drink." the man chirped. Noiz rolled his eyes, and wandered off to grab a seat. The overly friendly barista was a bit overwhelming so early in the morning. He chose his seat carefully, not too close to Aoba, but not too far away either. He cursed himself for being so foolish. He was just sitting down, and yet he was thinking about it so strategically, almost as though he was putting together a battle plan. When Noiz finally sat, he sipped on his hot chocolate. It was warm and rich and sweet and went down smoothly, filling his stomach with a bubbling heat. He actually kind of liked it, although maybe it was too sweet. Every now and then, he discreetly glanced in Aoba's direction. The other man hadn't noticed him at all, but he was reluctant to remove his hood encase he was spotted.

Aoba stared blankly into his coffee, feeling the warm misty vapours heat the cold skin on his face. He'd barely taken a sip, even though it tasted perfectly fine, it just felt like acid as it swirled down his throat and settled in his stomach. He had barely slept last night, due to being worried sick about the fact Noiz was looking for him, and the little spat between him and Koujaku. Although it seemed like they'd made up, there was clearly still some unspoken tension between them. He'd tossed and turned all night, feeling restless and uncomfortable, unable to drift into a proper sleep. Even when he dozed lightly, his fears and anxieties came to haunt him in twisted nightmares that made him jolt back awake in a sweaty panic anyway. Finally, he'd dragged himself out of bed at six in the morning, feeling drained of life like a zombie. He had to be at work for around eight anyway, so he decided to leave early and sit around in the coffee shop. Honestly, he just wanted to be alone, away from Koujaku for a while. He felt really uneasy about their relationship right now, despite his boyfriend saying countless times that he was forgiven, things between them seemed a little tense so he thought it was best to just leave it alone. He had been sitting here for well over half an hour, and was now on his second cup of coffee. The heat buzzed through his veins, but he still felt rather sluggish. Glancing at his coil, he checked the time. It was 7:36. The junk shop was just around the corner, so he probably wouldn't have to leave for another twenty minutes. His coil suddenly rang, making him jump with the loud, high pitched ring tone. He answered quickly, only to hear Koujaku's voice, sounding gravely concerned. "Aoba, where are you?" he asked from the other end.

"I went for coffee." Aoba replied tiredly. He was caught off guard by the call, and felt a little bewildered at Koujaku's concern.

"I was just really worried when I woke up and you weren't there, Aoba." he said, sounding relieved.

They spoke for a few more minutes, but it was just awkward small talk, the conversation didn't flow like they normally did, and after a while Koujaku said he was going back to bed because it was too early to be awake on one of his days off. Aoba felt uneasiness claw at his nerves when he hung up. Since when had things between them become so strained anyway? He thought they were going to get back to normal, how they were before his life fell apart. He had hoped that slowly they would rebuild it all, fit the broken pieces back together. But somehow he had a bad feeling it was suddenly going down hill again, that it was bound to break again. He tried to ignore the negativity, festering away in his gut like a rotting wound, but he always thought about it, his mind always wandering back and picking at it like a child picks at a scab. Was he really going to be ok? Was his relationship ever going to return to what it had once been? Would Koujaku ever really forgive him, or trust him again? The more he thought about it, the worse he felt, and the worse he felt, the harder it was to talk to about. With a sigh of frustration, he downed his coffee and grabbed his bag. He'd be a little early for work, but it meant he could help Haga open the shop. He had to do something, to take his mind off of it. There was no use lingering on it, wallowing in misery.

Aoba slung his back over his shoulder and stalked toward the exist, feeling a little grim.

"Do come again, Aoba." the owner of the shop, Mr. Morimoto called as he walked by, with a small wave and grin.

"Will do." he said, trying to sound as energetic as his current state would allow. The streets were still quiet as he walked the small distance between the coffee shop and the junk shop, but signs of life were beginning to stir, the early birds awakening to start the day. He took a deep breathe of the chill morning air in an attempt to clear his worn out mind before work. He needed to be focused and hard working, he couldn't let his personal problems get in the way of his job or he might end up losing it.

The morning went by without a hitch. It was a little busy, but mainly basic requests he could deal with as usual. As the afternoon dragged on it began to quieten down, and just before lunch time there had been no sign of any customers, phone call, or in person for at least twenty minutes. "Aoba?" Haga said, in his usual kind tone. "Do you think you could handle a couple of deliveries after lunch?"

"Yeah, no problem." he replied. After that Haga left in a hurry, saying something about making a run to the bank, leaving Aoba alone to take care of things. He was used to watching the place on his own, and knew more than enough to get by without Haga's assistance. After a while, he heard the door time. Looking up from his coil where he was reading a news article, he expected to see Haga returning. But instead it was a customer, wearing a heavy lime green jumper with the hood up, shadowing the top half of his face, obscuring his features. Aoba's nerves instantly felt a little tight. He didn't think it was a particularly warm day, nor was it raining, so it seemed a little odd to be dressed like that. But with a polite smile, he greeted the man anyway. "Welcome to junk shop Heibon, how can I help you?" he said. his voice unwavering.

There was a moment of silence, and for some reason the atmosphere felt really tense.

Then he pulled his hood down, revealing his face, and Aoba felt his blood run cold. Short wispy blonde hair, intense green eyes, lots of piercings, an unamused look on his face.

"Noiz." he said quietly. "W-why are you here?"

"Maybe I'm looking for some parts." he muttered, casually sliding his hands into his pockets. Aoba stared, feeling shock slowly wash over him, sending chills down the back of his neck like the touch of icy fingers. The hazy memories from his drunken night came pouring back into his mind in a vivid swirl that touched all his senses. He could almost feel those hands on him, hear his own shameful moans, taste those lips. He quickly took a step back, heat rising in his cheeks like flames.

Noiz let out a chuckle, his gaze on Aoba, his sharp green eyes lighting with superiority.

Aoba glared back. "Whatever you're looking for, find it and leave." he said, his voice sounding thin.

Noiz rolled his eyes with a frustrated sigh. "I'm looking at it." he said, staring at Aoba. That profound gaze made Aoba shiver, his nerves becoming so strained it was like they were strangling him.

"S-stop messing and leave me alone!" he sputtered, his voice cracking because of his dry throat. His heart hammered against his rib cage, and he had to fight to stop his body trembling. Noiz moved forward, closing the space between them in quick strides. He leaned over the counter and grabbed Aoba by the collar, pulling him forward. "I told you I intend to fuck you." he said, his voice low.

Aoba gulped, breaking out on a cold sweat. Noiz's face was so serious, his eyes filled with determination. He didn't know much about Noiz, but the guy seemed a little unpredictable, maybe even insane, and was probably very dangerous. There was no knowing if Noiz would force himself on Aoba, and whether or not Aoba could fight back if it came to that. Noiz was slightly taller, and although he wasn't exactly muscular, he definitely had a better build than Aoba's slight frame. And his grip was strong. "I'm sorry, it's not going to happen." Aoba said defiantly. He knew it was probably stupid to resist, but he'd gathered himself together after being thrown off by the initial shock of seeing Noiz appear before him, and despite his fear, had now gathered some courage to

fight back. Noiz raised a pierced eyebrow, an amused smile spreading on his lips. Then he suddenly kissed Aoba, prying his lips apart with his tongue, forcing his way in. Aoba made a Noiz of discontentment and tried to pull away, but Noiz placed a hand on the back of his head, pushing him forward, crushing their faces together.

Koujaku walked down the street on his way to the junk shop, feeling pretty pleased with himself. He felt a little bad for getting on Aoba's case last night. He'd clearly upset his boyfriend, and he felt like there was still some tension between them. But to make up for it, he had the perfect idea. A surprise lunch date for Aoba. He would take him to that little coffee shop he liked around the corner, and treat him to anything he wanted. It would be just like old times when they'd first started dating, overstepping the line from best friends to romantic partners. It was scary and a little peculiar, but also really new and exciting. He'd been intimate with women before. Admittedly a lot of women. It was easy with them, everything seemed so straight forward. But his first time with Aoba was so nerve wracking, he'd never felt his heart race so much, and never experienced such intense emotions and feelings. It was mind blowing. He smiled to himself, a certain pride swelling within him They hadn't done anything exciting like a date for what felt like an eternity, and he really missed it. Spending time with Aoba was fun. Sure, getting intimate was amusing in its own way, but he felt like they hadn't properly talked in years. He just wanted to see those shy little smiles that were irresistibly adorable, watch his eyes light up as he spoke about something he was passionate about, feel the warmth of holding those smaller hands in his. Those days had been so perfect, so bright and sunny. It almost felt like another life he'd lived a long time ago. Or perhaps a dream. He knew he couldn't fix this whole complicated mess with just one little date. Or any amount of dates for that matter. There was no button he could push to put it all back together, no magic wand he could wave to make it all go away. Even though Koujaku had forgiven him for what he'd done, Aoba would never forgive himself. But no matter what it took, he wanted to make things right. To make Aoba happy again, after losing his Gran, so that one day they could both look back together on this and be strong enough to move forward hand in hand.


	6. Endless Despair

**Authors Note: I'm going to try and stick to an update schedule of weekly, hopefully every Friday instead of it being all over the place. I didn't mean for this story to be anything more than pointless smut but I accidentally made a plot. There will be more smut though. I promise.**

The forced kiss was unpleasant, and Aoba was struggling to breathe against Noiz's harsh lips. When he finally managed to break free, Noiz let out a gloating chuckle as Aoba gasped. He felt rage boil within him, and clenched his fists tightly, gritting his teeth. He was about to open his mouth to yell at Noiz, to ask him what the fuck he was doing, but was cut off by another voice.

"What the fuck?" the words came from the front entrance to the shop, the voice so painfully familiar that Aboa felt his heart stop. He could almost feel the anger coming off of Koujaku in waves as his boyfriend stared at them. His entire body froze with terror, as though he'd been caught red handed fleeing the scene of a crime under the harsh glare of a searchlight. Noiz pulled away, releasing the fist he still had bunched in the collar of Aoba's shirt, a vague hint of amusement on his face. But Aoba didn't care, he'd completely forgotten about the other man. All he could see was Koujaku staring at him, with a mix of disbelief and pain swirling in his red eyes. "Aoba." he said, his voice trembling and strained with hurt. "What the Hell...how could you?"

He wanted to shout, wanted to tell Koujaku that Noiz had forced him to, that it wasn't his fault, but when he opened his mouth, no words came out. It was like one of those nightmares when you're trying to scream but your voice is inexplicably swallowed up by silence. He couldn't even think of anything to say. What could he even say anyway? In Koujaku's eyes he'd been kissing Noiz. And he had no excuse. He wasn't drunk or high. Even if it was forced, even if he tried to pull away, there's no way Koujaku would believe him now. Not after what had happened the other night. Everything they had built was shattered in that moment, and Noiz just stood there, regarding him with that cool, inconsiderate gaze, as if the whole thing was a joke.

He finally spoke out, unable to even look at Koujaku, instead gazing at the ground. "It's not what it looks like." he said weakly. "He forced himself on me. I was trying to get away."

Koujaku shot him a deadly glare. "Don't give me that crap, Aoba." he snapped. And then his gaze swung to Noiz, and the glare became ten times more intense, his nostrils flared in rage like a wild beast. If looks could kill, Noiz's death would have been unimaginably slow and painful. The other man just rolled his eyes. "What?" he asked as nonchalant as ever.

Koujaku seemed to be looking for words to say, his jaw working, his lips trembling. But after a moment, he just turned away. "I warned you Aoba." he said, trying to suppress his rage under a mask of calm. "We're done. I can't do this anymore." he continued, his voice cracking, the mask slowly falling away. Aoba felt as though all the air had been removed from his lungs at once, the ground had fallen away from beneath his feet, a pit of empty darkness growing inside him. "Koujaku!" he cried. He didn't know what else to say. His eyes stung painfully with the threat of tears. "I didn't...

"You didn't what, Aoba!?" Koujaku roared, the mask shattering. Even Noiz visibly flinched at the sound of his rage. "You didn't do it? I saw you. Just like I saw you the other damn night. I forgave you for that, I trusted you. And this is how you repay me? Sneaking around with your little lover boy at work?"

"It's not like that!" Aoba protested, his voice cracking, tears blurring his vision as they poured down his face. "He just showed up and...!" Aoba shot daggers at Noiz, who stared back, his green eyes lighting with a mischievous glint. He looked like he was enjoying the whole thing.

"Get out." Koujaku growled at the blonde. " Or I swear I'll kill you."

"Whatever." Noiz muttered in response, making a point of distancing himself from Koujaku as he walked out of the shop. Aoba felt as though his throat had closed up and his heart was being clenched tightly. He trembled with sobs, his whole body feeling drained and weak, his head feeling dizzy. "Aoba." Koujaku said bitterly, after Noiz had left. "I want answers. Tell Haga you need to finish early. This isn't the place to do this." After his burst of rage, he had calmed a little, but his anger was still there, carefully concealed under his impassive gaze.

Aoba only nodded, speechless and frozen. Koujaku closed his eyes for a few moments, taking deep breathes. When he opened them again, his expression was filled with sadness, his eyes heavy with disappointment. Aoba could feel his heart shatter inside him like glass and he shook uncontrollable, his sobs now silent. He couldn't look at Koujaku, he couldn't bare to see that face, so hurt and angry and bitter, 'you betrayed me' written all over it.

Aoba walked behind Koujaku in despair as they entered their home. He had no idea how he'd even managed to walk this far. The world around him was a blurred mess, and he couldn't stop himself from shaking. His entire life had fallen apart before him, so quickly and harshly, and now he felt his body was going to unravel too, and scatter like dust in the wind. They entered the kitchen, the atmosphere so tense it could probably be sliced with a blade. It was all the same as he left it this morning, clean and tidy, everything put away. Only now it didn't feel warm and welcoming, it felt so cold and hostile. It wasn't part of his home anymore. He'd probably never call this house home again. The realisation left a hollow pit of despair growing within him. He couldn't even cry anymore, all his tears had dried out like an empty stream.

"I want you to take your things and leave." Koujaku said finally, his drained voice rippling through the intense silence.

Aoba expected something along those lines, but he still felt those words like blow to the face, and he gasped sharply as though he was in pain. "Can we at least talk?" he pleaded.

"There's nothing to talk about." Koujaku said, his voice barely a whisper. If Aoba had any hope of fixing this, it was all wiped away by those words. He felt as though his soul was being crushed with the endless dark despair.

"Please." he begged, his voice hoarse from sobbing.

"Take your things and leave." Koujaku repeated slowly, his voice rising.

"I'm sorry, Koujaku. I didn't mean to-" he began.

"I don't want to hear it, Aoba." he snapped back. "I don't understand how you could do that to me."

"I told you!" Aoba said, desperately. "I was trying to make him stop!"

He couldn't lose Koujaku. He loved him, he needed him. He couldn't lose the only thing that stopped him from falling apart because of this. One stupid mistake. He had to convince him, had to make him listen. He knew he was telling the truth, no matter how bad it looked.

"I just can't believe you. I want to trust you, but I can't." Koujaku said, his voice grim. "I just need you to leave. I don't want to look at you."

"Koujaku." he said. "Please, believe me."

"I can't. Just get out. It's over." he said, turning his trembling back to him. Aoba didn't know what else to do. He stared at Koujaku's back for a while in shocked silence, unable to move, wishing he'd just turn around and say something. But he didn't. Leaning on the kitchen counter and looking out of the kitchen window, he just stared silently, the cold sunlight creating shadows on his bleak face. Aoba stood on the other side of the room, feeling so out of place, like he was a stranger in someone else's home, staring at a scene that was not meant for him.

He didn't know how long he stood there, but eventually he left, with only his jacket and bag. He thought of going back to his old home, but the emotionally damaged state he was in, he couldn't bear to face that place just yet. It would only make him feel worse. So he walked with his head down, his gaze cast to the floor. He didn't even know where he was going. He just stumbled aimlessly. At first he felt bitterness and sadness build inside him painfully. He was so choked up from crying it was hard to breathe, his throat so raw it was like he had swallowed thorns. The skin around his eyes was tight and painful, still damp with tears. After a while dull shock seemed to wash all that away in a wave of numbness, and now he felt nothing. It was like his soul had been hollowed out, and in its place a dark emptiness had slithered in. He truly had lost everything. The Grandmother who had raised him, and now the boyfriend who had loved him. The world around him seemed to go dark, and he felt cold and dazed. His legs trembled beneath his weight, and with every step he took he felt as though they were going to just snap. His mind was blank, and he couldn't process thoughts, like a broken machine unable to process commands. Icy shivers ran up and down all over his body, the sting of thousands of tiny shards of glass pushed under his skin. He wanted to sit down, but he ended up stumbling, and fell onto the grass in a shivering heap, next to the narrow dirt path he had been walking down. Then he just lay there, feeling so cold and empty. His entire life had become worthless. He had nothing left to live for, nothing to keep him going. He was staring down and endless dark tunnel, and no matter which direction he looked, he just couldn't see the light anymore.

Aoba didn't know how long he'd sat there for. He was aware that cold drops of rain had begun falling from the sky in a light and steady flow, gradually soaking through his clothes and running down his hair and face in small streams. A cold wind had picked up, and he knew he ought to be chilled to the bone. But he didn't feel it. The sky overhead had darkened, grey clouds rolling in like a roiling canopy that blocked out the sunlight. His coil may have rung a few times, but he couldn't remember really, and if it had he didn't have the will to even think about answering it. He thought he heard a voice, but it seemed so distorted and distant. "Aoba." they called softly.

He finally turned, to see the source of the noise. Through the haze of his own tears, tender amber eyes met his. "Aoba." Ren said gently, kneeling down in front of him. '"What are you doing all the way out here?"

"I don't know..." he muttered. "I don't know anymore." he pressed his hands to his head, burying his face in his palms. He couldn't bear to think about it.

"Come on." Ren said, carefully trying to get him to his feet. "Let's take you home."

"I don't have a home." Aoba said.

Ren frowned, feeling a little hurt and confused. He didn't know much about what had happened. Just what he'd heard from Haga, that Aoba seemed really upset and had left work early. Then he'd called Koujaku about it, and Koujaku had said he didn't want to talk about it and hung up. From that, he knew enough to figure out it was relationship issues. But it must have been major for Aoba to be in a state like this. He didn't deal with dilemmas well, he was already prone to over worrying and melancholy. Ren hadn't seen him like this since their Grandmother's funeral. He couldn't imagine why, but for some reason Aoba and Koujaku must have gotten into a fight, or even broken up. "Right, come on Aoba." he said, grabbing his brother by the arms and pulling him to his feet. Aoba was slender, the smallest out of the three of them, while Ren was the biggest, both in height and build. He was worried he might have to overpower him and drag him home, just to stop him from running off and doing something stupid, but Aoba was strangely compliant, silently getting to his feet with jerky movements, as though he was a puppet being pulled by strings. He was trembling and cold, and every now and then he let out a small whimper, like a wounded pup as they slowly walked.

"It's okay." Ren said soothingly, supporting his brother as they traveled together at a slow pace.

"Ren." Aoba said, his voice barely a whisper.

"What is it?"

"Can you carry me?"

It was something Aoba hadn't asked of him since they were children. With Aoba being so small, Ren used to easily carry him on his back, and whenever he was upset Ren would have to carry him home. It seemed a little silly now, they were grown men. But looking down at Aoba, his light brown eyes red rimmed and shining with tears, his pale lips quivering, barely able to speak, he felt for a brief moment that they were children again, and Aoba had cried until his throat was aching after falling off the swings at the park.

Aoba had cried himself to sleep on Ren's back, and when they'd finally got home, Ren carefully laid him down on the sofa in the living room, draping a blanket over his peaceful sleeping form. He had called Sei on his coil while walking, to inform him that he'd found Aoba. They'd both been looking for him for a few hours now, after hearing he'd left work in a state and wasn't with Koujaku. He could hear Sei clattering around in the kitchen, probably preparing things for dinner because the time was approaching six. When Ren walked through, Sei turned to him, a cooking pot in hand. "How is he doing?" he asked nervously.

"He's sleeping on the couch. We should just leave him."

When Aoba awoke it was into a world of pitch darkness. With the sudden transition from dreamless sleep to cold reality, he felt as though he'd just been plunged into frozen lake. Unable to see a thing, his skin freezing with icy needles, he sat up, taking deep gasping breathes, squinting his eyes to readjust to the darkness. He jumped at the sensation of something soft tickling his skin, before realising it was a cover over him, falling away as he sat up. It took him a moment to figure out where he was, what had happened. He'd just been walking. Walking until he couldn't anymore. And then Ren was there. And Ren carried him, and at some point he must have fallen asleep. But if he'd went with Ren, he must be at his old house. He looked around, and although everything was veiled in darkness, he could see just enough to recognise the familiar lay out of the living room, and knew he was on the sofa. And that he needed to get away, before all the memories came rushing back and he was overwhelmed with a flood of grief. He couldn't bare anymore. Trembling, he slowly got to his feet, and with shaky hands he grabbed his jacket and bag where they'd been left on the floor. Then as quietly as he good, he crept through the room and into the dull lit hallway, and out the front door, closing it behind him gently.


	7. Forget It All

The night was painted black, the sky so clouded it was starless. It was cold, the air chilling into his bones like needles of ice, and Aoba shivered as he walked. Normally it would have worried him, but now he did not care. His breathe escaped in small misty puffs, visable under the orange glare of the streetlights and he wrapped his arms around himself in a half hearted attempt to fend off the cold. It was just after ten, so there were still plenty of places he could go, bars, clubs, that sort of thing. He could get drunk, and it wasn't hard to get drugs if you knew where to look. He just wanted something, anything to make him forget right now. Even if it messed him up, even if it made him do stupid things, made him ill or hungover, he knew it was better than how he felt now, so he wouldn't allow himself to regret it. He had to escape from the pit of despair growing inside him, spreading like black ink on white paper. He felt like it was going to consume him, to wash away his soul until there was nothing left. He needed an escape. He needed to forget.

Virus and Trip were in their usual place, a shady back alley not too far from Club Sanguine, a nightclub that had been practically taken over by Rhyme players. He could hear the booming music from a distance, carrying through the night air like a muffled heartbeat. He'd spent a lot of time there the past few weeks, and thought of maybe going back again tonight. But first thing was first. Virus and Trip were two of his best friends, that he'd known since he was a teen. The two were almost always together, and with their matching spiky blonde hair, intense blue eyes and fashion sense, they looked like twins. But they weren't. They weren't even brothers, or related at all for that matter. Trip was the larger of the two, tall, well built and muscular, whereas Virus was shorter and slimmer. Although it's not what they had always done, these days they were both known for dealing drugs and other shady bussiness, so Aoba found himself coming to them a lot lately. Trip was the first to notice him standing there, and looked up, his blue eyes meeting Aoba's in instant recognition.

"Oh, Aoba. Haven't seen you in a few days." he said with a small grin. Virus turned his gaze toward him now, and looking from behind his glasses, he smiled brightly. "Hello, Aoba. I don't suppose you just popped by for a visit?"

Aoba smiled weakly. "I need something." his voice came out as empty as he felt.

"Oh?" Trip raised an eyebrow.

"Aoba, it will cost you, even if we are friends." Virus said with a sympathetic smile.

"I know. I don't care. I just want to forget." he said bluntly. The two exchanged a looked, then turned back to him. "We have the perfect thing." Virus said, with a smirk.

The lights around Noiz burned his vision with brilliant colours, fiery reds, icy whites, ocean blues, neon greens, bursting in an array of rainbow colours like fireworks at a festival. The trance music assaulted his ears, playing in loud repetitive beats that seemed to drive into his brain like nails, scattering his thoughts. He sat at a booth table, as far away from the thick throng of dancing clubbers as he could get, leaning against the soft red seating, staring sourly at the second beer he had bought. He couldn't even feel any effect from the first one, and it tasted awful anyway. This sort of place wasn't really his scene. He'd much rather be alone in his room, staring at words and numbers rushing by on a monitor, or playing some online game. But this was where all the Rhyme players went after the matches were over, and his team had finally convinced him to try it out tonight. He regretted it. Not only was it overly crowded, it was also extremely loud, so hot and stuffy he was already beginning to sweat, and everyone around him was annoyingly drunk. Like most of them, he was too young to drink in Japan anyway, but in this place they didn't care. They didn't even ask for ID. He could see groups of teens everywhere, younger than him, sipping at drinks and shrieking with intoxicated laughter. He stared at the crowd with disdain through narrowed green eyes, as though they were bugs writhing around a filthy patch of dirt. They were all drunken idiots. Even his teammates. Not that they actually cared about him, or vice versa. Their alliance was built on convenience, and nothing more.

A high pitched voice pulled him out of his disdainful reverie, and he looked up to see a girl, maybe around seventeen, staring at him with big blue eyes that flashed with flecks of different colours beneath the disco lights. The long red curls that framed her heart shaped face were matted with sweat, and she smiled brightly. "Why are you all alone?" she asked. She was clearly a little drunk. He could tell by the way she spoke and the way she stood. A few feet behind her there were three other girls, distorted by the colourful lights, all staring in their direction then looking at each other, whispering and giggling among themselves. Noiz sighed. He didn't know what they wanted, but he didn't have the patience for annoying girls who acted like kids on a school playground. "I want to be left alone." he muttered in response. He doubted she could hear him over the music, even though it wasn't as loud in this area so far away from the dance floor. "Eh? Well my friend over there thinks you're cute." she chirped, with a vague gesture toward the group of girls. He glanced at them. They all looked around the same age as her, although it was hard to tell with the only source of light being flashing colours. One of the girls grinned at him when their eyes met briefly. She was quite pretty, with a shock of short messy pink hair, her brown eyes made prominent on her thin face with thick black eyeliner, her lips and eyebrows pierced much like his own. But he just wasn't interested. "Come dance with us!" the redhead said, and he turned his gaze back to focus on her as her thick red lips curved into a smile. She was actually pretty too, and her clothes fit her figure perfectly, accentuating all her generous curves in the right places. For a brief moment he was tempted to join them, maybe out of curiosity, maybe out of something else. But it just didn't seem worth the hassle. "Don't want to." he said, leaning back into his seat. Her voice was high pitched and sort of annoying, like a whiny child. "Come on!" she pressed with a pout, reaching out to grab his arm. He pulled away, glaring at her. "No." he said, unable to hide his irritation. Persistent people were such a pain. She looked taken aback, and then her face twisted with anger. "Fine. Whatever, jerk." she spat, turning and stomping away, her high heels clacking against the polished wooden flooring. Noiz watched them walk away as they melted back into shifting crowds, stopping briefly to turn and glare daggers at him. "Bitches." he mouthed at them, returning their scowl. He knew he was probably the one being rude, but he didn't really care.

It was then he caught a fleeting glimpse of blue hair. At first he thought it was a trick of the light, the bright flashing colours reflecting on someone else, creating the resemblance. But his eyes narrowed, his gaze following anyway as his heart sped up. He just couldn't help it. And when they emerged from the crowd and parked them self at the bar, his eyes widened, and he was unable to tear his gaze away. It was Aoba. Even from the other side of the club he could tell it was him. No one else had long blue hair like that, or such a slender pale body. Besides, he recognised the plain blue top and jeans, and small bag he carried over his shoulder. Maybe coming to this God awful place had actually been worth it after all. He watched for a while, as Aoba ordered drink after drink, downing them all with gusto, as though he had an insatiable appetite for alcohol. Noiz wondered if Aoba had broken up with that guy from earlier. He hadn't even realised they were in a relationship until he walked in on them kissing and all Hell broke loose. Well, more accurately, he had been kissing Aoba, who hadn't really reciprocated. He managed to figure out the situation then and it was sort of entertaining watching them fight after that. People pulled such strange expressions when they were hurt and angry. He would have stayed, but he had more important things to attend to, and shouldn't have been there getting carried away anyway. Besides, the death threat seemed pretty genuine and fighting with that guy would have been too much trouble. Aoba was getting drunk really fast. It was easy to tell, because he had begun swaying in his seat after only ten minutes, and although Noiz couldn't hear him over the rowdy crowds or booming music, it seemed from his riled up expressions and elaborate hand gestures, he was ranting at the poor bartender who had been serving him. Maybe it was about today's events, he thought, as he began drinking his bitter tasting beer once more.

"And that's why...why...it wasn't my fucking fault!" Aoba proclaimed, his voice slurred. The young man behind the bar just stared at him in confusion, as though he'd told the entire tale in a foreign language. Already a buzzing sensation had filled Aoba's veins, slowly creeping into his head with its familiar warmth, making him feel dizzy. He found a little comfort in the feeling of the alcohol burning down his throat and settling in his stomach like acid. Words had just poured from his lips, like water overflowing in a glass, and before he knew it he'd told the entire story of what had happened earlier, without really realising what he was saying. The man's soft pink eyes were hard to focus on, and his face seemed to ripple and sway slightly, as though he was staring into a reflection on water rather than the real thing.

"Yes, Aoba." he said with a weak smile, scratching the top of his head through his scruffy white hair. "I think it's time you went home."

"What!?" Aoba protested. "I only just got here!"

"Exactly, Aoba. You're a lightweight."

"What do you even know, Clear?" he sputtered angrily, leaning over the counter. With the sudden motion, a wave of dizziness made him unsteady, and he slumped back into his seat.

"My point is proven." Clear sighed with a troubled smile.

With a whine of defeat, Aoba grabbed his bottle of cider and walked away, in search of a seat elsewhere.

"Aoba, wait!" Clear called after him. His concern was understandable, the two men had been acquainted for a few months now. Maybe they were even friends at this point. But it didn't matter, because Clear was stuck behind the busy bar, unable to stop him from leaving as a noisy crowd gathered to buy drinks. With unsteady steps, Aoba made his way to the seating area away from the main dance floor. The flashing lights seemed to burst into his eyes, the loud music drumming into him. Everything around him rushed by in a dazing whirlwind, and he felt a little nauseous, but found himself giggling at the dancing lights. They were just so colourful and bright, it was like standing under a shower of fireworks, watching the sparks fall to Earth. The music got less and less intense, the further away he got, and he could finally hear himself think again. Not that his thoughts made any sense. Inside his head, everything was a roiling, churning mess, and a loud ringing pierced through his skull. He turned around in search of a chair, his long hair swaying behind him, sweat pouring down his warm face, and suddenly stopped at the sight of a lone figure seated at one of the booths, tucked into a corner as far away from the action as possible. The blonde man was holding a pint of beer and staring into it so intently, as though he was reaching the climax of a fascinating story. He looked different when the obscure flashing lights caught his light hair, changing its colour every few seconds and casting fleeting, dancing shadows across his face. Aoba felt a spike of anger surge through him. "You!" he called out. Unaware really of what he was doing, he took a few stumbling steps forward, his drink swirling in the bottle and spilling over the brim, his vision blurred and hazy. Noiz slowly looked up, his light green eyes meeting Aoba's. "Yo."

"Don't 'yo' me!" Aoba retorted angrily, taking another gulp of his cider. He'd already spilled some down his shirt, but didn't seem to be aware as it soaked through the material. Now more escaped his mouth, dribbling down the sides of his chin. "You...you ruined my life!" he said, his eyes blazing with drunken fury. "Don't care." Noiz replied, looking away.

Aoba's free fist clenched by his side. "You should care."

"Why?" Noiz asked. He was a little amused. Aoba was cute like this, his pale face flushed red across his fine cheekbones, his brown eyes burning with anger. He stood, swaying a little, staring Noiz down with an infuriated glare. "Because that's...it's your fault. It's not my fault!" he yelled. Then he staggered over, and planted himself on the seat directly across from Noiz, shooting him daggers. The scowl lasted only a short while, because his gaze softened abruptly, and he burst into delirious laughter. "Your face is all blue."

Oh god. That laugh. It spilled from his lips, seeping in and drowning out the music that invaded his head for a moment. Even though it was drunken, something about it was so sweet and genuine, and it made Aoba's face light up in the most captivating way. Taken aback, Noiz just stared, eyes wide. He wanted to hear more of that laughter, see more of Aoba's joyful expression. Then he shook his head, hoping to shake off the strange feeling that fluttered in his heart for a moment. He was on his second beer, clearly he wasn't thinking straight. The flashing lights behind Aoba lit up his long hair in a halo of blue, then green, then yellow, shadows and light twisting across his flushed face in an elaborate dance. "It's changing colour!" Aoba giggled. "So pretty." All the rage was gone, and now he just seemed like a child, staring with innocent curiosity at something strange and new. He was intoxicated beyond rational thought, and Noiz had a sneaking suspicion he might have taken something else. It was common in this area for all sorts of shady drug deals. This part of the island was pretty much where the scum gathered, to squirm around in their own trash. Even the law enforcement had given up on this area. But they were corrupt to the core anyway, so it wasn't much of a surprise. They probably had some deal with the Yakuza where they were paid off to stay away, so that they could grow their illegal trades without being bothered. "Are you on drugs?" Noiz asked. His concern felt strange, out of place, but he tried to pass it off as curiosity. Aoba's eyes snapped to his, looking a little hazy, as though he'd just woken from a dream. "The twins gave me something." he said, with a snicker, like it was some hilarious joke.

Noiz let out a frustrated sigh. He he had an idea who Aoba meant by twins. Two guys with spiky blonde hair that looked and dressed alike. He'd seen them before, heard rumours they were mafia thugs or something along those lines.

"What did they give you?" he asked, his voice just audible over the distant thrum of the music.

"I don't know." Aoba shrugged. "Hey, can I come back to your place tonight?" Aoba asked with a suggestive smile.

Noiz stared at him, a little bewildered. The whole situation in itself was a bit surreal anyway. As far as he knew, Aoba hated him. Yet here he was sitting across from him in some disreputable night club, asking to sleep with him. But he was on drugs, and his blood was pumped full of alcohol, so he probably had no idea what was going or what he was actually saying. True, Noiz wanted to sleep with Aoba. He'd realised that by now. But for some reason the thought of doing it right now while Aoba was in this state left a bitter feeling in his gut that he couldn't identify. He cursed himself silently. What the hell was wrong with him? Why was he worrying so much about this blue haired moron?

Noiz dismissed the question, shaking his head. "No." he muttered. He wondered why he was rejecting him. Why he didn't just jump on the opportunity to have sex. Was it the beer's doing too, to make him like this? Shouldn't it have the opposite effect?

"Why?" Aoba whined, leaning over the table and locking Noiz in a pleading gaze.

"You're too drunk. You'll throw up in my apartment."

"I won't!" Aoba protested.

Noiz sighed.

"If you don't let me, I'll find someone else!" he declared, like a rebellious youth. Noiz felt an odd pressure twisting in his chest. He didn't understand the feeling, but it was a little choking and made him feel bitter and unsettled. Just thinking about Aoba with someone else made the pressure increase almost painfully. It was irritating. Aoba stared at him with a determined glare, as if to prove a point that he was serious. Noiz rolled his eyes. "You can come back to mine, but you're crashing on the couch."

"No!" Aoba countered. "I'm sleeping with you on your bed!" he raised his voice, slurring his words.

Noiz felt like asking him why, but there was no point. He was too out of it to see any reason or logic. There was mad look in his barely focused eyes and he couldn't even sit up straight.

"Fine." Noiz said, feeling a little vexed. He didn't really know what he was going to do, but for some reason he'd rather have Aoba with him than let him go home with someone else.

Noiz led Aoba along, holding the sleeve of his shirt, through a series of twisting and winding streets, illuminated under the silver glow of the moonlight. Aoba looked around, at the buildings and streets whirring by in flashes of motion and colour. He let out a small giggle. "So pretty." he mumbled, staring at the sky. The stars were bright, and the moon peered out from behind a layer of misty grey clouds, and for some reason the sight filled his heart with a warm joy. It just looked so astounding. It was like seeing the same flower everyday, but only just this once stopping to admire its beauty. He felt something hard against his foot, and gasped as he almost tripped. Only Noiz's grip managed to keep him upright. "If you fall over, I'm leaving you." Noiz said impatiently, tugging at his sleeve. Noiz's green eyes glowed silvery like a cats in the moonlight, and his metal piercings gleamed like cut diamonds. "How many do you have?" Aoba mumbled, mezmerised by the metal rings and studs.

"What?" Noiz asked, raising his eyebrows. Aoba fought back the sudden urge to just reach out and pluck one of the piercings from Noiz's face. "Piercings." he muttered, dropping his gaze.

"I don't know." Noiz shrugged.

Aoba felt laughter bubble up in his chest, spilling from his mouth uncontrollably. "How can you not know?"

"I lost count."

Aoba kept laughing, unable to compose himself. For some reason everything seemed so funny and delightful. It was like nothing mattered anymore, all the weight had been lifted from his shoulders, the tight chain coiled around his heavy heart had broke. He couldn't even remember why it had felt heavy before, like it had been broken and mangled inside his chest, and was barely able to beat. Now it was filled with careless glee and raced with excitement. His head was spinning, but it wasn't sickening, it was like he was a kid again, playing on the roundabout at the park. The world seemed to fly past in a kaleidoscope of rainbow colours and dazzling bright lights, and all his worries and fears scattered away like petals in the wind. He looked at Noiz, and somewhere deep down, he thought maybe he should feel resentment, or hatred. It was a niggling feeling in the back of his mind, loosely coiling inside him like a snake, but the haze of intoxication washed it away, in waves of dizzy joy. All he wanted to do was hold the other man, kiss him, touch him. The thoughts came out of nowhere, and he knew he should be alarmed by them. But he wasn't. Despite all the warnings, he didn't feel concerned. His heart was drumming in his ears, and he felt amused. His mind wandered back to that night in the alleyway, and he felt himself twitch with excitement at the memory. Hot hands on his skin, feverish kisses on his lips, even the sound of his excited moans. "Noiz." he said, feeling heat rush to his cheeks. "I want you."

Noiz had given in to Aoba's very drunken and forward advances eventually, and he had barely even shut his apartment door behind them before they were wrapped up in desperate and heated kisses, his exploring hands sliding up Aoba's shirt, gliding across his lean body. Aoba shivered at his touch, his lips twisting into a playful smile as they broke away briefly from their fierce kissing. Why did he want this so much right now? It wasn't just lust, it wasn't just a desire for sex. It had to be Aoba for some reason. No one else would do. Something about holding him, feeling their warm bodies pressed together in a tangle of limbs, their passionate kisses, their hands searching each other's hot skin, somehow it just felt so right, so natural. Like something he'd done a thousand times before, and could do a thousand times again. He looked down at Aoba's face, his deep crimson blush standing out against his pale skin, his light brown eyes hazy and sparkling, his charming smile, with a sly edge. He wanted him so much right now, that he couldn't even believe it himself. His heart was racing so hard he thought it would shatter his rib cage. But he knew that Aoba was only doing this because his mind had been thrown into disarray by drugs and drink, and that he'd either regret it later, or forget it completely. Maybe the latter was more desirable. A painful feeling tugged in Noiz's chest, and he froze. Aoba would never do this with him if he were sober. Aoba hated him. He was just so inebriated he didn't care anymore. The thought stung him with an unfamiliar pain, that twisted inside him like hands clawing at his chest. He pulled away from Aoba quickly, the sudden loss of contact making him feel so empty and cold, like a bucket of icy water had been poured over his body. "Noiz..." Aoba whined impatiently, reaching out for him. "Come on. Touch me." Noiz jerked away. He wanted to touch him. But it didn't feel right anymore. The doubts that had crept into his mind had doused the flames growing within him. The spark between them was gone just as quickly as it had came, washed away in a sea of uncertainty and unfamilar pain. What was he even doing anymore? His mind was a mess, thoughts raced through his head in flashing scraps, but he was unable to make any sense of his mind. He just needed to get away, to be alone with these confusing and frustrating feelings.

Noiz walked away from him, leaving Aoba confused. "Noiz!" he called out.

"I'm going to bed." the other man muttered. "Sleep on the couch or go home."

"Wait!" Aoba called after him, taking shaky steps in his direction. The night had flown by in scattered bits and pieces that he could barely recollect, and he couldn't remember anything of the journey to Noiz's apartment, save the brightness of the moon and the feeling of his heart fluttering with joy in his chest. Before him a vast empty hallway stretched out, shrouded in darkness, and just through it he could see Noiz's silhouette, fading into the shadows like someone disappearing behind a curtain of black. Then he was gone, the sound of a door slamming shut behind him. Even in the darkness, Aoba felt dizzy and his vision danced with fuzzy little lights, like fireflies buzzing around the corners of his eyes. Noiz had just been holding him and kissing him, and then suddenly abandoned him and he didn't understand why. Like a stray dog left behind by its owner, he didn't know what else to do but try and follow. Staggering along the hallway, barely able to see a thing through the thick darkness, he frantically tried to go after him. Somehow he reached a door, and began blindly searching for the door handle. The whole ground beneath him felt like it was swirling, as though he were standing on waves of the ocean, and his head felt painfully light, and when Noiz yanked the door open from the other side, Aoba jumped back, stumbled a little, then fell straight onto his ass.

"What do you want?" Noiz stared down at him, looking exhausted. Pale light streaming out from the room behind him, casting his face in deep shadows while illuminating his sharp green eyes. Aoba stared up, a little stunned.

"I want to...touch you." he said slowly.

"No you don't." Noiz replied bitterly. "You're too fucked up to know what you want."

Aoba thought for a moment, but it was like trying to swim through mud. His mind was unclear due to the sludgy haze of intoxication. But for some reason he was determined to be with Noiz. He himself didn't know why. Through all the noise inside of his head, the buzzing, the muddy river of thoughts, one thing in his mind seemed clear. He wanted this man right now.

He shook his head. The sudden motion caused a wave of dizziness to crash upon him, and when he looked up again, Noiz's scowling face was doubled and spinning, the duplicates chasing after each other in circles. Then Noiz suddenly reached down and grabbed him, pulling him to his feet roughly by the collar. "You'll regret this." he said, but it seemed like the words were somehow meant for himself too. He dragged Aoba into his bedroom, and threw him onto the bed. It wasn't done in an aggressive manner, and Aoba landed softly on the sheets, unable to even re orientate himself after the swift and giddy experience before Noiz was on top of him, pushing him down into the pillows and bed sheets, kissing him fervidly. The pressure of Noiz's body on top of his, the warm, desperate collision of their lips, the heat of his hands snaking up Aoba's shirt, caressing his sides, his abdomen, his chest. It was all too much to take in at once. Aoba moaned softly against Noiz's lips, and then their tongues were sliding against eachother, intertwining in a frenzied dance. After a few intense minutes, they weren't even kissing anymore, they were both too out of breathe to kiss, so they just licked and nibbled on one and others lips, tongues, whatever their hungry mouths could find. Aoba lay shirtless beneath Noiz, his lean chest exposed fully, the other man leaning over him as he tugged at Aoba's belt, hastily undoing it with shaky fingers and stripping off his pants and underwear. Then Noiz removed his own shirt, pulling it over his head and tossing it away, revealing his upper body. He a little above average build, which seemed pretty large compared to Aoba's slender body, and the curves of light muscle showed on his dampened skin. Aoba noted with very little surprise that Noiz had navel and nipple piercings. All he could do was stare for, mouth wide open like an idiot for a moment before Noiz bent down and started teasing him, trailing his lips and tongue along Aoba's body, gently sucking on his peaked chest.

"N-noiz." Aoba groaned, a warm feeling spreading through his body. But with every wet graze of Noiz's slick tongue an impulse grew stronger in Aoba, and he was starting to feel a little impatient. "Noiz!" he gasped. "Please...hurry."

Noiz lifted his face from Aoba's collarbone, where he had been kissing and sucking lightly.

"What do you mean?" he asked with a smirk, raising his eyebrows.

"Please!" Aoba begged, his voice coming out in ragged gasps. "Hurry up and do me." Then he began giggling, his face going bright red. "I want you." he chuckled, reaching up and sensually stroking Noiz's face with clumsy hands. The blonde's eyes widened as Aoba caressed his face, sloppily tracing the line of his jaw, his cheeks, his nose, his lips with long slender fingers. Aoba felt an inexplicable warmth in his chest, and let out a soft laughter once more. "It really is pretty." he mumbled, having no idea what he was saying or why. Little dots of light danced around the edges of his vision, and Noiz's face swayed above him as he leaned down, their lips merging in a deep kiss.

Then Noiz abruptly ordered him to turn over and lie on his stomach. Aoba reluctantly complied, and with some gentle urging he eventually lay propped up on his elbows, the side of his face against the pillows, his back bent with his ass in the air. Noiz leaned over him, and used his fingers to pry open Aoba's mouth. With a muffled moan, Aoba began licking and sucking on Noiz's fingers, chasing them with his tongue, slathering them in a coat of saliva, wet streams dribbling down his chin. He felt heat between his legs, somehow aroused just by sucking on Noiz's fingers, and let out a hot sigh when they were removed from his mouth.

"You better not regret this." he said in Aoba's ear, his voice low and somewhat seductive. It was an embarassing position, something he never would have done, not even with Koujaku. But right now he didn't care. "I won't. Just hurry." Aoba whispered, smoldering heat pooling between his legs.

"I'm sure you will." Noiz said softly. Aoba didn't have time to contemplate the meaning of those words, because the feeling of Noiz's fingers entering his anus drove all thoughts from his head. His dick twitched when Noiz touched it, and Aoba gasped sharply, a fiery pleasure shooting into his groin. He began roughly stroking Aoba's penis, gradually bringing him to full arousal. Luckily he was more gentle with his asshole, slowly inserting fingers and gradually stretching out his ass. It was tight at first, and Aoba contracted around them with a strangled cry, but the slickness of his own saliva made the entrance a bit more smooth, and with Noiz pumping his dick, he was able to relax soon enough. Eventually Aoba was moaning shamelessly, aware he was being really loud, unable to hold his voice down. For some reason he didn't feel ashamed when his own voice echoed back to him, his indecent noises ringing in his ears. "Hurry!" he pleaded as Noiz pleasured him from the front and back. His body temperature was rising, and he could feel flames settle on his flushed skin.

Noiz pulled his fingers out, and then grabbed Aoba's hips, aligning himself. Something larger and hotter teased at Aoba's entrance, the dripping tip carefully prodding at his hole, before slowly sliding in. Aoba let out a strained cry of pleasure as he was stretched out by Noiz's erection, his ass swallowing up the hard member. He felt something peculiar scrape against his walls too, like little lumps or ridges, causing him to let out a choked gasp, and somehow in his hazy mind he managed to put two and two together and realise it was piercings. He could feel it pulsing inside him as it dragged along his inner walls, pulling him open from the inside. It was so hot and tight, and the pressure was unbelievable. It felt like iron bands had clamped around his lower body and he buried his face into the pillows, moaning into the soft material when Noiz began to thrust. It barely hurt at all, but Noiz was surprisingly considerate. At first he was slow, and with careful movements he'd push it all the way in to the hilt, penetrating Aoba deeper than he'd thought was possible. But when Aoba got used to the sensation, and the pain faded, he found himself begging for more, with pleading moans and desperate gasps. "Please...hurry." he gasped, biting down on his bottom lip. Noiz rammed into him with such force his entire body jerked, the air evacuating his lungs. He cried with the thrill as he began moving faster, roughly pounding into Aoba's ass, rubbing his inner walls raw, slamming into him with strength, over and over. Noiz reached down with one hand and began stroking Aoba again. Aoba's legs trembled under the touch, a sweet numbness stimulating all the nerves in his body, making him shiver. His heart was racing, and a burning pleasure found its way to his hips, making him gasp and cry out. "Ahh...Noiz." his voice hitched when he tried to speak. Noiz began rubbing circles with his thumb on Aoba's swollen head, smearing precum all over his penis.

Electric shocks tingled up and down Aoba's spine as Noiz continued with his relentless strokes down his length, and his merciless pounding into his behind. The sound of their skin slapping together, the lewd wet noises, Noiz's husky gasps in Aoba's ear, the bed strings creaking beneath them, his own desperate moans. Aoba could hear everything, feel everything. He knew he should feel embarassed, but now it felt incredibly amazing and he drowned in the intense pleasure, cries escaping his lips. The sensation built between his legs, filling his groin with a sharp sweetness, crashing against all his senses in wave after wave, until he couldn't take anymore. It was too much, it was almost painful, and with a trembling cry, tears streaming down his face, mouth wide open and dribbling saliva, his body spasmed uncontrollably, his mind going completely blank as he came, semen spurting out all over Noiz's hand and bed covers. Then Noiz began thrusting desperately, and only a few moments later, with a suppressed groan, Aoba felt Noiz throb inside him, and then a warm liquid spread inside, spilling out as Noiz removed his dick.

Aoba took deep breathes, burying his face into the pillows. A soft hazy exhaustion over came him, but eventually he rolled over, looking up at Noiz who was now sat, his legs dangling over the edge of the bed. Aoba still felt a little giddy and he chuckled softly, but his entire body was drained and he was barely able to keep his eyes open. "Can I sleep here?" he asked quietly.

"Sure...whatever." Noiz muttered, taking a deep breathe.

"Will you sleep next to me?"

Noiz looked at him, and for a tiny second, he could have sworn a pained look crossed his face, hurt flashing in his eyes. Then he looked away, his gaze dropping to his feet. "Should probably clean up." he said, his words barely audible.

Noiz left Aoba asleep in his bed, and slipping his underwear on, he went to the living room. He didn't mind letting Aoba have the bed, really. He'd just watch TV until he fell asleep on the sofa or something. It happened most nights anyway. But a crushing feeling pressed against his chest, and his throat felt tight, as though it was closing up. He couldn't concentrate on the movie playing on the screen, all the words seemed to float right by his head, and he couldn't follow what was happening. His mind was a million miles away, replaying the events from earlier. It felt almost unreal, like any moment now he'd wake up and realise it was a dream. But it was real. He had slept with Aoba, and it had been almost as amazing as he imagined. But...when he imagined it, Aoba was sober, and Aoba really wanted him. That drugged up mess wasn't who Aoba really was, and tomorrow morning, or whenever the effects wore off, Aoba would run a mile, and he'd probably never want to see him again. His eyes stung a little, and although he felt like crying for a moment, he didn't. "Pathetic." me muttered bitterly, shame and self loathing swelling within him. Why did he care so much about one person? It's not like Aoba was special at all in anyway. And it's not like he really knew him. His mind flashed back to one night, just over a month ago, when one of his team mates had joked about him having a crush on Aoba. Noiz had just been admiring his Rhyme Battle, mesmerised by the way he fought, the way he dominated and destroyed his opponent in minutes. They'd saw Noiz staring at Aoba, during and after the battle.

"Got a little crush, have we?" he had said with a friendly chuckle. "He is pretty cute for a guy, with all that long blue hair."

Noiz hadn't really known what he was talking about, and had ignored the comment. But what if it had planted the idea in his head? Made these weird feelings grow inside his heart? He'd always admired Aoba as a fighter in Rhyme. But maybe that night in the alleyway, not even a week ago, was when that admiration had grown into something else? Was he falling for the blue haired moron?

"Damn." he spat sourly. He really couldn't be bothered with annoying crap like this.


	8. Eternal Grief

_Aoba stared as the coffin slowly descended into the ground, swallowed up into the darkness of the Earth, where his Grandmother within would lie forever. Distantly he was aware that he ought to feel something. Heavy grief beyond words? Agony like a thousand knives to his heart? Burning anger boiling in his blood? Bitter regret, carving into his gut? But he only felt dim shock, prickling away at his skin like shards of ice. Around him he could hear the muffled sobs of his family and loved ones, even Koujaku's eyes were shining with tears, and Ren let out silent cries. Above him, the sky was just a sheet of grey, so bleak and lifeless, even the clouds were completely still. For a moment he truly believed time had stopped, that the whole world had come to a standstill. Then a drop of rain hit his face, and he stared up with a barren gaze, as another bead of water fell upon him, needling into his cheek. "Why?" he whispered to no one but himself. His voice was so hoarse, so empty and cold. The dull pounding of his heartbeat echoed in his ears, and the edges of his vision began to darken with shadows. "It's a lie." he said quietly, his voice just managing to choke out of his mouth before his throat dried up. He didn't even realise he was crying until he tasted the warm, salty tears on his lips, mingling with the ice cold drops of rain streaming down his face. Whose hand it was, he did not know. Koujaku's, perhaps? but the supportive grip on his shoulder came just a second too late. His legs had already given away under his weight and as he was falling forward, the ground beneath him crumbling away into a pit of darkness that would swallow him whole._

Aoba awoke with a start, gasping for air and clawing out in front of him, his heart slamming against his chest. His skin was boiling and sweaty all over, contrasting cold fingers ran up and down his spine, his nerves tight. He took deep rattling breathes, trying to forget the nightmare, still fresh in his racing mind. Sweat poured down his face in bucket loads and for a moment he wondered if he'd been crying. His body seemed to be caught up in messy bed covers, like he was tangled in a spider's web, and when he looked down he realised they were an unfamiliar dark grey.

"For fuck's sake." he muttered.

"You're awake." a deep voice replied from across the room. He turned his head in wide eyed horror to see Noiz, casually sat on the floor, surrounded by multiple lit up screens. He was wearing nothing but boxers, and the pale glow from the monitors accentuated the curves of his lightly muscled upper body, making Aoba's face go red as he tried not to gawk.

"For fuck's sake!" he repeated a second time, louder, as all of last night's memories came rushing back in a dizzying, scattered haze. He only remembered scraps and fragments clearly, the rest was a blur. Stumbling into Club Sanguine after accepting the blue pill from Virus and Trip, spending most of his money on alcohol, bumping into Noiz there...coming home with him. And then the explicit affair that took place on this very bed...Aoba stopped his thoughts from wandering back further, feeling his cheeks heat up. Noiz observed him from across the room with a cool gaze, his lips twitching into a slight smirk. "You can go now." the blonde muttered, turning his eyes back to one of the monitors before him, a black screen with words and coding flying across it. "But feel free to visit again." he said, barely able to suppress a chuckle.

"Where are my fucking clothes?" Aoba demanded, self consciously pulling the covers up to conceal his naked body. The gesture was pretty pointless because Noiz had seen it before, but the thought of those cold green eyes leering at him from across the room made him uncomfortable.

"Uh..." Noiz mumbled, his eyes darting around the room. "Everywhere." he said with a shrug.

Aoba's head ached a little, a dull pain pulsing through his skull, and his vision was still slightly fuzzy. He rubbed his face, trying to wipe away the fog of drowsiness. He felt completely drained of energy, and he needed to recharge himself. Just not here.

Five PM. Aoba had slept in Noiz's room until five PM. He cursed himself bitterly as he changed into yesterday's clothes. They were messy and screwed up like rags, strewn all over the room like they'd been scattered in a hurricane. The vivid reminder of last night set his stomach knotting with embarrassment. He'd demanded Noiz leave the room while he got dressed, and unwillingly the other man had after a few minutes of convincing, which mainly consisted of Aoba yelling abuse and foul language at him. Now that it was day time, and he was less of a rambling mess, he could actually see what Noiz's room looked like in the dull light that filtered through black curtains next to the king size bed, the dark sheets and white pillows still creased and disheveled. The memories of last night rose up in his head once more, and he tore his gaze away, forcing them back down as his cheeks burned. Next to the bed was a small simple table, with a lamp, digital clock and a few other things spread across the surface. The room was pretty big, with walls the colour of cream just visible through a predominant mass of gaming posters stuck on like papery skin. Above him the ceiling was slanted at an angle, decorated in the same manner as the walls. The floor was pretty bare save from the monitors and keyboards spread out where Noiz had sat in front of a set of large double doors, which Aoba could only assume led to a closet or something, as well as the other man's messy clothes scattered on the door which Noiz had left from was just adjacent to that, and quietly Aoba left the room, to see a vast empty hallway. It wasn't as big as it had seemed last night, when he'd blindly staggered down it through darkness, but it was still pretty large. Noiz was nowhere in sight, but the smell of pizza wafted through the air from somewhere, and Aoba's stomach grumbled in response.

A pierced face peered out from behind a door a few feet down the hall. "I have pizza."

Aoba stared at him blankly. "So?"

Noiz looked down, unable to meet his eyes. "Want some?" he muttered.

Aoba blinked. "You just told me to leave." he snapped. He was upset, exhausted and angry, and couldn't be bothered with Noiz's strange behaviour.

"Ahh...true..." Noiz replied slowly. "I'll bring your stuff then."

"What were you doing with my stuff!?" Aoba demanded accusingly, rage seeping into his voice.

"You left it on the floor." Noiz said. He was back to his usual blunt demeanor.

Aoba had wanted to be stubborn and leave by himself, but when he realised just how large Noiz's apartment was, he reluctantly agreed to let the other man accompany him until he'd left the building. Of course he'd had to wait until Noiz had finished his pizza, and begrudingly he'd accepted a slice. They ate in awkward silence. Noiz's apartment was surprisingly huge though. The living room alone was roughly the same size as the ground floor of Aoba's Gran's house. He owned a large penthouse a top a block of modern flats. Everything about the place was brand new and sleek, all white walls and large windows, up to date shiny technology, and aoba found it difficult not to feel impressed. Where did someone get the money for a place like this? Especially someone like Noiz, who just looked like a pierced little punk?

After getting his bag from Noiz, and his coil which had apparently been going off all morning, he let Noiz show him to the ground floor, and then to the front exit, and as soon as he walked out the door he realised he had no idea where he was. The area was completely unfamiliar. The streets were narrow, clean and tidy, the whole neighbourhood seemed pretty well kept, and all the buildings had that polished brand new feel. There were three other buildings exactly the same as the one they'd just left, roughly eight stories tall, immaculate white with slanted black tile roofs, all erected in a precise row like soldiers standing to attention. They seemed to be on the outskirts of the old resident district, where Platinum Jail once stood before the oval tower collapsed and the whole place was brought down about a year ago, and he could see the familiar hulk of his home town rise in the distance, the buildings spanning across the orange skyline and suddenly looking so old and dirty and dilapidated.

Aoba didn't bother to return Noiz's awkward goodbye. He was pretty angry at him, and somewhat ashamed of himself. As much as he tried to convince himself that last night was all Noiz's fault, he knew that wasn't true. They were both to blame. He was an adult, he was responsible for his own actions, and he knew exactly how dangerous it was to accept unknown pills, even if they were from Virus and Trip. And he was aware of his low alcohol tolerance, and how much self awareness he lost as soon as he became drunk. It was his responsibility to control himself, and he hadn't. Still, Noiz had taken advantage of him, once again, and the thought left his blood boiling, shame prickling at his cheeks. It was embarrassing. He was the older one, for sure. Noiz might have a mature face, but his personality was not really that of a responsible adult. Despite being strong, blunt and assertive, he sometimes had this childish air about him, like he had no clue what was really going on in the world.

When Aoba checked his coil, his eyes went wide. He had thirty eight missed calls. Most of them were from Ren and Sei, a couple were from Haga. And there was one, and as soon as he read the name on the screen, he froze, a crushing pain clamping around his chest, his mouth going dry. Koujaku. He felt his mind fall into a messy turmoil of painful emotions, and his eyes burned with the threat of tears. The name repeated itself over and over in his head. Koujaku. He remembered how badly he'd messed up, and regret twisted inside him like barbed wire, so painful it threatened to tear him apart. Koujaku. A dark hole formed in the pit of his heart. He could almost feel it crumble away to dust inside him. Koujaku. He wondered what his ex boyfriend would think of him now? Getting drunk and sleeping with Noiz? He'd hate him even more. He'd never forgive him for it. The events of the past few days really dawned on him. It was like he'd been living in a daze of forgetfulness, his head thick and cloudy, but now the fog was cleared and reality crashed upon him like a wave of boiling water. He'd lost Koujaku. Something in him finally snapped, like the bindings just barely holding him together had come undone. He felt an immense ache twist through him, coiling his heart and squeezing the life from it. He walked slowly with stiff movements, like a robot that wasn't quite able to function yet, somehow managing to hold back his sobs. He didn't know where to go. He didn't know what to do. Going home wasn't an option. He couldn't face his brothers, and he couldn't face that cold and empty place. It was so devoid of life and warmth without his grandmother there, and every second he thought about it, chills went up and down his spine, and dread seeped through him like icy water in his veins.

"Aoba!" he heard a voice call out his name, deep and familiar. He turned to see Ren, staring at him with worried eyes. He didn't really understand why, but he couldn't face Ren. He didn't want his brother to see him. Shame and self disgust built up inside him, and before he knew it, he'd turned and ran. He couldn't stand the thought of Ren seeing him, he couldn't stand the thought of being dragged back to that house again. He heard pounding foot steps behind him, his brother calling his name, and terror gripped his heart. It was like a monster was chasing him rather than his own brother. He raced down the streets aimlessly, turning corners at random. People's faces whizzed by in pale smudges, some letting out angry protests as he rushed by, and the buildings around him were a shapeless blur. Even when he could no longer hear Ren chasing him or the sound of his shouts carrying through the air, he kept going, propelled on by mindless fear and endless despair. Just running, like somehow he could run away from reality, leave all the pain behind, until his lungs flared up in agony, his throat tightened and his legs ached. When he stopped, he doubled over in a fit of gasping coughs, barely able to breathe properly. His heart drummed in his chest so loud he thought it would burst, and a dull ringing resounded through his skull like distant bells. When he finally looked up, he felt a pang of nervousness run through him. He had no idea where he was. He hadn't paid attention to which direction he'd went or why, feeling only the need to get away. An empty path stretched out before him, lined both sides with trampled grass and tall trees, their leaves shuddering in the stiff breeze. Now that he was alone, he finally let the bitter sobs he'd been suppressing escape, a stream of tears overflowing down his face. His legs were weak and shaky beneath him, and he dumped himself on the dirty ground, not caring about the muck that would cling to his jeans. Pressing his hands into his face, he cried quietly, drowning in his own little world of sorrow.

Noiz decided it was time to venture outside. It was pretty late, but the sun was still up, streaking the sky with its brilliant orange glow, and something about it made him want to be out doors. He'd been inside all day, and some days he preferred that, but today he didn't. The apartment walls seemed to close in on him, and he felt trapped and agitated like a caged animal, so he had the strange notion to go for a walk, to escape the stifling atmosphere. The setting sun blazed like fire, and the air was mildly warm, the whole world around him tinted by a soft orange hue. It was just the path to the Old Resident District, but bathed in sunlight of such a magnificent colour, it somehow seemed less unclean, like the soft rays washed all the filth away. Noiz never really paid much attention to these things before, so he was surprised to find himself admiring the colour of the sunset. It felt good to stretch his legs and be out in the open after being spending a whole day indoors, suffocating. Walking down the path, he noticed a figure slumped on the grass, as though they were just sitting there, under the shadow of the trees. When he narrowed his eyes, he caught sight of that familiar blue hair, fluttering in the wind like strands of ribbon. He almost couldn't believe it. His heart sped up a little, and his eyes widened unintentionally. Why did he keep running into Aoba all the time? Hadn't the moron just left his place not too long ago? He fought the urge to call out his name. Aoba meant nothing to him, so why did he suddenly want to talk to him? Why was his heart beating so fast, and his throat suddenly so dry? It was ridiculous. He was going to walk by. Just ignore him, act like he didn't see him, like he didn't exist. But something stopped him. It was the way Aoba was sitting. His back against the tree, his shoulders slumped, his head hung low, facing the ground. For some reason it alarmed him, it just didn't seem right. "Aoba." he said, almost tentatively.

He didn't respond. He didn't even move. Noiz felt a strangling sense of urgency rise in him, an odd pain winding in his chest. He thought for a moment Aoba was hurt. Or worse. He couldn't understand why that made him worry, but for some reason it did. Relief washed over him when Aoba finally raised his head. "Aoba? Are you okay?" he heard himself ask. It felt surreal, as though it wasn't his own voice speaking, but rather someone else's. Aoba looked up, his long blue hair falling limply over his pale face. His cheeks were damp, and the skin around his eyes was so shockingly red against his pale pallor. Their eyes met for a brief moment, and Aoba's gaze was so stripped down with raw agony that it was too painful to see. Quickly he shifted his gaze, staring instead at the ground. Why did seeing Aoba in such an awful state fill him with pain? It was like someone's hand was clenched around his heart, trying to tug it from his chest. "Aoba." he said softly. He'd never spoken someone's name with such care before, and had no idea why he was doing it now. "Go away." Aoba muttered. His voice was hoarse and empty. "I hate you."

Noiz flinched back at those words, like he'd been struck with a bolt of lightening. A ray of orange sunlight flickered through the canopy of swaying leaves above Aoba, briefly catching his hair, his face. Noiz saw Aoba's tears glisten for a moment, spilling from his eyes like pearls, as Aoba looked at him, his gaze devoid of energy. "Just go." he repeated quietly. Noiz shook his head. Something deep down inside him had begun to emerge, peculiar feelings he'd never felt before, and he felt the sudden urge to embrace the other man. He wanted to be close to him, to touch him, but not in a sexual way at all. It was a different feeling all together, something that he wished he could just scrape from his brain because it left him feeling disorientated, like a he was lost in a labyrinth.

"No." he said. "Tell me what's wrong."

He didn't mean for his voice to be so demanding, but he was irritated at himself for feeling this way. It made no sense. Other people meant nothing to him, they were all just noise, obstacles, selfish lying fools who used him for personal gain. His money, his skills, his body. Whatever. He didn't need them. He didn't need anyone. Yet why did Aoba seem different? Why did it feel like every time they met, he was slowly carving himself into Noiz's heart, seeping under his skin? It pissed him off.

"Why do you care?" Aoba's voice was bitter, and his eyes darkened.

"I don't know. You just look so sad." Noiz spoke, before he could stop himself. He couldn't even comprehend the words escaping his own lips. Aoba wiped at his eyes, then shot Noiz a deadly glare.

"Are you mocking me?" he spat, his voice cracking.

"No."

Why did everything he say come out wrong? Why did everything he do make Aoba hate him even more? Why did it matter so much to him?

"Whatever." Aoba said coldly, his gaze travelling back to the ground. The silence that followed was tense, the atmosphere suddenly heavy. For a moment all he could hear was the sound of the leaves rustling in the gentle breeze, and the whole world seemed so fragile and still, like he was standing in a photograph. Then suddenly Aoba spoke. "I fucked up." he said, his voice filled with self loathing. "With your help, I managed to fuck everything up. So thanks for that." he added sourly.

Noiz felt something heavy in his stomach, spreading like a darkness and making him feel a little sick. He knew it was his fault. Because he'd been with Aoba that night, because he'd kissed him that day, because he'd slept with him...That's why Aoba was so upset now. If they'd never met, Aoba would still be in a relationship with that other guy. And he would be happy. He wouldn't be here, crying because his heart was broken. Shame coursed through Noiz' veins, cold and unforgiving. He'd acted selfishly on a whim, with no regards to the consequences. Like he always did. How many more people had he upset without realising? How long had he been ignorant to the cause of his own actions? He'd never cared before. He'd never stopped to even think. But now, looking at Aoba, his face streaked with tears, his pale brown eyes bloodshot and filled to the brim with pain, his lips trembling slightly, and his entire body shaking, he realised that his actions had consequences. Nothing anyone else ever did really bothered him, so naturally he didn't think about it the other way. He thought he was an island, alone and cut off from the world, but now he realised he was just floating in the ocean, and every move he made caused ripples that could spread like waves and push the people around him. He'd never felt a drop of compassion or sympathy, he'd never looked at another person and felt like they were of any importance, like could ever care about them. Until now. The realisation struck him like a dagger to the heart. He cared about Aoba. He couldn't say why, but deep down for some reason, he just did. He looked at the ground, unable to meet Aoba's agonized eyes. "I'm sorry." he murmured. It was probably the first sincere apology he'd ever uttered in his life. But it didn't make him feel better at all, it didn't relieve any of the sinking weight in his heart.

Aoba gave him a dismayed look, and then blinked. "No you're not. You don't give a fuck." he said aggressively. "You're probably happy. There's nothing to stop you from fucking me now."

Noiz was so taken aback by the harshness in his voice that it took him a moment to register Aoba's words, to let them sink in. Aoba stood up abruptly, and stared at Noiz. Even though tears still stained his cheeks, all the sorrow in his face was gone, and instead it was twisted into a manic grin, his eyes gleaming like shattered glass. Unease twisted in the pit of his stomach. Something wasn't right.

"Oi." Aoba said. His voice seemed cold and distant now. He marched up to Noiz, and glared up at him. Aoba was smaller than him, and his slender frame decieved Noiz into thinking he was fragile and weak. But there was a certain amount of strength in his arms when he grabbed Noiz by the collar, and pulled him forward, their lips crashing together in an intense kiss. It was so sudden an unexpected, his eyes went wide for a moment. He really had no idea what was going on and doubt and uncertainty crept through him, chipping away at the initial shock.

Was this really ok? It didn't feel right like this. Aoba's kiss was desperate and heated, like he was trying to escape from something, to run away. But he just couldn't help himself, he couldn't resist. Because it was Aoba. He returned the kiss with just as much vigour. Aoba's lips tasted slightly salty, probably from his tears. The world around him, just for moment, seemed to melt away into the sunlight, and the only thing he could feel was the warmth of Aoba's lips, the heat of their bodies pressed together as the space between them closed. His heart skipped in his chest, and for some reason he felt like he was floating, like he was no longer on solid ground. He knew it wasn't the same for Aoba. He knew Aoba didn't care about him. He was being used, and he knew he should hate Aoba for it. But every second their lips touched was precious all the same, and when the kiss deepened he felt dizzy with excitement, his heart pounding against his ribs. He found his arms wrapping around the other's slender waist, pulling him closer. Aoba gasped lightly, and then chuckled against Noiz's lips. His eyes still held that loosely insane look, and his laughter reflected it, echoing roughly through the empty lane. But he found himself liking this side of Aoba too. There was something strangely alluring about him when he was broken like this, like shattered fragments of glass reflecting in the sunlight. Even if his feelings were always going to be one sided, he'd still got lost in them. At that moment, that's what he thought. As long as he could be close to him, to touch and hold him like this, it didn't matter how Aoba felt. Why? Why was his mind such a mess over this blue haired moron?


	9. A Place to Stay

After the kiss broke up, Noiz felt like he'd been slammed back into a cold reality with brutal harshness after a long and pleasant dream. Aoba looked up at him with stunned eyes, his face twisted in self disgust, as though he'd just realised he was committing some grave atrocity. He shoved his hands against Noiz, pushing him away feebly. "Get back. Don't touch me." he said, his voice thin and trembling. Noiz regarded Aoba with suspicion. All traces of his earlier madness had vanished, like it had been hidden away under a mask, and now he was back to looking pathetic and vulnerable, his brown eyes clouded with misery. Noiz loosened his grip around Aoba's waist slightly, but did not let go, even when Aoba started lamely throwing his fists against Noiz's chest. There was no strength in his attacks at all, if they could even be referred to as such, and it didn't matter how hard he was hit anyway, Noiz would not feel any pain. Aoba kept weakly drumming his powerless, shaky fists against Noiz's body, who eventually got sick of it and grabbed one of Aoba's thin wrists in each hand, gripping them tightly. "Stop it." he said, with more harshness than he intended. The other man tried to pull away, but it was futile.

"Let go, let go." he repeated quietly, shaking his head. His blue hair fell over his face in a disheveled mess . He didn't sound frantic or desperate, he just sounded defeated. "Why won't you let go?" he asked, looking up at Noiz with lifeless eyes. It was that look again, that look in his eyes like he felt nothing but anguish, like he was being crushed from the inside out. Noiz's chest tightened as he met Aoba's gaze. He didn't want to let go of this warmth, he didn't want to let Aoba run away from him. "I don't want to." he said, fighting to keep his voice steady.

"Please." Aoba begged. Noiz lowered his eyes, unable to face such a look of desperation.

"Fine." he muttered, caving in and releasing his grip on Aoba.

Aoba pulled himself away, and then immediately stumbled backwards, unsteady on his feet. Noiz reached out a hand to grab him, but he was a moment too late. Aoba had already fallen over, landing his backside on the grass with a thump. He stared up at Noiz, seeming a little dazed, like he had no idea how he'd gotten on the ground. Noiz raised a pierced eyebrow. "Are you still drunk?" he asked.

Aoba shook his head. "No...I don't feel well."

Noiz looked down at him with a frown. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." he mumbled. "Just go away."

Again he was being told to leave, and it stung like a needle piercing his chest. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay, for even the slightest chance to feel that warmth envelope him, like it had when they were kissing. Why had it been so warm, like he was floating toward the sunlight? It wasn't like the blazing heat he'd felt before, burning up brightly like a thousand stars setting fire to the sky. It was warm and steady, gentle and embracing, like the soft glow of an unwavering flame. Aoba didn't want him around though, and the relisation left him feeling cold and hollow, like he'd fallen into the bottom of a dark, icy river. He was just a burden to the other man anyway. After all, whose fault was it Aoba was feeling so miserable?.

"Fine." he muttered with a sigh of defeat. He thought of saying something else, asking if Aoba was okay, if he had anywhere to go, but decided against it. His chest was crushed under a bitter ache, and he just wanted to get away so he could breathe again. After turning and slowly walking a few steps, he heard a soft thud behind him. He spun around to see Aoba lying face first on the grass, his limbs sprawled out awkwardly. Alarm rose in his chest, and he quickly darted back to his fallen figure. As he knelt down to examine Aoba, for a brief moment his mind flashed back to the first night they'd spoken, when Aoba had taken a drunken swing at him then collapsed onto the road. How long ago was that? A week? Less? He'd planned to leave him then, but now the idea of doing that made him feel sick with self disgust.

"Oi. Aoba." he said, unable to keep the fear from creeping into his voice. He stared at the limp body before him, and a painful fear clawed at his heart. "Aoba." he repeated, louder this time, as if raising his voice could rouse the other man. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what was going on. He reached a hand out and gripped Aoba's shoulder, gently turning his body face up. An intense chill shook him, but then he noticed the steady rise and fall of his chest and a rush of relief washed over him, calming his prickling nerves. When he saw Aoba's face though, he felt his stomach drop, and shock ran through him like ice. Aoba's eyes were shut, his long lashes almost brushing against the top of his cheekbones. He hadn't noticed it so much before, but now that he really studied him, he could see that his skin was bleached and dry, his face hollow and sunken, and dark crescent moons stained the creased skin beneath his eyes. A cold feeling crept into his gut, filling him with dread. Nothing about this situation was good, and he had no idea what to do. He'd never been close enough to anyone before, he'd never had to deal with something like this. Aoba had fainted, and his face looked so frighteningly and sickly pale, like he was on his deathbed. They'd been talking a minute ago, kissing just before that. It all happened so suddenly, and Noiz felt his heart race with panic. "Aoba!" he said, almost shouting. Fear clamped tightly around his chest, and before he knew it, he'd lifted Aoba, scooping him up in his arms. He seemed so light and frail, like a china doll that would shatter to pieces if he was dropped, which motivated Noiz to hold him with extreme care.

One arm supporting the back of Aoba's knees, the other gently holding his back, Noiz anxiously carried him toward his apartment. Aoba felt so light and fragile in his arms, like a sick child, and even through his clothes, Noiz could tell Aoba's skin was hot and sweating. One of Aoba's arms was sprawled across his chest, and the other dangled by hide side. His head fell back, and his long blue hair fell from around his face in limp strands. The journey was taking painfully long, and every step he took seemed to stretch out into an eternity. He wanted to get Aoba back to his place, lie him down somewhere, but then what? What should he do? He thought about it as he walked with slow and careful steps. He could look it up on the internet. Or call a doctor. He hated Doctors though. His smaller wounds would sometimes get infected because he never noticed them, and he'd have to go, and they always frowned at him disapprovingly or scolded him, saying he should stop fighting and be more careful. Why did they care? What business was it of theirs? He looked down at Aoba's pale face and felt a strange sense of responsibility swell inside him. He focused with determination on what he was doing until his entire being was focused on Aoba's unconscious form in his arms and he couldn't think about anything else. When he finally got to his place, he carefully laid Aoba on the couch, and he was just about to leave the room to call a doctor, when he heard the sound of fabric shifting, and a soft mumble rose up through the silence.

Aoba slowly opened his eyes, feeling as if they'd been glued shut and he was prying them apart painfully. The world gradually swam into focus, blurred and distorted at first, as though he was seeing from it beneath the surface of rippling water. His head felt heavy, an ache pounding through his skull like the constant bang of a drum, and his vision wavered with dizziness. He noticed immediately that his throat felt rough and dry, as though it was lined with sand paper, and his body felt hot and sweaty, as though he was submerged, fully clothed, in warm water. He desperately needed a drink, but he felt heavy and drained, and he couldn't find the spare energy to move. He lay down on something soft and unfamiliar, and for a moment he had no memory of where he was or what had happened, his mind floating in a state of unawareness. Then he heard someone hesitantly speak his name, and he turned his heavy head, to see Noiz before him, his green eyes surprisingly softened with a look of concern. Questions filled his disorientated mind, and he tried to speak, to ask what was happening. But his voice came out as barely a croak, and he began coughing.

"Aoba!?" Noiz's voice was filled with worry.

"Wa...ter" Aoba barely managed to choke out the word. His tounge felt dry and swollen, and his throat burned when he spoke. Noiz darted off in a hurry, appearing back after less than a minute with a glass of water. He held it out to Aoba, who slowly shifted into a sitting position, reaching for the glass. But when his hand closed around it, his vision suddenly blurred, and a wave of dizziness crashed over him, a numbness spreading through his limbs, making him feel as though his bones were made of lead. His fingers went limp, and the glass fell from his grip, the harsh sound ringing in his ears, the noise breaking through his foggy conscious like the slash of a blade. Aoba stared in wide eyed shock as it broke into pieces on the floor, the contents soaking into the carpet. He tried to apologise but Noiz had already wordlessly left the room, appearing back a few moments later with another glass of water. Aoba's body felt like a dried out husk of skin and he greedily gulped down the cold liquid. It swirled down his painfully parched throat, quenching the intense thirst almost instantly, and he felt a little better, the pain in his head easing off slightly. Noiz knelt down on the floor, silently picking up the shards of broken glass with his bare hands. Aoba apologised quietly, his voice still sounding hoarse. Noiz glanced up at him. "It's whatever." he murmured.

"What happened?" Aoba asked.

Noiz pursed his lips for a moment, then let out a sigh. "I don't know. You said you weren't well and then you collapsed."

"You should have left me." Aoba said. He didn't say it out of bitterness or anger. He just felt exhausted and empty.

"...Moron." Noiz said softly.

After that he left, with the sharp fragments of glass in his hand, and Aoba's tired mind began to race around in circles, trying to figure out exactly what was going on. He tried to cast his memory back and recall as much as possible of what happened earlier, but it was still a little hazy, as though his head was filled with smoke. He'd been sitting alone on that empty path, under the shade of a tall tree. The sun had seemed so bright, the fiery colour burning painfully into his eyes, and the world had been so still and quiet, like time itself had frozen. He had felt so trapped and isolated, like he was at the bottom of the ocean, drowning in a world of darkness and silence. But then Noiz had called out to him, and suddenly the bars of the cage he'd trapped himself in were shattered, and he looked up at that pierced face before him, feeling those eyes on him, cold and steady as ever. Then he'd become overwhelmed with a rush of anger and bitterness, and next thing he knew, he'd grabbed him and kissed him. He thought back to it, his cheeks stinging with shame. Why had he done something like that? He remembered the cold harshness in his own voice, thinking that it sounded so surreal, like it was not himself speaking at all. Then he'd snapped out of it. After that he had felt dizzy and light headed, and suddenly he'd been sitting down on the ground, gazing up at Noiz, then everything seemed to swirl into darkness. Then he was here. It seemed there was fragments missing here and there, parts that were too much of a blur to recollect properly, but he had a general idea of what happened. That must have meant Noiz had carried him all the way here. But why would he do that? He wasn't a caring person, he was usually so cold and distant, like he didn't feel a drop of concern for others. But Aoba was sure he'd seen worry in his eyes, heard it in his strained voice. But he didn't want to think about it anymore. His whole life had fallen apart, he'd lost everything. He didn't have time to worry about some pierced, perverted brat. Nothing mattered anymore. He stared into the bottom of his empty glass, having finished gulping down the cool water. He didn't know why he'd collapsed, but now that he thought of it, he felt extremely thirsty, so perhaps it was dehydration. After all, he hadn't drank anything but coffee and cider for the past two days or so.

Part of him wanted to leave Noiz's place immediately, but his body felt exhausted and drained, his limbs heavy and his brain numb. He couldn't find the strength nor motivation to move, so instead he stared ahead of him, incomplete thoughts swirling through his head in a muddy stream. His thoughts became too clouded, and his mind could no longer focus clearly. Eventually it overcame him in a crashing wave of tiredness, and he lay his head against the arm of the sofa, his heavy eyelids closing of their own accord. It didn't take long for the world of sleep to drag him in, eveloping him softly.

 _The bedsheets were that deep familiar red, the plush white pillows held that comforting scent of hairspray and soap. Koujaku's scent. Aoba sat on the edge of the bed, Koujaku's arms laced around his waist, holding onto him tightly. The warmth of his embrace was something he was so used to, he felt that it had become a part of himself, and that without it his heart wasn't whole anymore. Something tickled the hair on the back of his neck, and he realised Koujaku was softly kissing him. "I love you, Aoba." he whispered affectionately in his ear, his hot breathe sending shivers down Aoba's spine, making his face burn crimson red. As he gently rested his head on Aoba's shoulders, he gave his reply. "I love you too, Koujaku." he said, leaning back into Koujaku, feeling the heat of their bodies touching, even underneath a layer clothes. He turned his head at an angle, and they kissed lightly, grazing, soothing touches of their lips, filled with warmth and love. The window to their bedroom was open, and the soft floral scent of cherry blossoms wafted in, carried on a gentle breeze. Outside he could see them scattering in the wind, falling in a flurry of little pink snow flakes against a clear blue sky._ Please let this be real, _he thought._ Please let this moment last forever.

Aoba awoke, the dream still fresh and vivid in his mind. "No." he whispered, his voice filled with pain. He felt like his heart had been clawed from his chest, and in its place there was just the hollow, burned out charred remains of what used to beat inside his chest. The dream flashed back so vividly he could almost feel the warmth of Koujaku's touch, and smell the sweet scent of cherry blossoms graze his nostrils. Maybe it was because the dream was thrown together with scraps of his memories, locked away here and there inside his mind, but it just felt so real, and that made it all the more painful. Overcome with an overwhelming sense of loss, he began to sob silently. He was distantly aware he was actually crashing on Noiz's couch, and that at some point a soft, thin blanket had been draped over him. But he wanted to just close his eyes, and wake up next to Koujaku, and be told that he was forgiven, and that everything was going to be okay. But he couldn't, and the chances were he never would, and the realisation made his heart ache so painfully, it was as though it was constricted with barbed wire, and every time it beat another spike pierced into it. "I fucked up." he muttered, his voice devoid of life. "What am I even doing anymore?"

He threw his head back into the arm of the sofa, covering his eyes with his arms and crying into the sleeves of his shirt. He didn't care if Noiz heard or saw him cry. It didn't matter to him anymore.

He fell back asleep not long after that, and was tossed into a world of fitful dreams and agonising nightmares, that grated on his heart and wore down his emotions.

The man glared at Noiz darkly through deep brown eyes, letting out a haughty chuckle. "You ran the wrong way, Rabbit. We have you now." he said with a smirk. Three others closed in from behind him, all wearing cocky grins on their twisted faces, half shadowed under the hoods of their baggy black jumpers. Noiz hadn't ran the wrong way. He'd cornered himself in the alley on purpose, because he wanted a challenge. It was a closed in space, dark crumbling walls on either side of him, and a brick wall behind him. He wouldn't have much room to maneuver, and he couldn't go back, he'd have to fight his way through to get away. It was perfect. He looked at the thugs before him, rolling his eyes. They called themselves the highest ranking members of some new Rhyme team, and they had it in for Ruff Rabbit for some reason. Which meant they had it in for him. They were just a bunch of low life scum with nothing better to do when it came down to it. Rhyme had changed a lot since Usui stopped appearing, going back to how it used to be years and years ago, where challenges were random and completely unmoderated. It was a lot more brutal, and Noiz found it thrilling. Still, this was no Rhyme battle. These losers were after a real fight, because they'd already lost to him in Rhyme.

"You ran the wrong way." Noiz retorted, with a sharp glare.

The leader laughed hysterically. "What does that even mean, idiot?" he spat.

Noiz didn't answer his question. Instead he ran straight at him, lunging for his throat. The guy had quicker reflexes than he'd anticipated, and he jabbed a fist out at Noiz's face, whacking it into Noiz's cheek with a bone jarring impact. Noiz stumbled back slightly, then grinned, a warm surge of elation running through his tingling nerves. When the man swung again, Noiz just barely managed to avoid the flying fist by rearing back, then he sprung forward towards the man, grabbing him by the collar, and shoved him against the wall, hard. He heard smash of his head cracking against the bricks, and saw the flash of terror in his dark eyes. The warmth in his veins grew into a rush of exhilaration washing over him, boiling in his blood like a wave of fire. His heart began to race in his chest, and his body felt light and free, as thought he was weightless. Someone seized him from behind, and he was dragged and thrown to the ground. He felt the impact resonate through his bones, but there was no pain, only a dull ringing sensation, and he immediately bounced to his feet, just as one of his attackers swung at him. He didn't manage to dodge in time, and the fist caught his nose. He heard something crack, but he didn't feel anything and could only assume his nose had just been broken. The man swung again, but this time Noiz managed to grab his arm, twisting the limb at an awkward angle and applying more and more pressure until he heard something break, with a satisfying crunch. He watched as the assailant fell with wide eyes, sprawling out on the ground, clutching his broken arm and howling in pain. An overjoyed chuckle tore free from Noiz's lips, and he danced forward on the balls of his feet, driving his fist into another attacker's stomach, who'd come charging at him. Everything seemed to happen so fast, his body reacting before his mind could even think about what he was doing, the world whizzing by in a blur. The man fell to the floor with a choked grunt, where he curled up and let out pathetic gasping noises. The last man now stood alone, surrounded by his fallen friends. Noiz scowled at him. "Come on." he growled. With a cowardly whimper of defeat, he fled.

Noiz walked over to the leader, who was slumped against the wall, blood streaming down his face, his dark eyes hazed over with fear. He knelt down in front of him, ignoring the distressed protests for him to stay away, and reached into the pocket of the man's his jacket, fishing around for something. His hand closed around a wallet, and with a small chuckle he pulled it out. He found ID inside, in the form of a driver's licence. "Inazuma Ichiro." he muttered, reading the name from the top. "Good to know."

Then he counted out the cash inside, and stuffed it into his pocket. "5000 yen. That's enough for a large pizza with extra toppings." he said with a delighted smile, tossing the empty wallet toward where Inazuma trembled on the ground. Then, wiping the blood that dripped down his chin from his nose in a scarlet stream, he emerged from the darkness of the alley, into the soft silvery glow of the moonlight.

The pizza place he liked wasn't a long walk from where he was. It was before nine o'clock, so it would still be open. When he walked in, the bell at the top of the door chiming behind him, he was hit with bright glaring light and the thick smell of cheese and tomato and various spices and cooked meats. The place was empty, save for a bored looking cashier leaning over the counter, twirling her fingers through her long red hair. When she looked up, she made a face at him, but he ignored it and ordered the largest size pizza with random toppings, because he didn't really know what he wanted and his mind seemed a little fuzzy. He handed over the cash the the cashier, telling her to keep the change. He didn't want any of that scum bag's money burning a hole in his pocket. Then he flung himself onto a chair while he waited, and his mind began wandering.

He didn't know what to expect when he got back. Aoba had fallen asleep on his couch, so he'd carefully placed a blanket over him and left a glass of water for him on the coffee table, just a few feet away. He'd seemed really thirsty, and the way he spoke made it sound like his throat had been dried out. He hadn't locked the door, so he wondered if Aoba would still even be there when he got back. Part of him hoped he would, that when he opened the living room door, Aoba would still be lying in peaceful sleep on the couch. He'd looked so relaxed earlier, all signs of pain leaving his pale face as he slept. For some reason, he felt both distressed and comforted with Aoba around, and the conflicting emotions drove him crazy in ways he couldn't even begin to understand.

"Are you okay?" the girl at the counter asked, pulling him from his thoughts. He looked up at her face her. Before he hadn't really been paying attention, his mind too focused on calming his nerves. But now he looked at her, she looked vaguely familiar, but he was sure he hadn't seen her working in here before, and he couldn't place her face. He shot her a questioning look.

"Your face!" she said with a frown. "You're all bruised and bloody."

"It's fine." he muttered as she handed him his order. She said something in a hushed tone as he walked out the door, but he didn't catch it.

Aoba awoke to the sound of a door clicking shut, and instantly he bolted upright, the creased mess of a blanket falling from his body, exposing him to the cold air of Noiz's living room. The sun had long gone down, and the only light in the room came from the large TV on the wall in the middle of the room, creating a flickering glow in the area around it. He could hear mumbled voices and sound effects coming from the speakers, as though the volume had been turned down. The smell of pizza wafted up, and on a matching sofa across from him Noiz sat casually with a large cardboard box spread on his lap, eating a slice of pizza. Aoba was reminded of earlier today, when he'd ate with Noiz in this room just hours ago. He remembered how awkward it had been, and cringed inwardly. Noiz glanced over at him, his pale green eyes illuminated by the flashing TV lights. "Hungry?" he asked, tomato sauce dripping down his chin. There was something strange about his face. It may have just been the way the light from the screen cast shadows over his skin, but his nose looked a little crooked, and one of his cheeks looked dark and swollen. "Are you hurt?" Aoba asked before he could stop himself. Despite everything, he still couldn't suppress that instinct to show kindness and consideration for others.

"I'm fine." Noiz said with an amused smile. "You care now? You don't hate me?" he asked. His voice was teasing, but curious.

Aoba gritted his teeth. "It's only natural for me to show concern if you're hurt."

"Oh. Why?" Noiz asked, raising his eyebrows.

Aoba let out a frustrated sigh. "Whatever. I'm leaving."

"Oh. Where will you go?"

Aoba hesitated for a moment. It was a good question. He could go back home, but he'd rather not. He didn't want to set foot in that cold and hollow house, the idea made sickly chills run up his spine. He didn't really have any close friends he'd feel comfortable enough to stay with, nor did he have much money left. He fidgeted nervously under Noiz's gaze, looking down at his hands where they rest on his lap. "I don't know." he finally admitted, tightly digging his fingers into the soft material of the blanket.

"Stay here." Noiz blurted out.

Aoba shot him and incredulous look. "You must be joking." he said bitterly.

The blonde looked at him, their eyes meeting for a brief moment before he looked away. "I'm not." he said firmly.

"As if I'd want to stay with a stupid fucking brat like you." he spat his words out harshly, not knowing where the surge of anger had come from. A spark of hurt flashed in Noiz's eyes but quickly his gaze hardened like stone, then his face twisted into a scowl. "Fine, leave then." he said coldly. "The streets are cold. You'll probably freeze to death. Have fun."

Aoba glared at him stubbornly. Did he really have a choice here? Maybe he was being childish, maybe he should just go back home. He grew up there after all, and he was sure his brothers would welcome him no matter what. But Granny wasn't there. She never would be again. His stomach churned and he felt sick. He wanted to just go back to his real home, where he'd stayed for the past year, with Koujaku. His heart contracted painfully, like it was being squeezed in his chest. He felt his eyes get wet, warm tears spilling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry." he whispered. He didn't really know who he was apologising to. Maybe it was for losing his temper at Noiz, even after he'd been helped by him. Maybe it was for being an irresponsible mess, for hurting Koujaku. Or maybe he was apologising to himself, for being a massive screw up, for ruining his own life. It was just two simple words uttered from the depths of despair, with no real significance at all, yet they held an important meaning all the same.

FUCK FUCK FUCK. Noiz wanted to scream at himself, to smack his face against a brick wall. He'd made Aoba cry. He hadn't meant to, but he was just so damn careless with his words. It was hard, interacting with other people, when he didn't have even the slightest understanding of how they felt emotionally. He'd lived alone for so long, without ever really forming any deep and meaningful connections, now suddenly this blue haired man kept appearing before him, and somewhere along the lines he'd began to feel something for him, and it honestly terrified him sometimes. He didn't want to rely on other people, he didn't want to get attached, because in the end they were all liars who had used him. Even his own parents cast him aside, like he was nothing more than trash beneath their feet. Usually he just pushed people away, said and did things to make them hate him, or stopped talking to them altogether if he felt they were getting too close. But with Aoba he couldn't. He didn't want to. He wanted to depend on Aoba, and more than that, he wanted Aoba to depend on him. He didn't know why, he didn't know what was happening to him anymore. There was something about Aoba, a sort of gentleness and vulnerability that made him want to shelter him from the world, contrasting with a fierce and fiery strength too, which he had admired initially. "Aoba." he said. He liked the way his name sounded on his lips for some reason, the way it flowed out in two smooth syllables. Japanese was such a beautiful language, so different to his native tongue. Aoba glanced up at him, peering from behind loose strands of hair that had fallen over his face like blue seaweed. His eyes were darkened with pain, and his pale lips trembled as thought he was trying not to cry. But tears already flowed down his reddened cheeks, and quickly he wiped them away with his hand. "What?" he asked, his voice guarded.

"It was a joke. Crash here for as long as you want. I don't care."

Aoba shook his head stubbornly. "I-I can't."

"Why not?"

"Isn't it awkward...?"

Noiz frowned, not really understanding what he meant by that.

"Well...because of..." Aoba began to speak, then clamped his mouth shut in a tight line.

"Because...I don't really know you." he continued after a moment of thought, the words tumbling out clumsily. "And I don't really like you."

Noiz knitted his brows. "Why? What did I do?" he asked.

Aoba stared at him in dumbfounded rage. "It's your fault all this happened!" he spat sourly, his eyes flashing darkly with anger. "Because you kissed me, and...and..." his voice trailed off, and his face twisted like he was about to burst into tears again. Noiz felt his stomach tighten, and a choking feeling swelled up in the back of his throat. It was his fault. All of it. How could he have forgotten that his actions caused this? How could he ever forget the pain he'd seen in Aoba's eyes, the heavy sadness that was concealed in his gaze, and the raw agony in his voice when he had cried.

"If it is my fault, the least I can do is offer you somewhere to stay for a bit." he said with resolve. It seemed like the logical answer. He was the reason Aoba had nowhere to go, so he could give him somewhere to go. He didn't see any issues with the idea.

"Fine. Whatever. I'm too tired to care anymore." Aoba said, wearily. He'd already stayed here one night, and practically spent a whole day sleeping here too. What difference would another night make? Noiz wasn't flustered at all by the fact they'd had sex. He didn't even seem to care, and went on like it never happened at all. He was slightly envious of how indifferent the younger man was to everything, but then he realised it was to an extent that he was twisted, emotionally detached and completely unaware of how his actions effected anything around him. Noiz just seemed to live in his own little world, always going at his own pace without stopping to think about what he was doing, and when he thought about it, someone like that was pretty dangerous. But the concern he'd held in his eyes before, the way his voice rose with worry when he'd called Aoba's name, and the softness with which he spoke hadn't been a lie. Aoba knew he hadn't imagined those, and he doubted he was faking it. It seemed so raw and genuine, like he was a normal human being after all, and not some emotionally impaired machine. Maybe even someone like that was capable of compassion. He'd also been very kind, bringing Aoba some cold water, not reprimanding him for accidentally smashing the glass, and even went as far as to put a blanket on him while he slept. When he thought about all this, did Noiz really seem like such a bad person? Despite that, he was still worried Noiz had ulterior motives anyway. Maybe he was just trying to sleep with him again, but his tired mind and ground down heart didn't care anymore. He'd just leave if the brat tried anything, and that would be that. Right now all he cared about was getting rest, so he could go to work tomorrow. He probably wasn't emotionally stable for work, but he needed something to just take his mind off of everything, and he needed to hold on to his job. Even if it was part time, he could probably afford to rent a cheap flat in the old residential district if he got a room mate or something. Noiz's lips curled up in a slight smile. "Want some pizza?" he asked.

Aoba let out an exasperated sigh and curled up on the sofa, pulling the thin blanket around himself tightly.


	10. Broken

Koujaku glanced at his coil, and was instantly jabbed with a needle of disappointment. He'd been told earlier by Ren that Aoba been gone for two nights, so despite himself he was worried, and had tried calling him, and failing that had left some messages. But Aoba hadn't called back, or even bothered to leave a single reply. He didn't want to be concerned, he was still furious with Aoba after all. But guilt coupled with worry twisted inside him, because he knew there was a possibility Aoba would react this way after they broke up, and he had done nothing about it. With a frustrated sigh he threw head head back into the soft pillows of his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His gaze followed long, thin spidery cracks that spread out in the white paint, forming a web like pattern above him. He didn't want to think about the bed on which he lay, where Aoba's sweet scent still clung subtly to the sheets and pillows. For the past two nights when he'd tossed and turned, he had reached out for his boyfriend, to find comfort in his arms, only to realise that the space next to him was empty, and he was all alone in the night. The cruel reality of what had happened crashed upon him in those dark moments, and he'd feel hollow and bitter. But he wouldn't allow himself to regret his decision. Aoba had wronged him, humiliated him. It was one thing to be drunk and to cheat. Koujaku had tried to forgive that, to understand and get past it, because the situation had been complicated at the time. But to actually be caught kissing the same guy for a second time, completely sober and in his work place? It was unforgivable. Then he'd uttered those lame excuses, saying he'd been trying to push him away. It certainly hadn't looked that way. A pain clamped around Koujaku's heart, tight and crushing, and he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, trying to erase the image from his head, to replace it with something else before it drove him over the edge.

Then Aoba's face suddenly flashed in his mind, and for a moment all the pain washed away, as though a soft wave had spread over him. Aoba had looked at him with a sincere smile spread on his lips, his long blue hair flitting around his head in wisps of water. "I love you, Koujaku." he had said, his eyes gleaming in the golden sunlight as he spoke, his face immediately lighting up with an adorable blush that painted his fine cheeks red. He remembered the way Aoba's smaller hand felt in his, so warm and fragile, something he wanted to hold carefully, a warmth he wanted to protect. It was a memory from their first date, one of the most treasured days of his life. Koujaku's heart raced at the same rate it had back then, only now it was painful rather than exciting, and he felt like crying rather than laughing. He felt lost, as though staggering around in an endless, dark tunnel. He could almost feel his world shatter around him, his heart caving in like a collapsing building.

"I love you too, Aoba" he had replied, quietly as though he was whispering a precious secret from the bottom of his heart

His chest tightened. He felt like Aoba had carved a piece of him out, and took it with him when he left. He was broken. He was empty. He hated himself for feeling this way. Aoba should be the one who was lying in bed, crippled with heartache, regretting what he had done. Not him. Koujaku felt his eyes burn, and suddenly he heard himself roar, the sound of his anguished rage echoing back to him through the silence, like a stone cast into a stagnant lake.

Aoba had showered at Noiz's place before leaving. Noiz's bathroom was really weird, just like everything else in his apartment. Unlike what he was used to at Koujaku's place, a small room mostly decorated with wooden paneling, a basic shower head above a stool and a simplistic traditional style bathtub next to it, Noiz's seemed so big and fancy, over complicated with modern technology and contemporary decor. The walls and floor were all gleaming white tiles, and there was a large bathtub at one end of the room, and a spacey shower at the other, with a distorted glass panel and lots of switches and buttons for temperature and who knows what else. Actually washing himself took a bit longer than he would have liked, because he'd fiddled around with the unfamiliar buttons and switches, but once he was done he had slipped into his clothes from yesterday, and left with an awkward thanks to Noiz for his hospitality, explaining that he had to go to work.

He was really worried about facing Haga, and it wore away at his nerves, churning inside him like a stormy sea as he walked toward the town. But Haga had been surprisingly calm about it when he finally arrived at the shop.

"I understand you've had a really hard time of things lately." he'd said, gently but firmly. "Just tell me next time you're going to take the day off, if you disappear like that again I may not be so lenient next time."

Aoba had nodded stiffly, breathing a sigh of relief.

Now he sat on his seat, bored, leaning over the counter and staring into space. He needed a distraction, something to take his mind off of everything, and he thought going to work might help keep him busy. But unfortunately it was a quiet day, and his mind kept trying to wander back down dark paths. Losing his grandmother had been the single most painful thing in his life, even more so than any psychical wound he'd got from accidents or fighting. But with Koujaku it was a different kind of pain, the pain of losing the one thing he had left, of having the last spark of hope inside him flicker out. Every time he thought of it, he felt as though he'd swallowed glass, and it slashed away at his insides, tearing him apart.

It was almost lunch time, and Haga had said he could finish for the day at lunch. But where could he go? Maybe it was time to finally go home. He knew his brothers would welcome him without a second thought, but the idea of stepping foot through that door made his stomach churn, and his blood go cold. He didn't want to be there if his Gran wasn't there. He could maybe go back to Noiz's. He unconsciously shook his head. It was a ridiculous thought. After everything that had happened, that was probably the last place he needed to be. Besides, the more he thought about it, the more he realised something wasn't really right with Noiz. It wasn't that there was something wrong with his head, but rather his heart. Aoba couldn't say exactly what it was, but the guy seemed to be lacking in something basic and fundamentally human, and it left a bad feeling festering in his gut.

For lunch, Aoba had decided to go to the coffee shop. It had been quiet most of the day, but about twenty minutes before he was due to finish there was a rush of customers, both in the store and on the phone, and now he just felt like sitting and relaxing, to rejuvenate his energy. Surrounded by hushed chatter, he sat at a booth and sipped on his black coffee, staring at the thin crowd of people through the glass, distorted faces dribbling by in a trickling stream.

"Yo." a voice pulled him out of his reverie, and he looked up to see keen green eyes settled on him. Noiz looked down at him, holding a steaming cup of hot chocolate in his hand. He wasn't wearing his usual hat today, and his short blonde hair was in a scruffy mess, as though he'd just dragged himself out of bed. It somehow made him look younger, and the air about him seemed less severe.

"What do you want?" Aoba asked.

"Can I sit there?" he replied, gesturing to the seat across from Aoba.

"No." Aoba answered bluntly. He really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

Noiz sat down anyway.

"What was the point of even asking!?" Aoba demanded, feeling a little baffled.

Noiz just shrugged, and took a deep drink from his cup. The rich aroma of chocolate hit Aoba's nose, soft and sweet compared to the sharp smell if his bitter coffee.

It was then Aoba noticed a dark mark under Noiz's eye, a purple stain spanning across his cheek bone like it had been dyed. He hadn't really payed much attention this morning, just wanting to get away. But he recalled looking at Noiz's face last night, and seeing something slightly off about it when the TV light flickered across his skin.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

Noiz lifted up a hand, brushing it along his face where the bruise was. "I almost forgot." he muttered.

"Your nose too!" Aoba said, seeing that Noiz's piercings had been removed, and the bridge of his nose was slightly bent out of shape. It was only slightly crooked, barely even noticeable, but it was still worrying all the same.

"It's nothing" Noiz muttered, staring down into his drink.

Aoba almost growled with frustration. "Don't you go acting all tough when you're clearly hurt." he said angrily, leaning forward over the table. "Let me see."

"It's fine." Noiz said coldly, his gaze hardening.

Aoba sat back down in his seat, not wanting to get too close to Noiz when he glared at him like that.

"What happened anyway?" he said after a moment of silence, not willing to let it go.

"A fight." Noiz responded bluntly.

"Eh? Are you sure you're okay? I think you should probably go see a doctor, just in case..."

Noiz's mouth twitched. "No." he said.

"What?"

"I hate Doctors."

"Don't be such a kid. Your nose if bent out of shape. It will stay like that forever if you don't get it seen to."

Noiz just shrugged. "Doesn't it look cool though?"

Aoba gaped at him, mortified. "What!? How can you possibly be worried about that!?

Noiz just stared at him. "It's not cool then?" He asked, expectantly.

"No, it's awful!" Aoba cried.

All the light vanished from Noiz's eyes in an instant, and his face sunk into a deep frown. "Oh..."

"What?" Aoba dared to ask.

"It's nothing...I guess I'll go see a Doctor." he said slowly, staring down at the table.

"Good" Aoba replied with a weak smile. He was glad he'd managed to get Noiz to change his mind. He felt like deep down he shouldn't be so worried, because of what Noiz had done to him before. But he had a hunch that the he actually felt a hint of regret for the way he'd treated Aoba. Besides, he just wasn't the kind of person who couldn't care, and maybe that made him weak, but it was better than not caring about anyone at all. He'd noticed Noiz seemed so immature and childish sometimes, it was actually like dealing with a kid in a man's clothing, so it was normal that he felt a little concerned. Or at least that's what he told himself.

A silence passed between them. It wasn't exactly uneasy, but the atmosphere still felt a little strained. Then Aoba, whose eyes had been wandering back to stare out of the window, saw a flash of red among the crowds and felt his breathe catch in his lungs. He'd recognise that kimono anywhere. He'd seen it almost every day for as long as he could remember, admired the colourful, intricate pattern of leaves and birds and flowers so many times, ran his hands through the soft red fabric until his finger tips were so familiar with it, he could feel it when it wasn't there. Koujaku stood across the street, so strong and steady like a rock, the people streaming around him as though we was an island in the middle of a flowing river. Koujaku was walking across the road. Aoba's heart sped up painfully. Koujaku was coming this way. His hair fell over his face, curtaining one eye in a drape of dark blue, and for a moment his other eye met Aoba's, and Aoba felt his heart contract in his chest, all the air escaping his lungs like they were covered in tiny punctures.

"What are you staring at?" Noiz asked curiously. His focus on Koujaku didn't break, and he felt his nerves being pulled and twisted so tightly that surely something inside him was bound to snap at any moment. Then relisation crashed over him, and he was suddenly very aware of Noiz's presence across from him. Horror came over him in a cold wave. He was sitting in a coffee shop with Noiz. It was nothing romantic, with no implications of anything of that nature. He'd simply been drinking coffee, and the idiot had just showed up and sat with him. But it wouldn't look that way to Koujaku, who had caught him with Noiz twice, who was convinced there was something between the two of them. Koujaku would think that Aoba had meant to cheat, and he was now dating Noiz a mere two days after they broke up. He would be disgusted. He looked disgusted, his face twisting into revulsion, his eyes narrowing with a sharp threatening gleam, like he wanted to kill them both. Aoba wanted to bury his face into his arms, curl up and disappear, hide away on the other side of the universe where no one would ever find him again. Without even realising it, he'd lowered his head against the cool, hard surface of the table, and closed his eyes.

"Oh. He's coming this way." Noiz suddenly said. Aoba lifted his head, a sharp jolt running through his nerves. Noiz had made some sense of the situation.

"What!?" he looked out of the window once more, and caught sight of Koujaku at the entrance to the shop.

"Oh, he's coming in." Noiz muttered. He sounded slightly amused.

"Shit, shit, shit." Aoba said under his breathe. "We need to leave." He could feel his entire body tremble, and his voice came out unsteady.

"Why?" Noiz asked. The corners of his mouth curled slightly, almost forming a smile. The little shit knew exactly why.

The whole world seemed to stop for a moment, when Koujaku walked through the door, time grinding to a sudden halt. Then he turned and glared at them, anger and pain written all over his face. He looked like he was going to burst into explosive rage, his teeth gritted, his fists trembling by his sides. But after a moment, he seemed to calm himself, and he began walking toward them at a slow pace, each step very deliberate, his shoulders set, his chin raised. His eyes seemed steady, and full of a determined resolved, a threatening atmosphere rolling off of him in waves. Aoba quickly tore his eyes away, knowing that he had been staring. What could he do? He looked to Noiz desperately for answers, but the idiot just rolled his eyes and took a sip from his cup, as if to say 'whatever'. Aoba felt like a rat, trapped in the corner of a cage, with a hungry snake coiling on either side of him. There was no where to run, and no where to hide. Koujaku was closing in, like a predator hunting his prey. Shame and fear coursed through his blood like poison. He just wanted to get away.

"Move." Koujaku commanded, standing behind Noiz. His eyes were darkened with rage, and his voice was deep and threatening, yet unsettling and calm. Noiz didn't even glance up at him. "No." he declared in response. He felt a hand grab him by the back of the shirt, and forcefully drag him from his chair. "Move." Koujaku repeated again, his voice seething with anger. Aoba stared across the table at them in horror, his brown eyes wide and trembling. Noiz tore himself from Koujaku's grip, and immediately stood, whirling round to face him. He was dimly aware that other people were casting curious gazes in their direction, but he didn't care. The only eyes he met were Koujaku's, blood red and burning like fire. "No." he repeated sternly. He wasn't really sure why, but he couldn't back down to this guy. His fingers twitched, aching to swing at him. But he restrained, for Aoba's sake. This was someone Aoba cared deeply about, someone he loved. He wasn't really sure what happened for a moment. It was all a blur, and the next thing he knew Koujaku had lunged at him, driving a fist into the side of his head. A sharp crack resounded in his skull, and his mind went blank for a moment. There was a commotion all around him, a cacophony of voices, some screaming, some cheering, and amidst it all he heard Aoba call out his name. Then he recovered, although his vision was still a bit distorted and fuzzy, just in time to see Koujaku swing at him again. The look in his eyes was almost chilling, as though he had been consumed with rage. Noiz felt something warm buzz inside his veins, like something that had been sleeping in his blood suddenly flutter into life. He darted out of the way, with practiced skill and speed, and then swung around, jabbing at the other man's stomach. His punch hit home, and Koujaku stumbled back, choking. Then a grin spread on his lips, and once more he came at Noiz, and they swiftly exchanged blows between them, some landing, some missing, some deflected and some dodged, the whole fight rolling into one blur of movement. They crashed into a couple of tables during their clash, smashing cups and spilling drinks as they went. He could still hear the shouting around him, Aoba begging them to stop, the owner of the shop threatening to call the police, people egging them on, obviously wanting to see a fight. But eventually it all faded out, until he could barely hear anything but the blood rushing in his ears. Noiz's mind went blank, all other thoughts erased as he focused solely on his opponent, keeping an eye on his every slightest move. But even with his trained eye, Koujaku was still too fast. It had been a while since he'd fought someone so strong, and the thrill ran through his blood like flames, burning him right down to the bones. Then he saw a flash of blue out of the corner of his eye, and something darted between them. Suddenly staring at the back of Aoba's head, who stood in to intervene with his arms stretched out, Noiz froze, his hands falling to his sides. He couldn't do anything with Aoba in the way, the last thing he wanted was to hurt him. But suddenly the blue haired man was shoved aside, a cry escaping his lips. "Move." Koujaku said quietly. Aoba stumbled, then regained his balance, staring at Koujaku in wide eyed shock, hurt and dismay flashing in his eyes. The sight made something inside Noiz snap, rage flooding through him like a surge of water sweeping over a broken dam. How dare he raise a hand to Aoba like that? How dare he make Aoba's face twist into such a pained expression?

"Bastard." Noiz spoke, the word rumbling from his throat in a low growl. Then he charged at him, and at the same time, Koujaku came at him, and again they were locked in a fist fight. Until once again, Aoba tried to split them up, this time circling behind Koujaku wrapping his arms around his back tugging him away with all his might. Noiz knew it was futile. Koujaku was better built than Aoba, with more strength. It was pointless for Aoba to try and oppose him, with his small frame and weaker body, but still he tried to drag him away from Noiz anyway. Until Koujaku shook him off. But Aoba immediately got up again, and clamped his arms around Koujaku once more. "Get off." Koujaku spat, this time driving his elbow back into Aoba, who suddenly let go and doubled over, his eyes writhing in agony. It took Noiz a moment to realise what had happened, and when he did he felt a coldness crash upon him like ice, washing away the heated haze of adrenaline. Aoba was hurt. He heard himself calling out his name, and he darted by Koujaku, who was staring at Aoba with a confused expression, as though he wasn't quite sure himself what he had just done.

Koujaku had dug his elbow right between Aoba's ribs, and the pain of being struck there was so sharp and intense he felt for a moment he was going to pass out or throw up. But somehow, after doubling over in agony, and almost falling to the ground as his legs trembled, he had managed to recover. Tears streamed down his face, and he glared at Koujaku, who stood in front of him looking bewildered as Noiz moved in their direction. A dim shock came over Aoba, and his thoughts began to fade into darkness. He couldn't think of anything, couldn't make sense of anything. Except one thing. Koujaku had struck him. When he realised it, piecing together the last few moments in his head, he could barely believe it. His mind refused to process the idea, he couldn't wrap his head around it at all. The only thing to tell him it was real, that it had actually happened, was the pain that pulsed in his side. Koujaku stared at him blankly, then his face sunk into despair when he realised what he had done. Noiz rushed to his side, but he felt the sudden urge to push him away. He didn't want to be touched, he just wanted to be left alone. "Get away. Don't touch me!" he spat. He was tired, bitter and hopeless. He'd had enough of everything, he just wanted it all to end. He felt like he was balancing on the edge of an abyss, staring down into a sea of pitch black. One little push, and he'd tumble over the edge, falling into the darkness. Maybe he'd be better off that way.

Koujaku staggered toward him, his eyes wide. "Aoba..." he said quietly, sounding a little dazed. Aoba glared at him. Koujaku looked taken aback, and with an apologetic voice he continued. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean-" Aoba felt rage boil in his blood, surging through him an intense like fire, and before he knew it he had punched Koujaku in the face, stopping him mid sentence. The feeling of his fist crash into Koujaku's face sent a bone jarring shock wave through him, so strong that for a moment he felt he'd been propelled from his own body, like he was no longer himself anymore. Then he was slammed back into reality with brute force, his hand aching like his fingers had been snapped, his body trembling, his stomach feeling empty and cold.

Everything after that seemed so surreal and quiet, like he'd been suddenly thrust from the middle of a storm onto a calm, empty beach. It was hard for him to focus, his mind refusing to take his surroundings in, his vision slightly blurred.. Pain coursed through his body, and cold chills pierced through to his bones. The crowd seemed to disperse after that, sensing it was over, and Mister Morimoto, the owner of the shop, demanded that they leave immediately and never come back. Despite the intense shivers that ran through Aoba's body, and the fact his legs felt like they were about to shatter beneath him, he ran out of the shop. He heard Noiz and Koujaku call after him in unison, but only one set of foot steps followed, clacking against the pavement behind him. He didn't know who it was, he didn't know which man had followed him. He didn't care. Tears streamed down his face and whether it was from the psychical pain or emotional stress, he didn't know. He just wanted to be alone.

He thought he'd heard the foot steps behind him receding, and for a moment he stopped, feeling breathless. His lungs flared up with burning pain, and his legs trembled beneath his weight. A dull ache still coursed through his fingers, a dim reminder of what he had done, but more painfully, his side ached, as though a knife had been jammed between his ribs. Koujaku had hit him. The relisation was more like a psychical blow to the face when it finally sunk in, and with a cry of despair, he crumpled to the floor, feeling completely and utterly defeated, like the weight of the world was pulling him down. His chest felt like it was being crushed, and his throat felt like it was lined with sandpaper. His entire body ached and shivered, and his hair fell over his face like limp rope. He wrapped his arms around himself, his body trembling with suppressed sobs. Why did it have to be like this? Everything seemed so broken, he had no idea where to even begin putting it back together. But maybe it was already too late. Things between him and Koujaku would never go back to normal. Just as Koujaku's trust in him had been shaken, he too could no longer trust his ex boyfriend. He felt like a huge part of him was being torn from his body, chunks of his heart, his soul, his life were being taken away. All the memories they'd built, from when they were children, up until now. The days they'd played in the park as kids, laughing and joking without a care in the world, the days Koujaku had stood up for him when he was being teased by older children, and walked him home as he sobbed, gently holding his hand, the first time he'd looked at his childhood friend and felt something strange and unfamiliar stir inside him, a distant longing, an odd desire. The first time they had kissed, how just for a moment everything seemed to fall into place, like snow setting on the ground, perfect, clear and white. It was something he hadn't even realised he'd wanted for so long, and to find out Koujaku had wanted him too, he had thought his heart was going to burst with joy. There were so many things they had done together, so many firsts, and now it felt like they would also be lasts. He could feel it all, dissolving inside him as everything faded away, the memories so vivid, yet so vague, being locked away inside his mind among the other things he couldn't bare to remember. It was over. They were truly done.

"Aoba!" a voice called out after him, breaking him free of his thoughts. "Shit, you can run when you want to." Aoba slowly turned to see Noiz, his wispy pale hair lit up like a golden halo in the sunlight, his green eyes uncharacteristically soft, like stones on the beach that had been worn down into smooth pebbles. "Are you okay?" Noiz asked as he rushed to Aoba's side, his voice strained with worry.

"I don't know anymore." Aoba muttered, barely able to speak. "I just don't know..."

Koujaku's hands were clenched into fists at his sides, blood streaming between his fingers in ribbons of red, the pain from the cuts sharp and fresh. The sound of the glass smashing still rung in his ears like a persistent bell, and he stared at his reflection in horror as it stared back at him, shattered into distorted pieces like the unfamiliar face of an abstract art work. What had he done? Seeing those two together like that had made something break inside him. His mind had flashed back to that night he'd saw them together, and that day he'd saw them kiss. A pressure had built in his chest, choking him, at the thought of those filthy hands touching Aoba. His Aoba. He couldn't think about anything else, rage and pain had swirled inside his head like a maelstrom of fire, and before he knew it, he'd snapped. All he had wanted back then was to get rid of that brat, because...he still wanted Aoba. Because he was on obstacle between them, the thing that had drove them apart. But his heart still belonged to Aoba, the only thing that kept it beating inside his chest was his loving smile. It was all he had left after losing everything. Even if Aoba had betrayed him, even if he'd walked all over him and trampled him into the dirt, he still loved him. It would be hard, but he could forgive him eventually. But now he'd ruined everything. He had been so consumed with his rage fighting the other guy, he'd lost control of himself, and before he could even think, he had hurt Aoba. The look of pain and dismay in his eyes, the way his face twisted into pain, it was unbearable to know he'd caused that. He'd snapped to his senses in an instant, and then realising what he'd done, he'd tried desperately to apologise...and was struck in the face. Caught in a swirl of confusion, dizziness, and self loathing, he'd somehow managed to get back home, stumbling along the busy streets. And he'd found himself standing in front of his bedroom mirror, staring at his face. But he couldn't bear to look at himself without feeling sick with self disgust, so in a fit of rage he'd drove his fist into the glass.


	11. A Heart That is Torn

Noiz really hated hospitals. He hated how the room in which he was confined smelled so strongly of disinfectant that it burned his nostrils, and how the white washed walls seemed to close in on him like a cage, and the glare of the lights was so nauseatingly bright it stung his eyes. He hated how solid and uneven the bed that he lay on felt beneath him, how the metal strings creaked like they were going to snap under every slight movement, and how the pillow felt like it was stuffed with stones rather than feathers. But most of all he hated the doctors, with their pretentoius attitudes and fake smiles, dressed in their clean scrubs, long white coats draped over them like cloaks, their heads held high as though they were looking down on the world.

"Now, now Wilhelm, your lifestyle is unhealthy." they always used to say back when he lived in Germany, again and again like a record on repeat. Different doctors, different faces, different names, all with that same condescending look in their cold eyes, and that same smug false smiles on their smirking lips. "You need to stop getting into fights, one of these days your life could be in danger." They didn't care. They were just looking down on him.

They were no different in Japan, only now they spoke another language and called him by another name.

"Noiz?" he looked up when he heard the voice, half in a daydream, his mind still so far away that he hadn't even noticed the concerned blue haired man take a seat by his bed. "Noiz?" Aoba repeated, his voice depleted with exhaustion. He looked exhausted too, his face sunken and pale, the skin under his weary brown eyes dark and drained. Even his usually bright blue hair seemed dull and lifeless, as though it had lost its natural shine. He brushed loose strands out of his face with a worn out sigh. "Answer me, idiot." he muttered.

"Sorry." Noiz eventually replied. "I'm tired."

He'd only managed to drag himself from the uncomfortable bed once this morning, to close the curtains over and block out the glare of sunlight. He couldn't stand that as well as the bright lights above him.

"I've been told I can go home this morning." Aoba said. "So I came to say goodbye before I left." his voice shook slightly when he mentioned his home.

"I don't even know why they kept you in overnight. You didn't break any bones."

"Apparently I'm malnourished or something." he said indifferently, like he didn't really care about his state of well being at all.

"Aoba." he said softly. "When was the last time you ate something?"

"I don't know." he muttered tiredly. "They made me eat soup last night. It was disgusting."

Noiz sighed. "Once I'm out of this shit hole, I'll buy you some pizza." he said with a weak smile.

"It's fine, really." Aoba said quickly, sounding a little flustered.

"You have somewhere to go, right?"

For a brief moment, Aoba's face flashed with a distressed look, but he quickly composed himself.

"I guess I could go home." he said, as though awkwardly forcing the words out of his mouth.

Noiz raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "You do have a home, right?"

Aoba glanced down at his feet. "Yeah...but."

"Idiot." Noiz said harshly. "I don't care if you stay with me. If you have nowhere to go, just go back to mine."

"But..." Aoba started. He hesitated for a moment, the words jumbling up in his mouth before pouring from his lips. "It's not like I want to stay at yours, but I don't want to go home either, and I've got no one to stay with right now so...so yeah I'll go but don't think it's because I want to or anything. I still don't like you." he felt like he was acting stubborn and childish, but for some reason he'd much rather be with Noiz than with his brothers, in that cold and empty house.

Noiz rolled his eyes. "Fine with me. Just as long as you're safe." he said, seemingly fiddling around the coil on his arm. "I just sent you the access codes for the building and my apartment. Just hold your coil up to the doors and it will work."

"Why bother to help me?" Aoba asked. He didn't understand. "Why go this far for someone you barely know?"

Noiz stared up at the ceiling, his eyes shining in the white glare of the lights like green gems. "Because I like you." he said with a childish grin. Aoba stared at him in baffled horror. Surely he didn't mean it in that way?

"What do you mean? I just said I don't like you!" he responded, heat rushing to his face in tiny sparks. Noiz looked at him, his green eyes sharpening with resolve. "I _like_ you." he said with very deliberate emphasis. Aoba blinked. Surely he was joking, that any minute now he'd go back to his usual detached self, and act like he didn't care about anyone or anything. Noiz always seemed so impassive, like his heart was set in stone, but every now and then when they were talking, a slight smile would appear on his lips, or his eyes would light up. It was just small gestures that reminded Aoba the other man was indeed human, and not an unfeeling machine. And that maybe he was capable of feeling that way too. But it wasn't that simple.

"I don't feel the same..." Aoba said slowly after half a minute of strained silence. He wasn't sure what else to say, and he'd half expected Noiz to come out with some punchline or something.

"I know." Noiz said rigidly. "But..." his voice trailed off, and suddenly Aoba felt himself being pulled forward. Before he knew it, he was leaning over Noiz with his hands on his chest, and their lips were pressed together.

Unlike the time in the junk shop when Noiz had dragged him into a kiss, this time it wasn't forceful and harsh. It was soft and gentle, his lips touching Aoba's with care. At first Aoba felt the urge to pull away, his mind screaming that it was wrong, but Noiz's hands were careful, caressing his face, his shoulders, his back, running through his long hair, and for some reason it brought warmth and comfort to his racing heart, calmed his swirling mind until he found himself being swept into the kiss, like a strong current dragging him out into the middle of the ocean. It was dangerous, and he ran the risk of drowning, but for some reason none of that mattered, and everything around him and all his thoughts and concerns slowly fell away one by one. He had no idea what he did or didn't want anymore, but lost in the moment, he saw no reason to stop kissing Noiz. He could feel warmth now, not just from the heat of their pressing lips and lightly touching tongues, but from Noiz himself, as though his feelings were flowing into Aoba in a stream of warm sunlight. Noiz cared about him. Noiz wasn't using him. That's what it felt like when they kissed, like he was trying to prove his feelings weren't a lie. It was sweet and genuine and honest, it was-

The sound of the door handle rattling behind them, and the startled voice of a young female nurse pulled Aoba out of his daze, shattering the moment completely. He blinked and then quickly pulled away, his face going bright red.

"Oh...sorry." she muttered awkwardly from the doorway. Noiz glared at the nurse, his green eye sharpening into shards of glassy jade. He didn't seem very happy at the interruption at all.

"I think I'm going to go...I have work today anyway" Aoba said slowly, unable to look Noiz in the eye without embarrassment rushing over him. Noiz blinked and muttered an apology, casting his gaze downward. Aoba wasn't quite sure what he was apologising for, but he seemed a little agitated.

After that Aoba left in a hurry, avoiding the curious eyes of the young nurse as he slipped past her at the doorway, his mind racing, his thoughts swirling through his heads in scattered pieces. He was so embarrassed his face was burning, and he trembled as he walked. To be seen by prying eyes in a position like that with Noiz. Just thinking about it made his face sting with shame. But on top of that, he felt like nothing made sense anymore. It's not like he hated Noiz. As much as he said it, he didn't even dislike him. But he didn't like him either, certainly not like that. So he couldn't understand why his heart was beating like it was about to burst, and his face was so hot he thought it was on fire, all just from one kiss. It hadn't been a horrible kiss. It hadn't been unpleasant. It was actually nice, and for some reason he hadn't wanted to stop after the initial urge to pull away had faded, and if that nurse hadn't walked in on them, they might not have stopped at all. How far would he have went? Would it have been like last time, when he was out of his mind? He shook his head unconsciously. He was sure he wouldn't do that again. That was the alcohol and drugs, not him. It was probably too late to feel this way, but in kissing Noiz like that and actually enjoying it, he felt like he was betraying Koujaku in a way, trampling over his feelings and their precious memories together, so soon after breaking up. It left an uneasy feeling in his stomach, heavy and bitter like muddy water.

Aoba had called Haga earlier and said he was in hospital overnight, and would be late to work. Haga had insisted he go home and take it easy, but eventually they'd agreed Aoba could work a couple of hours after lunch. It was around three by the time he finished, and dark grey clouds had rolled over the afternoon sky in a dull curtain of grey, bringing with them a heavy pressure that seemed to weigh him down, blocking all the clear blue sky and warm sunlight. With reluctance he headed in the direction of Noiz's place. He wasn't sure why, but for some reason his stomach churned like it was filled with poison, and his nerves were tightly strung like they were about to snap. The confession from earlier still lingered in his mind, Noiz's voice reviving in his head. "I _like_ you" He'd said, so earnestly that it made him seem so young and vulnerable, like a school boy confessing to his crush. And then that kiss. Aoba's heart reeled just thinking about it, his face burned up like he was sitting next to an open fire. Why had he let Noiz kiss him like that? Why had _he_ kissed Noiz like that?

"Aoba..." a shaky voice behind him pulled him from his thoughts, and he turned to see those familiar crimson eyes, that red kimono fluttering in the wind like autumn leaves caught in a strong breeze. Koujaku stood before him, his face strained with uncertainty, his eyes wavering. The first few drops of rain began falling gently, soaking softly into their clothes and hair. Aoba felt like a strong wind had rushed through him, blowing away all the air in his lungs. He shivered slightly, suddenly feeling very cold. "Koujaku..." he said softly, his voic just barelye escaping his lips before disappearing into the cold air.

"Aoba...I'm sorry..." Koujaku said, taking a hesitant step forward. Aoba flinched back, fear gripping his heart, the pain in his side flaring up as a reminder of what had happened yesterday. Since when had he grown so afraid of the man he loved? "Aoba..." Koujaku said, stopping in his tracks. A look of pain twisted his face, and his voice was filled with sorrow and regret as he spoke. "I'm sorry...I'm truly sorry that I hurt you." It sounded like he was apologising from the bottom of his heart, trying to release the weight of every sin he'd ever committed. His eyes were so stripped down to raw agony, as though they were bleeding, and his shaking fists were clenched at his sides. "I know it's not enough." he said, his voice unsteady. "But...I'm sorry. I should have listened to you, I should have trusted you. I did a lot of thinking after yesterday. I let my jealousy and anger get the better of me. I love you. I could never stop loving you. I know it's probably too late, but is there any chance we can talk?"

For a moment, Aoba stared in stunned silence, his eyes going wide. His heart seemed to seize up in his chest for, and he couldn't think of anything to say, he couldn't register Koujaku's words. Surely it was too good to be true? A chance to sort things out, to make up for what he'd done, to rebuild and restore all that they once had. He was about to speak, to give his reply, but the heavens above them opened up, and suddenly the whole world was being drowned in heavy lashing torrents, each drop cold and unforgiving like the sting of a needle, washing away the words on the tip of his tongue, erasing all thoughts from his mind. In seconds they were soaked through to the skin, as though they'd just dived into a river and swam back to shore. He couldn't hear himself think, and the loud bettering of the sudden downpour drowned out every sound except the hammering of his heart.

"Koujaku." he said, facing his ex lover. But before he could continue, Koujaku darted forward through the rain, and grabbed him by the wrist. "Aoba. You've become so thin. Are you eating properly?"

"What?" Aoba asked, the nerves up and down his spine prickling from the sudden touch.

"I'm just so worried about you." he said softly. The gentle warmth had returned to his eyes, but he smiled sadly. Aoba's heart pounded in his chest, and suddenly he was back with Koujaku, on those sunny they would walk hand in hand, under the sweet scent of cherry blossoms, and those moonlit nights they'd curl up together in bed, enveloped in each other's warmth. Could they really go back to that? Aoba yearned for it like someone desperately reaching toward the stars, to have them grant his wishes. He would give up anything to return to those days, where he could wake up with a smile on his face next to the man he loved with all his heart. But a dull ache resonated through his ribs, a harsh reminder of how much things had changed.

Then Koujaku kissed him, and all the doubt and uncertainty was erased from his mind, as though washed away in the endless showers of rain. The drops crashing against his skin that had once felt unpleasant and cold now held a pleasant warmth, and the world around him melted into the falling water, consumed up by the rain until nothing else existed but them and the sound of rainfall. He didn't care they were on a street where people might see. He didn't care that his heart had been broken beyond repair, and that he had done the same to Koujaku. Something inside him seemed to fall into place, like his soul breathing a sigh of relief, his shattered heart slowly pulling itself back together, caught up in a swirling current. They embraced each other, and suddenly he felt like this was right where he belonged. These were the only arms that could hold him, the only lips that could kiss him, the only heart that could heal him. Rain water streamed down their faces, soaked through their clothes, collected in their hair, but Aoba couldn't even feel it any more. The only thing he could feel was the places which Koujaku and him touched, creating electric heat that ran through his body, igniting in his veins.

When they finally pulled away from each other, gasping for a lung full of air, Aoba only got a mouthful of rainwater, as it streamed down his face and onto his lips. He gasped, and then began coughing, his throat suddenly seizing up as he accidentally swallowed some of it. Koujaku stared at his face, his eyes large and red, like roses in bloom. He pulled Aoba toward him, one hand gently rubbing his back to soothe him. "We should go back. It's too wet out here."

"Go...back?" Aoba asked, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Home. We can dry off before we catch a cold...and then talk about everything..." he said slowly into Aoba's ear. His warm breathe tickled his earlobe, soft like the brush of a feather, and Aoba suppressed a shiver. His clothes stuck to his body, soaked through with the rain, and his hair was plastered to his face, dripping water, but for some reason in Koujaku's arms he didn't feel cold. He felt more warm and alive than he had in weeks, and his heart fluttered with joy in his chest. Was he happy? He buried his face in Koujaku's shoulder, taking in everything. His scent through the heavy, wet material, his body heat under the rain soaked clothes, the feeling of his arms wrapped around him, fending off the needles of icy water with a soft heat, the brush of his dark hair over the top of his head, soft and wet like it was licking his face. "Thank you." he said breathlessly, looking up at the man he loved.

Aoba sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee from a large mug. Steam rose up from it, warming up his cold face, like sunlight thawing away ice, and the hot liquid sunk into his stomach, erasing the intense chill from his bones. A soft towel was placed over his head, to dry off his hair and it fell down to his shoulders like the hood of a cloak. All his things were still at Koujaku's, so he'd found a change of clothes easily, and slipped into a pair of baggy jeans and a plain white T shirt that was now too large for him. He really had lost a significant amount of weight. He noticed it when he was changing, examining himself in the tall gilded mirror in the corner of Koujaku's bedroom. His waist was so slim, it seemed like it going to wither away. His body used to be lightly muscled, but it seemed even that had all worn away, and now his arms and legs were nothing but skin and bone. The lines of his ribs were heavily accentuated, as though his skin were stretched tightly over the bone. There was a dark bruise across the side of his body, and he felt a pang of despair run through him...Koujaku had done that. That was the mark left on him, after being at the receiving end of his rage. It was such a shock to see himself like this, and he'd had to tear his gaze away from the mirror, unable to endure looking any more. What had he been doing for the past five weeks? What had he put himself and his body through for it to deteriorate so much? After he'd got dressed, out of habit he had went to check his face in the small oval mirror that hung on the wall opposite the bed, but for some reason it was no longer there. Frowning, he had left the room to return to the kitchen, where Koujaku stood by the door, offering him a cup of coffee.

Everything around him seemed so familiar when he was in this house, yet it was strange and surreal at the same. He remembered the careful lay out, the matching furniture, the traditional decorations, even the scent of every room, and it all came flooding back to him, as naturally as breathing. It was like he'd been on a long journey, somewhere harsh and unforgiving, but now he's finally returned to the comfort of his own home, where he could relax. But was it still his home? Only if he was able to fix the broken bonds between him and his lover, and return to how it used to be.

Koujaku sat across from him at the table, eyeing him with both eagerness and caution. He too had changed, from his usual decorative red kimono into one a bit more toned down, dark red like the colour of his eyes, with a black sash. His hair was also down, falling over his shoulders in wet clumps, and his fringe which usually hid his face was pushed behind his ear, revealing the black tattoo which spanned from under his eye to his temple, in harsh, dark intricate strokes of ink. "Aoba." he said, determinedly. "I think we need to have a long talk. About everything. I can't tell you how sorry I am about yesterday. I never meant for you to get hurt, and there is no excuse. I just got so angry, seeing you together with him. I need to know, there's nothing going on between you two, is there?"

Aoba shook his head vigorously. "No!" he said urgently. He desperately wanted to convince Koujaku. "Nothing"

"That day in the shop...Can you tell me what happened then?"

"He kissed me." Aoba said calmly. There was no need to get worked up, he just needed to explain his side of the story. "He just showed up out of nowhere, and then we were talking and he suddenly grabbed me and kissed me. I tried to push him away."

Koujaku leaned back in his seat, his eyes closed as though contemplating something. "So he kissed you." he said slowly, taking a deep breathe.

Aoba nodded, feeling relief wash over him. Finally it seemed like Koujaku was willing to listen to him.

"Tell me where you've been for the past few days. Since we broke up." Koujaku's steady gaze met his, a quiet warning held in his deep red eyes. Aoba's heart contracted in his chest, and he felt himself freeze, ice creeping into his veins, the relief turning to despair. "Aoba!" Koujaku said, his voice suddenly raised. "Ren and Sei are looking for you, so you haven't been home. Mizuki hasn't seen you. I even had to call Clear, and he told me you were at the club that night, but he hasn't seen you since. Where the hell have you been? The streets?"

Aoba shook his head, his throat feeling tight. Suddenly the room felt very small, as though the walls were closing in, and Koujaku's eyes on him were like a heavy pressure that he could feel against his skin. "I stayed with...someone." he said, looking down. He suddenly felt very wary of his ex boyfriend. He could tell he was getting angry again.

"Was it him?" Koujaku asked. Aoba felt like he was trapped in a small room, being driven by interrogators to confess to a crime. He knew he couldn't lie. Unable to let out his voice, he nodded stiffly.

"Why?" Koujaku asked. He was trembling with rage now, but trying so hard to remain composed.

After a moment, Aoba tried to compose himself and speak, but his voice came out unsteady. "I'm sorry. I was so upset. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to forget about everything. I wasn't sober, I wasn't thinking straight, I'd taken something Virus and Trip gave me, and I just saw him there and it sort of happened. _"_

"What happened!?" Koujaku roared, finally losing his temper. Aoba flinched, every hair on his body jolting. "And I've told you. Never to go to those two, never take anything from them again! Are you an idiot!? Do you want to fucking die!?"

Aoba shrank back in his seat, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "No." he whimpered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It was dumb, but you don't understand. I was so upset I wanted to die. What else was I supposed to do? I needed to escape, I needed to forget!" his voice came out a strangled sob, and tears finally began streaming down his face. He stared at them, as they gathered on his chin, dripping onto the surface of the table and creating fat wet blotches on the wood. "You didn't believe me. I thought I'd lost you as well, and I had nothing left. If I didn't do something, I would have killed myself."

"That is not the answer, Aoba." Koujaku said sternly, trying to remain calm. "I know I was harsh on you. I was upset, I was shocked, I was angry. Neither of us are blameless for this mess, we've both screwed up. But I told you I couldn't handle anymore of this, I warned you to stop."

"I know. I'm really sorry." Aoba said desperately. "I love you."

"Did you sleep with him, then?" Koujaku asked coldly, brushing him off.

Aoba felt all the colour drain from his face. "I know how it sounds. But I wasn't- I mean I was drunk at the time-"

"And on drugs!" Koujaku spat with disgust.

His voice was still choked up, and he still sobbed, seeing Koujaku glare at him through the blur of his tears. It felt like he was staring down the barrel of a loaded gun rather than another person's eyes. "It didn't mean anything. I swear."

"So you did sleep with him?"

"I'm sorry." It was all Aoba could say. He felt so ashamed, so sick with self loathing, that he wanted to just disappear. The world would be better off if he was gone.

"That's all I needed to know." Koujaku said, his voice dreadfully quiet and calm. Aoba felt for a moment that he was trapped underwater, drowning, and he buried his face into his hands, unable to stop himself from crying. But then Koujaku grabbed him. He gasped as he was lifted onto the table. He hadn't even seen or heard him move, so it was a shock to be suddenly grabbed like this, out of nowhere. Koujaku pushed his back against the hard surface and held his shoulders down with a strong grip, ravishing every inch of his exposed skin with rough kisses. His lips, his face, his neck, his collarbones. "Wait!" Aoba cried. A pang of fear jolted him back to his senses, and suddenly he was filled with terror. Every fiber of his being wanted to run away, something in his mind was screaming that it wasn't right, that something was wrong and he should be afraid. "K-koujaku!" he called out his ex boyfriend's name in desperation, trying to push him off. Koujaku glared at him. Aoba kicked against him in a panic. His feet connected with Koujaku's legs multiple times, but it had no effect at all. He stood over Aoba, his eyes dark with possessive desire, and leaned forward, hovering over him. Aoba's heart raced with horror, and his blood ran through him coldly. With one hand Koujaku pinned his arms above his head, and with the other he felt around under Aoba's shirt, gradually rolling it up. "Koujaku!" Aoba begged. Those hands were hot against his bare skin, but it made cold tremors run through his body.

Koujaku cut his protests off with a harsh kiss. It was more like their lips crashed together in a collision, and it was with bruising force and clawing desperation. It was similar to the last time he'd lost his temper in a fit of jealous rage, but only now it seemed much, much worse. His grip around Aoba's wrists was painfully tight, and his groping hands worked over Aoba's skin negligently, with no regards to the fact Aoba didn't want to be touched. He desperately tried to twist away from Koujaku's hold, squirming against him on the table, but it was useless. Koujaku was stronger, and he ignored all of Aoba's frantic opposition. It was like he wanted to leave a mark on Aoba, to claim his body and his soul, so that no one else could touch him. Like a wild animal marking its territory. There was no love and care in his touches or kisses, not like earlier when they'd held each other in the rain, and right now Aoba felt he was being treated like an object, a rag doll to be used and cast aside. This wasn't out of love. This was Koujaku's hatred, his jealousy, his rage. "Please stop." Aoba pleaded, his voice small and shaking. "I'm sorry."

Koujaku suddenly froze and stared down at him, his face twisted in a bitter scowl. Aoba trembled beneath him, his throat burning and his eyes stinging as he fought to stop the tears.

"So you were at his the past two nights, too?" Koujaku demanded, his face so close to Aoba's he could feel the heat of his breathe, like a snarling wolf leaning over him. "Did anything else happen?"

"No. I swear" Aoba whimpered. "I was in the hospital last night!" He suddenly remembered kissing Noiz in the hospital room, and his entire body went still, as though his muscles had turned to stone. His throat felt tight, and his chest ached. He couldn't mention that. He was afraid of what Koujaku would do.

Koujaku's eyes went wide, and a look of guilt crossed his face. His voice suddenly lost all its strength. "You were there...because of me?" He asked, shaking. "It was my fault..." His eyes moved to the now exposed bruise on Aoba's side, and suddenly he let go, taking a step backwards, his arms falling limp by his sides. "I'm sorry...It's my fault." He said, staring at Aoba where he still lay, stretched across the table with his knees bent over the edge. "I hurt you again." Koujaku mumbled, trembling. "I'm sorry Aoba..." He looked like he was about to cry, his face twisted into despair, his eyes shining.

A pain twisted through Aoba's chest, and he was overcome with a sudden feeling of sickness when he looked at Koujaku's face. Something cold and dark crept into his gut, and his heart felt heavy. He was afraid of Koujaku. Even though he seemed calm now, that look of burning anger in his eyes was still flashing vividly in Aoba's mind, and the rage in his voice still rung in his ears like a warning alarm. He felt like he'd been attacked, and his body had been violated with unwelcome hands, and unwanted touch, and dull shock came over him, washing away his thoughts. He couldn't understand anything anymore. No matter how angry Koujaku had gotten in the past, he would never hurt Aoba, he would never take it out on him. The man before him right now was longer the man he loved, and the sudden realization weighed him down with terror and despair.

Aoba pushed himself up, breaking free of the horrifying daze he'd been stuck in. He was still shaking with fear, and his entire body ached too. He had no idea what had just happened, but the terrifying look in Koujaku's eyes was burned into his mind, and he just wanted to get away before he was hurt again. He jumped down from the table, and made a break for the kitchen door. His legs felt like they were boneless, and he thought he was going to vomit, but he needed to get away. He was terrified. What the hell was that? What the hell was Koujaku doing to him? He bounded down the hallway, crashed himself against the front door, frantically searching for the door handle, pushing it open and letting dull light flood in. Then gratefully he was out onto the street and for once, the dull sky and spitting rain was a welcome scene.


	12. I Will Stay

When Noiz finally stumbled back into his apartment, slamming the front door shut behind him and making his way into the vast living room area, he really didn't expect to find Aoba spread out on one of the dark leather sofas, fast asleep, sprawled out with an open book spread across his chest. He was a little taken aback by the sight of the other man there, his long blue hair falling over arm rest in a scruffy mess, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. He had a serene expression on his loose and relaxed face, and his eyes were shut gently, casting a soft shadow over his fine, pale cheekbones. Noiz thought that he hadn't really seen Aoba in such a peaceful state, and he felt something ignite in his heart for a moment, like a warm burning light.

"Oi, Aoba." he finaly spoke. He watched, barely suppressing an amused chuckle as Aoba shot up, his eyes bolting open, the book he'd fallen asleep reading sliding from his chest and thudding to the floor with a papery rustle. "What, what!?" he said groggily, his gaze lazily drifting around the room before settling on Noiz. "Oh, it's just you." he said with a slight frown, his eyes still half closed.

Noiz had been kept in the hospital for another night, on account of work being done on his broken nose, which was now covered with a heavy padded plaster, and the fact he'd received a head injury from his fight with Koujaku, among other things that he didn't really care to take note of. He couldn't feel them anyway, so none of it bothered him in the slightest.

He'd given Aoba permission to stay at his, and was somewhat surprised he'd actually accepted the offer. He knew Aoba had a home, but whenever he spoke of it, his face seemed to drain of colour, and he'd suddenly become stiff and silent. Noiz thought that maybe he wasn't happy there, maybe he didn't get along with his brothers. But he also had the feeling that Aoba was afraid of something, that he was running away, although he didn't quite know where he had gotten that impression.

Early afternoon sunlight trickled through the blinds on large window on the other side of the room, bringing out a fleck of warm hazel in Aoba's eyes that he hadn't really taken note of before. "Aren't you working today?" Noiz asked.

Aoba immediately shook his head. "I called in sick." he said quietly.

"Why?"

Aoba pursed his lips tightly, reluctant to answer the question, and after a moment of silence between them, Noiz parked himself on the sofa next him. Aoba shifted into a sitting position to allow him space as he turned on the televison. Instantly the large flat screen lit up into a colorful scene, the sound of voices conversing playing through the speakers. Two figures, holding each other appeared before him, obviously from a cheesy romance film. He inwardly cringed and quickly changed it over.

"Well, whatever." Noiz muttered, idly flicking through the channels. He knew what Aoba did wasn't any of his business, but he was still curious about it nonetheless.

Now that he was home, he was acutely aware that being around Aoba put him a little on edge, in an odd way. It was like there was a slight constant buzzing in his veins, and sometimes his heart would flutter into life for no real reason. The feeling was akin to the rush he felt when fighting, only a lot more subtle and subdued. He figured it was a psychical reaction to his feelings for Aoba, which he still didn't fully comprehend. His mind seemed to be scattered into pieces, and right now his heart was a mangled mess of confusing emotions. The only thing he knew was that he liked having Aoba around, and didn't want him to leave. And that he'd never felt that way about anyone before.

"About what you said yesterday at the hospital..." Aoba suddenly began speaking, sounding a little uneasy. Noiz's ears perked up, and he turned his gaze away from the TV screen, which had been playing some cheap horror anime he was barely paying attention to. Aoba seemed to have shuffled further away on the seats, creating a sizable gap between them.

"What about it?" he asked, his voice remaining steady despite his heart rate accelerating.

"Don't say something like that again." Aoba mumbled, shrinking back into his seat.

Noiz felt a pain clamp around his chest for a moment, and he couldn't help but stare at Aoba. "What. Why?"

"I'm just not comfortable with something like that." he replied anxiously.

It was hard to admit to himself, but that rejection stung a little. If his feelings made Aoba uncomfortable, then he must hold a strong dislike toward him. Noiz sighed, his face feeling a little hot. "But you're comfortable with kissing me?" he jabbed back, watching Aoba carefully for a reaction. Slowly a crimson colour spread across the blue haired man's face. "That's..." he said sharply, before cutting himself off. It seemed he was a little speechless, and Noiz couldn't help but smile, both at his small victory, and at how cute Aoba was when he got flustered.

"I can't help how I feel." Noiz said in a slightly more serious tone. "It's a nuisance for me too."

Aoba looked up at him with wide eyes. "It really wasn't a joke then?" he asked. There was something fragile about him, in way he spoke with a vulnerability in his eyes, like he was just waiting to be hurt. It worried Noiz for some reason, and he met Aoba's eyes with his own firm, reassuring look. "No." he said sincerely. "I didn't mean to admit it, but that doesn't make it any less true."

Aoba opened his mouth to speak, but Noiz, unable to help himself, cut him off by leaning forward and planting a light kiss on his mouth. Aoba's lips were warm and soft against his, and it made his heart leap for a moment when they brushed.

Aoba pulled away after a few seconds, his face twisted into a scowl. "You brat!" he said, his voice rising with annoyance. "Do you just do whatever you want!?"

"Pretty much." Noiz shrugged.

"Well don't." he replied with an agitated sigh.

"Took you a moment to pull away, though." Noiz commented, aware that it was only going to rile Aoba up more. He just couldn't resist, the blue haired moron was cute when he got mad too.

"I was shocked." he said, his voice filled with irritation. "You've got an awfully big bandage on your face. Was your nose broken after all?" Aoba asked, trying to change the subject.

"I think so. I didn't really listen to what the Doctor had to say."

"Huh?" Aoba stared at him, his jaw agape, but before he had time to give Noiz another lecture, he leaned forward and kissed him again, this time with a stronger resolve, gently cupping his face with one hand. Aoba's eyes went wide for a moment, and he saw a flicker of confusion in them, but he didn't struggle against Noiz, and after it was clear he wasn't going to pull away, Noiz leaned into him more, slowly pushing him back into the sofa, his head leaning into the arm rest. He was honestly surprised Aoba hadn't tried to push him off, but he still didn't want to push his luck too much, and he just kissed Aoba at a slow at gentle pace, gradually using his tongue, his hands carefully slipping under his shirt. Aoba tensed under the touch, letting out a small gasp against their merging mouths.

Aoba hadn't a clue really why he was letting Noiz kiss him. The blonde had crawled on top of him, pressing his back against the sofa, and was now carefully stroking his sides with calloused hands. Despite the subtle burn of pleasure he felt, for a moment a jolt of fear lanced through him, his mind going back to when Koujaku had pinned him to the table the day before. With a suppressed shiver, he found himself saying Noiz's name in alarm.

"What is it?" Noiz whispered passionately against his cheek moving his lips down to Aoba's neck. Aoba sighed at that hot, gentle touch, his fear fading a little.

Noiz was being really considerate with him and for some reason it seemed to ease Aoba's nerves. It was a out of character for him. Noiz who'd refused to let go of him in the alley, who had forced himself on him in the junk shop, who had took advantage of him when he'd been heartbroken and intoxicated. This was a different side to Noiz, proof that deep down he could be caring and compassionate despite his cold demeanor and forthright behaviour. And there was no more doubt he was being used, no lingering worry that Noiz's feelings were a lie. He could tell by the way his eyes lit up with passion, and the sincerity in his voice when he had spoke, that he was being completely honest about how he felt.

Aoba hadn't really expected something like this to happen and he'd let himself be swept away in the moment. Again. But still, that unshakable fear remained inside him, that persistent panic at being touched after having hands on his body that were unwanted. His chest suddenly felt tight with anxiety, and his body tensed up. He was confused. He didn't know what he wanted to do, and he didn't know if what he was doing was right, and his mind wouldn't stop wondering back to his memories of Koujaku, both the good and the bad, imaging those hands pinning him down like a butterfly on a board, unable to get move his body, unable to escape.

Noiz lifted his head, peering into Aoba's eyes, who'd gone very tense and still like a mannequin. "What's wrong?"

"..."

"You seem a bit distressed." he said, aware that the air around Aoba suddenly seemed heavy and anxious.

"It's nothing." Aoba said quietly, but Noiz could tell he was lying. There was something troubling him, something he was trying to hide.

Noiz sighed. "I'm trying hard to be romantic. If it's not working, just say."

"It's not that."

"Then what?" Noiz asked, his eyes narrowing on Aoba's face.

"It doesn't matter."

"You don't want to do this?" he asked.

Aoba shook his head. "I don't know."

"I know I didn't treat you nice before, but I want to do things properly now."

"W-What!?" Aoba sputtered.

Noiz sighed. He was silent for a moment, mulling over his words with a slight frown on his face. "It's like...I want you to like me too." he said, his cheeks going a little red. It was the first time Aoba had ever seen him blush, and for a second he felt a flicker of affection, a small urge to pull him back into a kiss. Noiz really was cute sometimes, and for a moment it warmed Aoba's heart, thawing away the cold fear.

But he didn't feel that way about him, right? Despite everything, the one he loved was Koujaku. He couldn't erase those feelings, it wasn't just something he could switch off over night. It would take time to let him go, to accept the fact he could no longer be with the man he loved. That Koujaku no longer _was_ the man he loved, he was someone who had hurt Aoba psychically and emotionally, and the thought of that scared him more than anything.

Noiz kissed his neck again as though to soothe him, and Aoba shuddered slightly at the warm touch, taking a deep breathe.

"H-How is this proper anyway, you perverted brat?" he asked, feeling a little flustered.

Noiz's eyes wavered. "It's not?" He asked, unsure of himself, which was a rare state for Noiz to be in.

"You've never had a boyfriend? A girlfriend?"

Noiz shook his head. "No..."

"It's not all about kissing and...sex and stuff." he said, heat rushing to his face.

"Oh. You mean there's other stuff too?"

Aoba sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. He had given it some thought before, but now he was sure he had an idea what was wrong with Noiz, what it was that seemed so off about him. It wasn't that he cold and unfeeling, or a bad person at heart, it was just that he was so unaware of how to interact with other people, to understand how they felt and how his actions could effect that. He was alone in the world, like he'd been detached from society for so long that he'd forgotten what it was like to socialise. Aoba was sure that was it. He had a large apartment, but Aoba knew he lived alone, and he was the leader of a Rhyme Team, so he probably had followers, maybe friends, but no one he was really close to, no one he'd ever bonded with. Aoba's heart suddenly ached, and he felt sorry for Noiz. Some people liked to be alone, but no one could bear being isolated for a lifetime.

"What's wrong?" Noiz asked, interrupting his thoughts. Aoba stared up at him, feeling a small wave of affection for the man before him.

"I was just wondering. You're alone, right?"

A complicated expression crossed Noiz's features, and his eyes flickered with unease. "Not since I met you." he said after a moment of hesitation.

Aoba felt for a second that he was floating when he looked into Noiz's pale green eyes. _Not since I met you._ When Noiz said that, for some reason his heart did a little vault in his chest, and his stomach fluttered as though filled with thousands of butterflies, flying around frantically. Why did it make him so happy? Why did he feel like he was on top of the world right now? Was he just looking for a way to heal his broken heart, someone he could be with so he didn't have to think about Koujaku?

"Why would you ask that?" Noiz said, breaking him away from his train of thought.

Aoba looked up at Noiz, meeting his intense gaze. "I was just wondering. That's all." he said, suddenly feeling shy.

Noiz sat up, separating himself from Aoba, his expression unreadable. For a moment Aoba thought that maybe he'd said something wrong, touched on a sensitive nerve that he shouldn't have, and his heart sank. Then Noiz began talking. "I can't feel anything." Noiz said, his voice troubled and low. "I can't feel pain at all, so I don't understand anyone. It's easier on my own. Doesn't that make me a freak?"

As Noiz spoke, Aoba followed his lead and pushed himself up into a sitting position. Then for a moment he stared in stunned silence. He'd never seen Noiz so emotional, and it was a strange sight to take in. The cogs began to turn inside his head, the thoughts set in motion, all the pieces of the puzzle falling into place. The more he thought about it, the more sense it made. Noiz had barely reacted or flinched while he was fighting Koujaku, and never once pulled a pained expression. And even with a broken nose, he didn't seem concerned about it in the slightest. And if he never understood pain, how could he understand the pain of others, sympathise with them? No wonder he seemed so disconnected. It all made sense now, and for some reason that made Aoba feel a little satisfied, because he was one step closer to understanding Noiz. Although he didn't know why he wanted to in the first place.

Aoba shook his head. For once the age gap between them was obvious. He felt more like he was consoling an upset child rather than a grown man, just a few years younger than himself. "Well true it's a little odd." Aoba said with a nervous smile. He wasn't really sure what to say. He'd never come across someone with Noiz's condition before.

"Odd?" Noiz asked, his voice wavering with uncertainty.

"Well yeah, it's pretty rare to meet someone who can't feel pain. But it doesn't make you a freak, Noiz. It's not your fault, that's just the way you are, and you don't need to understand pain to understand other people. You just need to connect with them in another way. Don't think so badly of yourself."

"You really are amazing, Aoba." Noiz mumbled softly.

"What?"

Before Aoba could register what was happening, Noiz kissed him again. A dull heat flitted through Aoba's nerves, and he instantly found himself reciprocating the kiss. He didn't know why, but his heart began racing so fast, and excitement rushed through his veins. This was different than any of the other times he'd kissed Noiz. Even minutes ago. Maybe because now he felt like he understood the other more, like he'd reached inside him and unlocked a piece of his heart, that he'd always kept hidden from the rest of the world. He doubted Noiz had ever really opened up to someone else like that before, showed such emotion and vulnerability, and for some reason it made Aoba feel special, filled him with pride.

Noiz's hands slid around Aoba's back, pulling him closer, and Aoba found himself holding Noiz too, looping his arms around his neck. They gradually inched toward each other, until their bodies were pressed together, Noiz's body heat seeping through his clothes and warming Aoba, their heart beats dancing together in a frenzied waltz. "Let's do something." Noiz said breathlessly into Aoba's shoulder.

"Eh!?" Aoba gasped.

Noiz embraced him tightly, and softly pecked his lips. "Like what couples do." he said bashfully.

"We are not a couple." Aoba reminded him sternly.

"I know. You don't feel that way. You're just looking for a distraction because you got dumped." Noiz stated bluntly, his eyes hardening like steel for a moment.

A sudden surge of anger boiled in Aoba's blood, and he felt the urge to smack Noiz for making such an insensitive comment, especially since he was the main reason that Aoba and Koujaku broke up. He broke free of Noiz's hold, and glared at him from across the sofa. "Shut up!" he spat. "Whose fault do you think that is?"

Noiz rolled his eyes. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend."

"Would you have kissed me if you did know?" Aoba demanded through gritted teeth.

"Of course." he said, with a smug grin. "I just do what I want."

Aoba stared at him, speechless. As soon as he felt that they were getting closer, that he could actually grow to like him, he came out with something cold and cruel, and went back to acting like he couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone or anything but himself. It really killed the moment, making all of the warmth fade away as though a blizzard had blown by.

Aoba looked up at Noiz, his eyes dark with anger and hurt. Noiz understood that his words had upset Aoba, but he didn't understand why. What was wrong with speaking the truth? Aoba didn't like him at all, yet he still let himself be touched and kissed by Noiz, so it made sense that he was just using him as a diversion. Because he loved someone else, because his heart was broken and he wanted to forget about it. Noiz felt like a thin chord had been wrapped tightly around his own heart, squeezing the life from it. It was painful and choking, and he felt like he was going to drown. He thought he could bare it, the constant dark cloud hanging in the back of his head, the dull pressure that clamped around his chest, reminding him that he was being used, that Aoba would never feel the same way about him. But right now, staring into those light brown eyes that flashed with anger, he knew it was too painful a burden to bare, that he might collapse under the weight. But if he had to chose between this pain and the pain of being alone...

Aoba was so lost in thought, contemplating what Noiz had said, that he didn't realise how silent and tense the air around them was. He felt shame prickle at his cheeks, like the sting of needles when he realised the truth behind his words. He was just using him, wasn't he? Koujaku had broke his heart, destroyed it into worn down little pieces, and then abused him like he was no more than an object. That pain, that betrayal was still fresh and vivid, like a deep wound on his chest that refused to stop bleeding, and if he thought about it, he felt like his body was being crushed and he could no longer breathe. But then someone else had come along. Someone who admired him, who offered to take care of him and give him a means of distraction, and he let himself get swept away in moments of heated passion, so that his memories of Koujaku would gradually be washed from his mind, like trash tossed into a flowing river. That's what he was trying to do, wasn't it? Aoba closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, calming his nerves which still trembled with anger and shame.

"You're right." he said. "I needed someone to cling to, because I'd lost Koujaku."

"I don't mind, really." Noiz said with forced remoteness. "I was just using you at first anyway."

"It would be easier if that was still the case." Aoba said bluntly.

"Why?"

"If you were just using me, I wouldn't feel so guilty about using you."

Noiz sighed. "I don't care, idiot." his steady voice wavered slightly, making it obvious he did care. Was he lying for Aoba's sake, or his own?

"I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already am, Noiz." Aoba said, his stomach twisting with guilt. Even though Noiz had feelings like that for him, he'd just been using him to take his mind off of Koujaku. "Maybe it's best if I leave." he made a move to stand up, but Noiz grabbed him by the arm.

"No." he said quietly. "I don't want to be alone again." there was a desperate sorrow in his voice that Aoba had never heard before, and he felt it cut through his heart like the slash of a blade. "Noiz..." he said, unable to think of anything else.

"I'd hate it if you were gone." he murmured, his voice hollow. Aoba settled back onto the sofa, a pressure burning behind his eyes, inside his stomach. No matter what he did it would hurt Noiz. He shouldn't care so much, but he did. Because Noiz had shown himself a side of Aoba he'd always hid behind closed doors, had revealed a part of himself more human than he could ever have imagined from the man who just did what he wanted and acted like nothing was important.

Nothing really felt real anymore. It was like he'd fallen asleep and woken up in another world, where everything was wrong, distorted and broken, like he was seeing it through shattered glass, wading through thick swampy waters. He was practically living with a stranger who harbored romantic feelings for him, Koujaku had broken up with him and was now acting like a terrifying madman, he'd become alienated from his brothers, with whom he used to be so close,, he'd spent over a month of his life getting intoxicated, playing Rhyme and doing drugs, instead of facing the reality that his grandmother was gone. The last one always made his breathe catch, always made his heart ache, his stomach sink with a heavy weight, his nerves become painful and tight. It was the worst. The more he thought about it, the less real it felt, like he himself was on a slow gradual descent into madness.

"Aoba." Noiz said, breaking the silence. "Will you stay with me?" he felt hopeless, like his heart was being crushed inside his chest. He had been a fool, to let someone sneak their way under his skin when he knew it was better for him to remain alone, to not get close to anyone. Why had Aoba been the exception to that rule? He would never know, and it was too late to feel regret over something he could no longer control. To never trust in, to never rely on, to never get close with someone else. He lived by those rules like they were the law, and everything had been so much easier, so much more simpler before he'd broken them. He could push Aoba away, tell him to leave, that he never wanted to see him again. But then he would be alone again, and now that he'd experienced being with someone else for the first time in years, facing solitude again was like staring into the endless tunnel of a dark abyss, waiting for it to swallow him up.

"I'll stay." Aoba said softly, his words stirring the empty air around them. What difference did it make now? He had nothing to gain and nothing to lose. If Noiz wanted him, then why not? He had no one else to be with, and nowhere else to go.

Noiz's heart did a little leap, and he couldn't help but lean forward and pull Aoba into am embrace, his arms sliding around his slender body. The other man let out a small gasp, and then he too was holding Noiz, with an awkward hesitation at first, his hands not quite settling on his body. Noiz couldn't really feel much on his skin, but he imagined this was what warmth felt like. To have himself pressed against Aoba, their arms holding their bodies together tightly, so close they could melt into each other. His heart was hammering against his chest, and his face felt flushed. Beneath the warm haze of joy, there was subtle urgency building up inside him, a slight pressure in his stomach.

He lowered his hands to Aoba's small waist, and kissed him again, first lightly on the lips, his hands sliding up his shirt once more, and then he deepened the kiss, running his tongue along Aoba's lips and then slipping it into his mouth. Aoba made a small sound, a gasp of excitement perhaps, and then were lightly licking at each other's tongues, playfully entwining them. He didn't know why exactly, but he needed to be closer, he wanted desperately to connect with him. It felt natural to him, like instinct, this sudden desire to hold and touch Aoba. He knew that Aoba was using him to feel better, to forget that he'd lost the man he loved, but he no longer cared. Even if it crushed him, he could live like this after all. Because Aoba said he would stay. Wasn't that all he needed?

His heart racing with nerves, Noiz lowered his mouth, kissing every inch of Aoba he could reach, sucking lightly on his adams apple, pressing his lips to the hollow of his neck, the curve of his collarbone, pushing him back down into the soft seat again where he lay with his head against a cushion, his hair spread over it like streaks of vivid blue paint.

Small suppressed moans escaped from Aoba's mouth, but he tried hard to hold down his voice, even when Noiz lowered his head even further, slowly rolling up Aoba's shirt with careful hand movements, before lightly teasing his nipples with flicks of his tongue. He glanced up at Aoba, whose face was bright red, his eyes closed tight, his mouth slightly open. "N-noiz." his voice came out choked with pleasure, and he pressed his hands tightly over his lips. He continued with his teasing, gently sucking and kissing the hard protrusions while he pinched and rolled the other between his fingers, before swapping. He could feel Aoba's heart beat under his hands, like a drum inside him, and it was racing much the same as his own.

When Noiz abruptly pulled his mouth away from Aoba's chest, his nipples instantly felt cold after being submerged in the warmth of his teasing lips and playful fingers. A slight pleasure had already built between his legs, and his stomach felt heavy and hot, his face burning and sweaty. "Sit up." Noiz spoke, his voice soft but at the same time commanding.

"What?" Aoba gasped in confusion as Noiz slid off of him, and then settled on the floor by the sofa.

"Just sit." he said, his eyes gleaming green like a cat's catching light in the dark. After a moment of hesitation, Aoba dragged himself up into a sitting position, blood rushing to his face. Noiz's eyes were regarding him keenly, and there was a slight smile with a razor's edge on his pierced lips that filled Aoba with a nervous apprehension, making his skin tingle. Noiz kneeled before him on the floor, his hands sliding up Aoba's legs, slowly inching over his thighs and pushing them apart, before undoing his fly with clumsy fingers. Aoba was already a little hard, and as soon as Noiz's hand brushed his dick, a bolt of electricity ran through him and he jolted slightly, a gasp escaping his lips. "Noiz!"

"Shut up." the blonde replied lightly with a mock glare, pulling out Aoba's shaft and slowly running his hand along the length. Then he leaned his head forward and gave it a tentative lick, flicking his tongue across the tip. Aoba's entire body shuddered, and he had to choke back a moan as fiery heat of pleasure rushed through him in a sudden wave. Then Noiz began dragging his tongue over Aoba's penis, at first just lightly around the tip, before licking up and down the shaft. Even though each movement was sloppy and careless, the warm wet touch against his over sensitive skin sent a new dart of pleasure shooting through his taught nerves, building up between his legs. He couldn't believe what Noiz was doing, and out of shock he tried to close his legs and pull away, but Noiz's mouth had already clamped around him, slowly taking his whole length in and caressing it with his lips, and he held Aoba steady with his hands. "N-noiz!" he said, his tone pleading. He was stunned and bewildered, and embarrassment heated his cheeks.

Noiz didn't look up when Aoba called his name, and instead focused intently what he was doing, driven only by one single aim. To pleasure Aoba. He'd never done this before, but he'd read about it, and once when he was drunk some guy had sucked his dick, but he couldn't really remember much about that to imitate him with. Aoba's legs trembled, and his dick grew hard in Noiz's mouth, and while he bobbed his head and clumsily tried to swirl his tongue around Aoba, he used his hands to tug down the other man's jeans and underwear, which were getting in the way. A slight bitter tang filled his mouth, and he realised it was Aoba dripping with precum. Joy and relief washed over him, because now he knew for sure it was working. Above him Aoba was letting out soft moans and tugging lightly at his hair, as if in some aimless, futile attempt to pull him away, as thought he'd already accepted what was happening, but his pride wouldn't allow him to lose himself in the pleasure. "Noiz..." he groaned softly. That voice was like sweet music to his ears, prompting him to greedily consume more of the hard member, to take in the full length to the back of his throat.

He loved the way Aoba said his name. The Japanese language was very different from his own, but he'd never found anything beautiful or captivating about it until he'd heard Aoba say his name for the first time. He wanted to draw out more of that voice, hear it again. He wanted to hear Aoba speak his name in anger, in despair, in happiness, in affection and in pleasure. His heart did a flip in his chest when Aoba cried out. "N-noiz, stop!" He caught a bunch of Noiz's hair in his hands, and clenched his fingers around it, pulling hard. Noiz, finally gave in and removed his mouth from Aoba with a sigh of defeat. "What?" he asked feeling a little insulted. He'd worked so hard to give Aoba this gift, and he felt like it was being rejected.

"Why...why did you do that?" Aoba asked. His cheeks were coloured the most adorable red, and his breathing was laboured, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His gaze was conflicted, and as soon as he met Noiz's eyes he abruptly looked away, shifting nervously where he sat.

"I just wanted to." Noiz stated.

"But..."

"Don't pretend you didn't enjoy it." Noiz said, gripping Aoba's shaft in his hand and giving it a light squeeze. "You're dripping. And you kept moaning."

Aoba's face twisted in flustered anger, and he had to stop himself from smacking Noiz across the face. Still, he couldn't deny how amazing it had felt. No one had ever done that to him before, and the feeling of his dick enveloped in the warm, moistness of Noiz's mouth had made him feel like his entire lower body was going to melt away. Still, was it right to let Noiz do something like that to him? Knowing that he was just using the pleasure to escape the pain, knowing that Noiz really did have feelings for him? Would he even be able to stop him from continuing anyway?

As if he could read Aoba's mind, Noiz wrapped his lips around Aoba's tip again, pressing his tongue against it in a flicking motion and licking up all the soaking precum. Aoba let out a sharp moan at the sudden sensation, all his thoughts scattering away like leaves caught in the wind. Then he cringed at the sound of his own voice echoing in his ears, and clamped a hand over his mouth. The other still remained on Noiz's head, and at first he was pulling his hair, but eventually he began running his fingers through the short blonde tufts, finding the feeling of it against his palm somewhat stimulating. His back had been stiff at first, and he had sat up straight, his legs trembling, but now he found he was gradually leaning back into the couch, indulging in the sensation of Noiz's mouth wrapped around him, his body relaxing into the welcoming heat. The pleasure gradually built up again, starting as a sweet numbness that spread through his body, before coming in intense waves that made his nerves feel like they were burning, slowly getting stronger and stronger until his body was melting and his mind was on fire.

He could hear embarrassing wet sounds coming from Noiz's mouth, and it made him feel really filthy, but at the same time added to the excitement that poured into his veins in a heated blaze, and burned between his legs. His entire body shuddered, the pleasure building up, igniting a pressure inside him. Noiz's mouth, lips and tongue working around his length felt amazing, despite the hasty careless way in which he used them, clearly unpracticed in the area of giving head. But every touch on his sensitive skin still drove him mad, pushing him closer to tipping over the edge. The waves got stronger, crashed against his nerves like lightening, and he was unable to contain his voice anymore, his loud moans echoing through the room. He detested the shameful sounds he made when his mind and body were being drowned in bliss, but he loved every moment of it all the same. "Ahhh...N-noiz" he heard his voice come out, and then an intense pleasure rushed through him, making his back arch and his spine shiver and his dick throb and swell, and he heard himself cry out, his body convulsing from the bone shuddering climax, and he'd released into Noiz's mouth before he could stop himself.

He quickly removed his hands from Noiz's head, expecting the other man to pull away in disgust, but instead he just kept his lips wrapped around the tip, lapping up and swallowing every drop like it was something delicious. "W-wait!" Aoba protested, trying to push Noiz's head away, but his body was drained and weak, and he couldn't really muster the strength into his arms. "Idiot!" he spat, his face burning with embarrassment. "Stop now."

Noiz looked up at him with an emerald glint in his green eyes. He ran his tongue up and down Aoba's length, precisely making sure not to miss one bead of flowing cum, and when he was done he chuckled softly and stood up. Aoba's stomach clenched with nerves when the blonde leaned over him, pressing his lips into Aoba's neck. "It was my gift for you." Noiz whispered softly.

"W-what!?" he stammered, unable to comprehend what Noiz was saying.

"Because you said you would stay." Noiz replied, his eyes softening with affection as he looked up at Aoba with tenderness.


	13. The Heart is Strange

It had been a long, boring day. As soon as Aoba had left for work after breakfast, Noiz instantly felt bleak and lonely. Without Aoba around, it was like all the life drained from him and and the world became tiresome and dull, the air around him heavy and deprived of all vibrancy and colour. He eventually put himself back to bed, only to find that he was becoming increasingly restless and agitated. The pillow was too hard against his head no matter how he leaned on it, and the hot covers seemed to wrap around him with suffocating tightness, like he was bound tightly to the bed. He felt frustrated and trapped, like he was caged inside his troubled feelings, and in a state like that sleep continued to elude him until he eventually gave up.

It was around four he heard his coil beep, the sharp sound pulling him out of his dozing state on the sofa where he sat, trying but failing to watch something on the television. His eyes widened at Aoba's name on the screen, and he read the message instantly, feeling a cold knot tie itself inside his stomach at the words he saw before him.

'I think someone is following me. Can you come and get me from work? I don't really have anyone else to ask right now. Sorry.'

He bolted out of the apartment with more speed than a profesional athlete.

It didn't take him long to get to the junk shop, walking at a quick pace, the whole time his mind racing with anxious thoughts, a faint worry bunched up in his chest. If Aoba was being followed by someone, there was a possiblity it was that insane ex boyfriend of his. From the moment he laid eyes on him in the alley that night, Noiz was sure the guy had a screw loose in his head, and then when they fought in the coffee shop he seemed more like a wild animal rather than a human being, his eyes dark and swirling with rage. But he had his own enemies too, and although he didn't like to entertain the thought, it wasn't unimaginable that they'd seen him and Aoba together, so they could be targeting him as a means to get to him. Still, he hoped the idiot was just being paranoid about the whole thing and it was actually nothing in the first place. He'd noticed Aoba's tendency to worry and over think everything, so it was a possibility he was doing just that.

Aoba stood behind the counter in the shop, fretting and fidgeting, his stomach twisting with uneasiness. At first he thought he'd imagined the shadow behind him earlier. It was when he'd been doing a delivery, he'd saw it from the corner of his eye, a dark blur of motion on the other side of the empty street. For a tiny second it had made his nerves jump, but when he looked, the path behind him was clear, not a soul to be seen. He'd shrugged it off, until twenty minutes later. He'd heard something shuffling, felt a presence stir the air, turned just to catch a glimpse of a person wearing dark, baggy clothing before they were gone, darting out of sight behind the building at the end of the narrow alley he'd taken as a short cut. He'd finished his delivery in haste and rushed back to the shop, messaging Noiz on the way. He wasn't sure if he should, and he'd hesitated to send it, but right now there was no one else he could really ask for a favor, and he was too afraid to walk back on his own, worried he was still being followed. Noiz still hadn't replied though, which made him nervous, and he stared at the screen, his gaze not really focusing.

When he heard the shop door open, he was unable to suppress a jolt of fright, but he calmed down when he glanced up and saw Noiz, standing there, his eyes narrowing as he regarded Aoba. The air around them felt strained and heavy for a moment, and Aoba didn't quite know what to say. He hadn't been expecting Noiz to show up so quickly. "What? he asked, feeling cornered by that sharp gaze.

Noiz looked away abruptly. "I was worried." he admitted. "Let's go."

Aoba had informed Haga he was ready to leave, and then took off with Noiz, who seemed to be sticking really close to him in a protective manner, as though to shield him from any potential attackers. From where he stood in front of him, he seemed really stiff and tense, his back rigid and his shoulders set. "Noiz, I just wanted you to walk with me. You don't need to act like a bodyguard."

He seemed to relax a little as he turned to Aoba. His pale green eyes looked somehow warmer in the weak sunlight, but his expression was dark and serious. "I've been thinking." he began to speak. "If there really was someone, maybe it's my fault."

"What?"

"I've got enemies you know. They might have seen us together."

Aoba sighed. "That's ridiculous. It was probably Koujaku. Or someone trying to rob me." He'd been thinking about it the whole time, ideas playing over inside his head as he tried to remember every detail of the person he saw from one fleeting glimpse. He didn't really get a good look at their face or any other distinctive features such as eye and hair colour, but they were large and broad, taller than him, and he was sure they had a masculine build, although it was hard to tell beneath their baggy clothes. When he narrowed it down, those were the two most logical possibilities. Koujaku probably wouldn't be able to gather the courage to directly approach him after what he'd done, but maybe he was just trying to talk to Aoba. And if it was a mugger, they were probably waiting for an opportunity to attack him that never came, or backed off because they'd been spotted.

Noiz's coil rang, and Aoba glanced at him as he answered.

"Today?" he heard Noiz ask, sounding a little miffed.

There was a long pause. Aoba assumed the person on the other end was speaking, but he couldn't hear them since Noiz had plugged his earphones in.

Noiz let out an exhausted sigh. "Do I have a choice?"

Another pause. "Why?" Noiz suddenly demanded.

"Whatever." he spat after a moment. "I'll be there." then he hung up, a scowl twisting his face.

Only hearing one side of the conversation made it seem really odd, like he was only seeing part of the picture, and sparked a slight curiosity within him. It also meant Aoba could only guess what was going on, but he assumed it wasn't good since Noiz seemed so displeased.

"Damn idiots." he muttered coldly, rubbing his forehead with his fingers wearily.

"Everything okay?" Aoba asked without really thinking.

"Yeh. I have to go somewhere soon." he replied, his gaze set straight ahead, his face impassive. "Will you come with me?"

Aoba looked up at him with a frown. "Why?" he asked.

"I don't think you're safe alone." Noiz muttered, gently brushing his hand against Aoba's as they walked. The warm gesture set his heart aflutter, and he quickly pulled his hand away, mild heat pouring into his cheeks.

It turned out one of Noiz's team mates had got into a fight with a member of an opposing Rhyme team, and it had escalated into an all out war, so naturally, as their leader Noiz had been called upon to do something. He was currently battling the enemy team's leader in Rhyme to resolve the issue. Aoba didn't really have much interest in Rhyme, so he wasn't paying attention to the flashing lights and huge screens which gave spectators a glimpse of the battle. He'd played it a lot when he was younger, and had been somewhat famous for a while, but to him it had always been a distraction, a means of escaping the reality he couldn't cope with and living inside his own head. But eventually he'd out grown his childish habits and the idea of Rhyme. After his gran died, he'd played again as a coping method, to make him feel strong and help him forget, but he'd decided to quit a week or so ago when he realised, just like the drinking and the drugs, it wasn't going to help him at all. Besides, Rhyme had become brutally competitive these days, and most players were violent and aggressive and matches sometimes ended with street fights or full out gang wars between Rhyme teams, and he couldn't be bothered with any of that hassle.

The area in which the battle was taking place was on the outskirts of the Northern District, in the empty car park of an abandoned blocks of flats. The buildings were hollow and empty like ghostly shells, all smashed up and boarded windows, grey crumbling walls that matched the cloudy evening sky, vandalized with spray paint that resembled dark stains of blood. The Northern District always made Aoba feel unsettled, and he wouldn't be surprised if it actually was blood. The air about it seemed darker and heavier, thick and grimy like mud, pressing upon him like a weight against his skin. It was unclean and unsafe and when Platinum Jail was first being built, a lot of the once lively district had been destroyed, and the rest abandoned. Quickly criminals had settled into the empty homes and ruined buildings and made the whole district their area of illegal operations, and even after the destruction of Platinum Jail, it still remained that way. A town for criminals.

There was also rumours of Scratch, a large Rib team that was supposedly made up solely of criminals and ex-cons, who'd taken over the Northern District in the past few years. It was said their leader was a seven foot tall man who'd been convicted of mass murder and escaped prison, but Aoba had a feeling that was probably a bit of an exaggeration, like an urban legend. He suspected the truth was somewhat more down to Earth, but he really didn't care enough to ponder over it.

"Are you making a comeback?" Aoba heard a voice above him, and glanced up from where he sat on the concrete steps of an abandoned building, to see a young man around his age looking down at him with dark brown eyes.

He blinked slowly, not really sure what he was talking about. "What?"

"Sly blue, right?"

Aoba frowned in recognition of his old rhyme name, and suddenly he felt tense, as though his nerves were being wound tightly. He had made a lot of enemies back in those days, when he was reckless and immature. "What about it?" he asked, eyeing the stranger warily.

"Are you making a comeback?" he repeated, seeming a little frustrated.

"No." Aoba replied quickly.

"I heard you were." he said, his dark eyes narrowing into a glower.

"Well I'm not." Aoba said firmly, meeting his threatening gaze with his own glare. This man made him feel uneasy. There was something about him, a cold and dangerous air that hung around him like razor edged knives, making Aoba's stomach coil with tension.

"Are you going to join Ruff Rabbit?" he demanded

"I'm not going to join any team." Aoba replied sternly, fighting to keep the nervousness from his voice

"Oh?" he raised an eyebrow. "Does that mean I can do what I want with you then?" he leaned down toward Aoba with a sharp grin, his face getting dangerously close, his dark eyes holding a deadly gleam like a shark's. "Since you're not in our team" he said, bunching his fist in the neck of Aoba's top. Aoba fought to keep himself from trembling, his stomach churning with fear. Those keen eyes regarded him with hunger, like a predator watching its prey, and he could almost feel them on his body, burning into his skin like fire. "Don't touch me." he said, his voice more firm and confident than he actually felt.

A hand wandered down and brushed his side, forcefully slipping under his top. He jumped when fingers touched his bare skin, every hair on his body standing on edge, prickling almost painfully. For a moment he felt he was trapped, chained down like a prisoner, and his heart began to race, cold sweat pouring from his body. It was that feeling again, of being held down against his will as undesired hands roamed his body, making his mind go blank with fear. Every cell in his body was screaming, telling him to get away, and before he knew it he'd lashed out at the guy in a desperate panic.

He heard the sharp crack of his palm against the mans cheek ringing in his hear, and then after a stunned moment he felt the sharp pain tingling in his hand, and a cold horror soaked into his blood. The guy glared down at him, rage igniting in his eyes, and Aoba knew he was in for it now. He raised his fist and drove it into Aoba's face. The pain was unbearable, like flames raging across his cheek, and for a moment his vision flashed white, his mind going blank. The man's grip around the collar of his top tightened, and he forcefully yanked Aoba closer to him. He looked away, unable to bare meeting that deadly terrifying gaze filled with malicious intent. Then suddenly the grip on him loosened, and he heard a short cry.

"If you touch him again, I'll kill you." a voice rang out so coldly it sent shards of ice down Aoba's spine, chilling his blood. He looked up to see Noiz standing there, his pale green eyes glazed over with sheets of ice, a cold deadly glare as sharp as daggers. Beneath him the guy was sprawled out on the filthy floor, and Noiz's foot was on top of his chest, pressing down into it.

Aoba would have felt relieved to be saved, but the expression of anger twisting Noiz's features and his actions were terrifying. The guy looked up, all earlier traces of his predatory glare washed from his face, which was now bent in wide eyed terror. "N-noiz." he sputtered, his voice with a pleading hint. Noiz ground his foot into the man's chest, his eyes going dark with merciless rage. "Say sorry." he spat, his voice colder than a winter's night.

"S-sorry." he choked out. With a snort of contempt, Noiz removed his foot, and instantly the man scrambled back, and then was on his feet, his legs shaking as he darted away.

"Do it again and I'll break your neck." Noiz called after him furiously. Then he wandered over and sat down next to Aoba, the tension draining from him. There were people, Noiz's team mates he assumed, looking over at them and muttering, like school kids sharing gossip. Aoba suddenly felt sick with embarrassment, his face stinging with shame. He wanted to curl up and hide from their intruding eyes, stabbing into his skin like hot needles.

"Stop fucking staring." Noiz spat as though he'd sensed Aoba's discomfort. His voice was loud and commanding, and they all obeyed without hesitation, immediately looking away. Aoba could only look at him with a mix of horror and admiration. He sometimes forgot he was their leader, because he looked so young and acted so childish and carefree most of the time, but Noiz had his own Rhyme Team, and it seemed that they listened to him, although whether it was out of fear or respect he did not know.

"Are you okay, Aoba?" He asked, his voice softening. "What did that bastard do?"

"I'm fine. It was nothing." Aoba replied, still feeling a little shaken.

"I brought you with me because I didn't think you'd be safe alone. Sorry." he reached out to touch Aoba's face, then quickly dropped his hand. "Does it hurt?" he asked.

Aoba's mind had been too numb with shock to think about the pain, but now he focused on it, he felt an ache pounding through his face, reaching up from his lower cheek to his temple. He nodded. "I'm going to have another bruise on my face." he said with a sigh of discontentment. The one from when he fell had finally faded, and now he'd gotten himself punched.

"I'll deal with that little shit if you want." Noiz said, rage flaring up in his voice once more.

"No, no. It's fine." Aoba reassured him, absent mindlessly placing a hand over his to calm him down. Noiz looked at him with a hint of surprise, and then curled his fingers around Aoba's, gripping his hand tightly. Noiz's hand was warm over his, and seemed to thaw away the cold ice in his blood that made him shiver. He'd intended to comfort Noiz, to calm him down, but instead he was the one finding comfort in the heat of their interlaced fingers and the pounding of his heart. Why did he suddenly feel so warm?

Noiz suddenly dragged him to his feet, and then they were walking hand in hand. "Aren't you going to ask who won?" he said, his tone suggesting Aoba already knew the answer to that question.

"There's no need. Apparently you've never lost before."

Noiz shot him a pleased smile, his eyes lighting up. "I'm glad you have so much faith in me."

Most of Noiz's team had dispersed after the battle, but Aoba noticed that some still lingered on the empty Rhyme Ground when he glanced back over his shoulder. A few of them had come up to speak to Noiz, some casting their gaze toward where their hands were still joined, before quickly looking away. Aoba had felt a little embarrassed at their stares, but said nothing.

"Where are we going, anyway?" he asked, noticing that they were slowly walking to a completely different part of town. He vaguely recognised the narrow streets and winding paths, beneath the dull grey light of the clouded sky. It must have been around five or six, but already the sky was beginning to darken with the onset of night. Or maybe the thick, dark clouds that blocked out most of the sunlight gave that impression. "To get dinner."

"Let me guess, pizza?" Aoba asked with a frown. It was all Noiz ever ate, and on the rare occasion it wasn't pizza, it was pasta. Aoba wondered if Noiz was Italian. He hadn't asked, but it was obvious from his pale green eyes and fair hair that he wasn't Japanese, despite the fact he spoke the language flawlessly, with barely a hint of another accent in his words. He did have high, finely formed cheekbones, but apart from that he had none of the delicate features that seemed characteristic of those of Asian descent, and instead his face was more defined, his jaw sturdy and his straight edge nose slightly longer than average. His eyebrows were very low and curved, almost invisibly pale against his skin, and now that he wasn't wearing his hat, Aoba noticed a multitude of piercings and bars cut through his ears, to match the ones on his face.

He found himself strangely enticed by Noiz. He'd obviously seen him, but never really _looked_ at him before. There was something captivating about his fair hair, that framed his face in a pale strawberry blonde, and his light green eyes, a similar colour to lime. Even his eyelashes were pale, fine little wisps around his eyes. He was handsome, not in the way Koujaku was, all long dark hair and sharp, graceful beauty, with finely shaped captivating red eyes. Noiz was a different kind of handsome, different and striking. They were so opposite in so many regards. Even in the clothes they wore. Noiz always seemed to wear T shirts and hoodies, with a preference to green, whereas Koujaku usually adorned himself in fine kimonos that were mainly red.

Why had he fallen for someone so different?

Aoba stopped his thoughts in their track, cursing the idea as soon as it crossed his mind. He hadn't fallen for Noiz. He didn't like him that way at all, they were just...

What were they again? Acquaintances? Friends? But one didn't normally passionately kiss their friends. Among other stuff.

"Aoba!" Noiz said, his voice slightly irritated, as though it wasn't the first time he had called his name. Aoba's attention snapped to the man next to him. "What?"

"You were staring at me." he said, with a certain confidence.

The blood rushed to Aoba's face, and he quickly looked away. "I was just lost in thought." he answered shyly.

"Thinking about how good looking I am?" Noiz's voice was light and teasing, but for some reason it grated on Aoba. To be read so easily by someone else, it was like he was an open book. Was he really that obvious? Noiz's face was usually impassive and he always seemed so cool, like he was good at hiding what was on his mind, and it made Aoba a little envious.

"I was just wondering if you're Italian." Aoba said quickly. It was partly true.

"Italian?" Noiz repeated, his brows shooting up. "Why?"

"You always eat pizza and pasta..." Aoba realised how stupid he sounded now he thought about it. He didn't always eat Japanese food, did he?

"I'm not." Noiz said with a hint of amusement. "But you're not too far away."

"Where, then?" Aoba asked, unable to control his curiosity.

"I'll tell you another time." The blonde said with a playful smile.

"Eh? That's not fair." Aoba protested with a pout. Noiz only responded with a small chuckle and squeezed his hand tightly.

After dinner, which was pizza, just as Aoba had guessed, Noiz announced his team were once again forcing him to go out to celebrate another victory. He hadn't really enjoyed that club they always went to the last time. It was too crowded and noisy, the sound grinding in his ears, the bright colourful lights burning against his eyes. But it had been worth it last time, since he'd met Aoba there, went home with him...

He never would have guessed that the events of that night would lead to having Aoba by his side all the time. Having Aoba around made him feel happy, it cleared away all the darkness that weighed upon his heart, and all the mud and filth in the world around him seemed to vanish just because of his presence. He had never expected him to become someone so precious in such a short time, but for some reason he was. The heart was a strange thing, something he'd tried to close off behind a concrete wall, to block away from the rest of the world, pretending it was never there at all. But now that wall had begun to break, he could feel it, and Aoba had found his way between the cracks, crawling inside the barrier, becoming a part of him. It filled him with terror, and excitement. After so long of trying not to feel, of hiding behind a mask of apathy to the extent he feared he'd actually stopped caring, finally he found someone he couldn't help but care about, even if he tried not to, in the end it was useless.

As long as Aoba was with him, everything would be okay. That's how he felt.


	14. Midnight

Aoba had just wanted to stay in and relax for the rest of the night. He was tired from work, and a little edgy over the fact that he'd been followed by an unidentified stranger whilst doing deliveries, and then almost sexually assaulted by one of Noiz's insane team mates. His face was still a little sore, and the fact it was bruised again made him feel self conscious. It had been a long and tiring conversation, but eventually he had caved, allowing Noiz to eventually convince him to join him at The Sanguine, a disreputable club that had become a hang out for Rhyme Players in recent years. Noiz was being pressed by his team to go in celebration of his earlier victory in an important Rhyme Battle, and he was reluctant to go alone, so had dragged Aoba along with him, claiming it would be more fun together and if anything happened Noiz would deal with it for him.

Now they sat together, as far away from the crowded dance floor as possible, probably close to where they were the last time. The place was busier than Aoba had ever seen it, the crowd a vast noisy ocean of drunken dancers, swaying erratically under the glowing lights, swarming around the bar much like flies swarm around a carcass. He felt sorry for Clear and the others working tonight, who had to deal with the drunken mass. Meanwhile, Noiz mulled over a bottle of beer with a slight scowl on his face. Strange shadows caused by the blazing coloured lights chased across Noiz's face in an intricate dance, exaggerating the furrow of his brow and the lines of his cheekbones with rainbow coloured dashes. It added bright streaks to his pale eyes and fair hair, which made his features fascinating to look at. "What's wrong?" Aoba asked, raising his voice above the loud beat of the awful electronic music. Even from this far away, it still grated in his ears, pounding through his head in horrible waves which scattered his thoughts.

"This beer is awful." Noiz said sourly. Aoba glanced at the two empty bottles on the table, raising his eyebrows.

"Why do you keep drinking it then?" he questioned with a small giggle. He himself was on his second bottle of cider, and as a light weight it had already started seeping its way into head, making his thoughts run fuzzy and warm.

Noiz shrugged, finishing off the bottle in one swig. "I'm going to get more drinks. What do you want?"

"Whatever!" Aoba replied.

"Another cider for the lightweight then." Noiz said, a teasing lilt in his voice. Aoba flushed slightly, cursing his low alcohol tolerance, as he watched Noiz's melt into the lively crowd, following the glowing halo of his hair until it was no longer visible among the other moving heads. He emerged a few minutes later, meandering through the moving bodies, shoving past anyone who got too close with a harsh scowl. In his hand he clutched a tall, dark bottle. "That's not Cider!" Aoba blurted as he approached, upon examining the almost black glass, a white patterned label wrapped around it, with something written in bold, flowing calligraphy in a foreign alphabet. It looked like it could probably be French, or perhaps Italian.

"It's wine." Noiz said, setting down two glasses.

"In a place like this? It's probably shit." Aoba protested with an angry grumble. "What gave you the idea to buy wine in the first place?" He asked.

Noiz looked back over his shoulder, and Aoba, following his gaze, saw a white haired bartender smiling at them from behind the bar. When his pale pink eyes met Aoba's, his smile brightened and he waved nervously. Aoba scowled at Clear, whose hand dropped back onto the counter, his smile fading, his chin dropping into his yellow scarf. What was that idiot thinking?

"He said it was romantic." Noiz stated, regarding their exchange with amusement as he sat down next to Aoba on the seats, carefully pouring him a moderate amount of wine, aware of his unimpressed gaze. The red liquid flowed out in a steady stream, as dark and thin as watered down blood, and swirled in the glass as it settled. "Just try some." he urged, carefully sliding the glass toward him. Aoba reluctantly lifted it, first peering at the wine as though it was going to jump out the glass and bite his face, before giving it a careful swirl, and then sniffing the contents. He recoiled instantly, his face twisting into disgust, and Noiz bit back a laugh. Aoba could be so adorable sometimes. It was hard to believe he was older of the two.

"It smells horrible." Aoba said with a pout. Noiz had filled his own glass now, and he took a drink from it. The wine burned down his throat, filling his stomach with fire. It was pretty strong, heavy and bitter, but not as unpleasant tasting as the beer. Maybe he should have asked for something sweet though, since he'd never really acquired a taste for wine.

Aoba took the tiniest, reluctant sip from his glass, and then pulled a face. "Couldn't you have got something a bit nicer?" he asked, setting it down onto the table.

"I just wanted to give it a try. It's not bad." Noiz shrugged.

"Not bad!?" Aoba asked in disbelief. "It tastes like vinegar and...and cum!"

Noiz raised an eyebrow. Aoba giggled like a child, clamping his hand over his mouth as though he'd just said a horrible swear word in front of his parents. He was clearly a little tipsy.

"Well then." Noiz said with a bit of surprise.

The sudden image of Aoba on his knees, bent over his dick, placing it into his mouth popped into Noiz's head, and he had to look away from the blue haired man's blushing face. Oh God, he thought. Aoba talked like he had experience with that. The image wouldn't clear from his head, it was stuck there, glued to his brain now that he'd thought of it. Aoba's lips running up and down his length, his mouth taking him in...

If he asked, would Aoba do that?

He shook his head, and then picked up his wine glass, quickly downing the remaining contents.

"What are you doing?" Aoba asked, his eyes going wide.

"Nothing." Noiz said, his voice catching slightly. He could feel his face heating up. And other places too.

Seemingly out of the blue, Aoba pressed his lips against Noiz's, a fleeting peck, tentative and sweet, and then pulled away, his face tinted slightly with a rosy blush.

"What are _you_ doing?" Noiz echoed back Aoba's question with an inquisitive raise of his eyebrow.

Aoba shrugged. "I just felt like it."

"You're beginning to sound like me." Noiz said, and then leaned in and returned the kiss. At first it was gentle, their lips just touching, their mouths slightly open. The coloured lights seemed to burn brightly as they danced across their faces, and the music and loud chatter of the people around them seemed to fade away into the background, forgotten as though they were lost in their own little bubble in which only the two of them existed. Blood rushed into Noiz's ears, and his heart thundered in his chest.

Their kisses got more intense and feverish, and Noiz pulled Aoba closer until the blue haired man was sitting on his lap, practically straddling him, his arms going around Noiz's neck, their chests pressing together. It all happened so suddenly, he felt a little disorientated, but quickly his senses came back. His hands slid down, snaking around his waist, stroking his sides, his hips, his outer thighs. Aoba moaned softly against him, with that alluring voice that drove him mad. His lips tasted like fruity cider and bitter wine, his tongue was wet and sweet as they played together, searching for each other in their mouths. He felt like he was drowning in him, his taste, his touch, his scent. Passion and lust blazed inside him, desire and want, and he needed nothing more than to be closer to him. He could get lost like this, in the familiar feeling of having his body pressed so close to Aoba's, like they were becoming one, of their lips merging together like like they were drawn in by some magnetic force.

They broke away, gasping, and he found himself staring up into Aoba's eyes, brown flecked with multiple colours, changing along with the dancing lights as though they followed the beat. Aoba's hair fell over his shoulders, like messy strands of silk, glowing as though infused with the array of rainbow colours, and he longed to reach out and touch it, so he did, with gentle strokes. He'd done this when they had kissed at the hospital too, and found it pleasant to feel Aoba's hair in his hands as they kissed, although he felt little more than a dull sensation on his skin, it was somehow soft and smooth as each fine strand sifted between his fingers. But when he moved his hands up to the hair above Aoba's neck, the other let out a small gasp and pulled away with a slight flinch.

"What's wrong?" Noiz asked. It had looked for a moment like Aoba was in pain, but he'd never heard of someone who could feel pain in their hair. Maybe it was his head.

"Nothing." he replied. Unconvinced, Noiz made a mental note to be careful, meanwhile the blue haired moron's face suddenly went bright red, as though he'd just come to his senses and realised what they were doing. He began to struggle against Noiz, trying to push himself away, but Noiz held him tightly around the waist. "Can I get off now?" Aoba asked, looking a little agitated.

"No." Noiz responded. "I quite like you sitting here." he slid one hand down Aoba's back, slipping it up his shirt and caressing the curve of his spine. Aoba jolted under the touch, a tiny whimper seeping from his lips.

"Please?" he whined, with a slight shiver.

"No." Noiz said firmly. He liked it when Aoba became flustered and embarrassed. Crimson slowly coloured his face as he struggled and squirmed against him, begging to be released. It was amusing. Maybe even arousing, Noiz thought.

"I-it's embarrassing. People are looking!" he protested, shifting nervously on top of Noiz. People were looking, some amused, questioning and frowning glances cast their way, whispers rippling among them. Noiz didn't care, to him it wasn't a big deal how much they saw or what they thought about it. But it was a different story for Aoba, who suddenly seemed so embarrassed and shy, timidly burying his face into Noiz's shoulder as though to hide from their eyes. For a moment, Aoba's weight pressed against his groin, and something warm shot through him like electricity. He suppressed a gasp, and then slowly slid his hand down further, his fingers teasing the line of Aoba's pants. "N-noiz!" Aoba exclaimed. "Don't, idiot!"

Noiz raised an eyebrow. "You're the one that got on top of me." he said, his voice low.

Aoba, unable to think of a reply, just writhed atop him again, and Noiz inhaled sharply.

"Let me go, idiot!" he said, starting to sway his body from side to side in some uncoordinated form of resistance. He was definitely a little tipsy, his eyes a slight sheen of intoxication and his words came out slower and more slurred than usual.

"Fuck." Noiz gasped, a sweetness running between his hips, spurred on by the pressure of Aoba's erratic movements. "Stop moving, idiot!"

Aoba stopped, his lips curling into a sly smile. "Does it feel good?" he asked slowly, putting emphasis on each word.

Aoba stared down at Noiz, meeting his gaze with a challenging glare. At first he had been embarrassed, but as soon as he'd realised how Noiz was reacting to the pressure of his movements, the feeling faded a little and he decided it would be fun to turn the tables. Noiz's face was flushed pink, and his pale eyes were wide, gleaming in different colours as they reflected the flashing lights. Aoba saw him take in a deep breathe. "It does, doesn't?" He continued to question Noiz, all the while leaning into him with a triumphant smirk. He could feel himself getting aroused too, a slight tension building between his legs.

"You're making me hard." Noiz said, returning his assertive look. Aoba blinked at the sudden statement, his expression going blank. He forgot how forward Noiz could be, even about sexual things which most people would find embarrassing, and sometimes it took him by surprise. For a moment he couldn't find words in his hazy mind, and he felt irritated, like he'd lost to Noiz, although he wasn't sure exactly what game they were playing in the first place. "Let's go back then." he said, annoyed at how obviously delayed his response was. Noiz chuckled. "We need to finish the wine first."

Aoba placed his lips against the side of Noiz's neck. "Let's go." he said in a pleading tone. He didn't really know what he was doing, but for some reason he felt agitation build up inside him. He just wanted to get away, from the stuffy warmth and cloying air, the piercing gazes around them and the grinding sound of music that seemed to invade his head claw away at his mind. He felt like the room was narrowing in on them, and soon they'd be crushed in the sweaty, shifting crowds, swallowed up by the sea of dancers. He wanted to be alone with Noiz, he couldn't breathe properly in this over crowded building. "Please."

Noiz leaned forward slightly, one arm still tight around Aoba's waist, the other reaching for something on the table. He picked up Aoba's almost full wine glass, and held it to his face. "Drink first." he said, more of an order than a request. Aoba stared into the glass being held to his lips, the strong smell burning his nose, a distorted reflection of his face rippling in the deep red liquid. He shook his head. "I don't like it." he protested, sounding like a fussy child.

Noiz sighed. "Come on." he urged, pushing the glass closer so the cold rim touched Aoba's bottom lip.

"Fine." Aoba muttered, seeing no other choice and getting sick of Noiz forcing it upon him, he grabbed the glass from Noiz's hand, downing it all in one go like he'd seen Noiz do earlier. It tasted awfully bitter, and felt like acid going down his throat, burning in his stomach. He grimaced, then shook his head, an involuntary shudder running through his body. "That was awful." he said.

"I didn't mean all at once, idiot." Noiz said with a hint of affection. "Well whatever. Let's go." He finally released Aoba from his grip, and the blue haired man stood up quickly, before realising his mistake. The wine must have gone straight to his head. Dizziness crashed upon him, and his body and limbs felt hollow, his legs unstable beneath him. He reached out, trying to find something to balance himself but instead grasping at empty air. He stumbled back, grateful when Noiz reached out and steadied him with a supportive hand around his arm. "Oh shit!" Aoba laughed, after the moment of panic had passed.

Noiz slid a hand into his, clutching it tightly. It was warm and somewhat clammy, but it felt nice and comforting at the same time. "Right, come on." he said, pulling Aoba along, struggling through the pulsing crowds, tangled limbs getting in their way like a thick forest of gnarled tree branches, frantic movements that seemed to slash out at them and slow them down as they went by in a hazy blur. The air was filled with the smell of alcohol and perspiration, the overwhelming sound of drunken laughter and shouts, the loud pulsing beat of the music that seemed to drum through his body, resonating in his bones. He was glad Noiz's grip on his hand was so tight and reassuring, guiding him through the ever moving crowd like a lifeline to rescue him from a stormy ocean of chaos.

When they finally got outside, Aoba took a deep breathe of the cold night air, feeling a lot less restricted and on edge under the vast starry sky, a canopy of black dotted by sparkling lights spread out above them. He still felt unbalanced, his vision swaying slightly, his head light, but Noiz kept him up straight, guiding him along the dark streets, bathed in the pale silvery glow of the half moon. Aoba looked at him, feeling his heart go weak at the way the moonlight washed all the colour from his pale hair and serious face, added a pearly gleam to his green eyes. The light really brought out his handsome looks, giving him a mysterious and striking beauty.

Noiz held Aoba steady, one arm tight around his waist, the other clutching his hand. Despite the urgency that built up in the pit of his stomach like subtle crackling flames, he took slow careful steps as he guided Aoba along the thin, winding roads. He'd bought the wine to share with Aoba, so he'd wanted him to drink at least a glass, but now he felt bad for being forceful with it. He didn't realise it would have such a great effect on him. He could no longer stand straight, and his words were slow and garbled. He was humming to himself softly as they walked, a sweet tune that sounded vaguely familiar, although he was a bit off key.

He'd dealt with drunken Aoba before, the circumstances back then were scarily alike to their current situation. Only last time Aoba had already been drunk when they met, a lot more drunk than he was right now, and this time he got to watch him quickly go from sober to intoxicated. He was such a lightweight, it would have been shameful for a grown man, had it not been so cute. He adored Aoba was much as he desired him, a strange feeling that whirled his heart and mind into chaos. He wasn't used to caring for others so much. Aoba gently pressed his head against Noiz's arm. "I was grateful." he muttered softly.

"What?" Noiz asked, bewildered.

"Earlier, when you defended me."

It took Noiz a moment to realise what he was referring to. That idiot in his team who'd attacked Aoba. He felt his stomach go cold just thinking about it, his heart twisted through with a barb of guilt. He was the one who put Aoba in that situation. What would have happened if he hadn't intervened? Sick shivers tore through him just imagining it, and he swore to himself he'd destroy anyone who tried to hurt Aoba again.

"I can walk on my own." Aoba suddenly said, trying to break free of Noiz's hold.

"Are you sure?" Noiz asked, raising a pierced eyebrow. "You're a bit drunk."

Aoba shook his head vigorously in disagreement, messy blue hair swaying all over the place. "I'm fine!" he assured Noiz. "I can walk on my own, honestly."

"Okay, okay." He released his secure hold on him. "If you fall over, it's your own fault." he said, rolling his eyes.

"It's fine!" he chirped, grabbing Noiz's hand and dragging him along the streets. "Come on!"

Hand in hand, they half stumbled into the large elevator, after rushing through the main entrance and empty lobby. Aoba was in a fit of giggles which was abruptly cut off when Noiz kissed him. He couldn't even remember what he was laughing at, and the feeling of Noiz's lips on his seemed to wash away all the thoughts in his head. Noiz's hands began wandering over his body, one sliding hotly over the bare skin of his stomach, slowly creeping up toward his chest, the other inching lower, toward his belt. A shock of electricity ran down his spine, and he let out a small gasp which was stifled by Noiz's lips. As he was pressed against the wall, the lift slightly jolted as it came to a stop at the top floor and Aoba lost his balance for a moment, falling forward into Noiz, who once again had to keep him steady "Idiot." Noiz muttered, rolling his eyes. "Come on." he said, unable to conceal the urgency in his voice.

Noiz led Aoba to the living room, simply because it was closer to the front door than his bedroom and that extra distance to the end of the hallway seemed to stretch out into miles of darkness. He didn't have the patience to walk that far. Aoba sprawled himself out on the sofa, staring up at him with a beckoning gaze in his burning eyes, his shirt crumpled up to reveal the soft pale skin of his slender abdomen, his hand reaching out to pull Noiz down onto him. Noiz's heart raced with desire, a desperate need swelling within him and before he knew it he had let himself be be pulled, crawling on top of Aoba and kissing him with an uncontrollable fierceness.

At first Aoba was crushed under Noiz's weight. Not just the weight of his body on top of his, but the weight of his kiss, the pressure of his lips colliding into Aoba's with bruising force, like he was unable to breathe unless they were connected. For a while he submerged himself in the feeling, closing his eyes and focusing on the sensation. Noiz's tongue running along his lips, touching against his own, the small metal ball of his piercing trapped between them, clacking against the inside of his mouth. But even through the arousal of being kissed and touched, an uneasiness frayed his nerves, a sickening pressure building subtly in his stomach, driving away any thoughts of pleasure.

Through the thin mist of intoxication that swirled in his head, he felt that dim fear slowly grow, like a dark cloud rolling out in the back of his mind. He was the one who'd provoked Noiz, lured him into this, he was the one who'd made the first move. So why did he feel so anxious and edgy? Even with a glass of wine in his system, he wasn't that drunk, he still had his wits and senses about him, dull and hazy as they were. But the weight of Noiz holding him down was suffocating, a warm body on top of his, hands sliding under his clothes and burning his skin. Those searching fingers slowly changed from something that sparked excitement in him to something that made fear sink into his heart. He still recalled being held down by Koujaku, he still recalled the fear and terror of staring into those eyes and seeing only rage reflected back at him, and he felt frustrated that now of all time he'd suddenly started thinking of that. Noiz wasn't Koujaku. Noiz wouldn't do that to him. So why was he so afraid?

He didn't want to resist and push him away, but he didn't know what to do now. He was being held down, there was no way out, he felt trapped under the weight like he was being drowned in a frozen lake, desperately trying to break free through the icy surface. Before he'd realised, he'd felt himself go really still and tense, like his muscles were slowly turning into stone.

Noiz sat up, noticing the change in his reactions. "What's wrong?" he asked, kneeling over him. There was no accusation or malice in his voice, but those sharp green eyes seemed to pierce through him, searching his face.

"Nothing!" Aoba said, after a moment of hesitation.

"You're nervous." Noiz's eyes narrowed in on him, and he felt like he suddenly felt fragile and vulnerable, as though he were constructed of glass. "You were fine a minute ago."

Aoba shook his head in protest, and suddenly felt a surge of dizziness creep up on him. He closed his eyes tightly to fend it off, and when he opened them again after a moment, Noiz was still staring down at him, but his eyes were soft with concern.

"Is it because of the guy from earlier?" he asked.

Aoba shook his head again, his throat feeling a little dry. Noiz had no idea about what had happened with Koujaku.

"Well, whatever." Noiz said and leaned in to kiss him. Aoba's head slightly slanted back, and Noiz's lips touched his, soft and soothing. The gentle brush of his lips made Aoba relax a little, some of the tension draining from him as though washed away in the warmth. Playful fingers toyed with the tips of his long blue hair and a hand gently cupped his face. Despite the warmth, he shivered slightly.

Noiz lifted his head, eyes scanning Aoba's. "Maybe we shouldn't."

A stab of disappointed ran through Aoba, but deep down he also felt relief come over him. He didn't know what he wanted, he was unsure right now, and the alcohol that pumped through his veins also blurred his thoughts. "Sorry..." he said, turning his face away from Noiz. He felt a sudden rush of shame wash over him, and his eyes stung a little. Why was he so upset?

"It's fine." Noiz said, sliding off of Aoba and settling next to him on the couch. He was a little frustrated, since Aoba had gotten him all worked up and then changed his mind, but it couldn't be helped. What he'd saw in Aoba's eyes wasn't just a little nervousness or hesitation, it was fear. Just for a moment he'd went still, and his eyes were wide with alarm, as though he felt he was in danger. Was Aoba afraid of him? The thought seemed to carve through his heart like a cleaver. He didn't want that. All he wanted was for Aoba to return his feelings. He wasn't used to wanting things he couldn't have, most of the time if he desired something, he took it. But with Aoba, he'd soon realised it was different.

He heard Aoba take a sharp intake of breathe. "I'm just tired..." he mumbled. It was an obvious lie, he was clearly severely troubled by something.

"Let's go to bed then." Noiz sighed, rising to his feet. He glanced back to see if Aoba was coming too, but the other man just stared up at him in confusion.

"What?"

"Aren't you coming?"

"But I sleep here." Aoba argued, colour rushing into his pale cheeks.

Noiz leaned down and took one of Aoba's hands. "Sleep in my bed tonight."

Noiz's voice wasn't commanding, but it crept into Aoba's ear, so low and alluring he found it hard to refuse. For a moment he felt light headed and a shiver ran up his spine like the light brush of fingers. Heat poured into his cheeks and not trusting himself to speak, he only nodded stiffly before Noiz led him away, toward the bedroom. He didn't know why he felt like this. They were only going to be sleeping, right?

"You better no try anything, you perverted brat." Aoba mumbled.

"I won't."

Aoba shifted nervously with Noiz's arms wrapped around his body, cradling him from behind. He felt like a burning heat had settled upon his skin, and he was boiling beneath the sheets. What was this feeling? Noiz buried his face into the back of Aoba's neck. "You still awake?" He mumbled.

Aoba jolted at the sensation of warm breathe against him, sending chills down his spine. "Y-yeah." He replied, his voice a little strained.

"I wasn't going to ask but..." Noiz sounded hesitant, his voice barely above a whisper. "Your wrists."

"My what?"

"I noticed a while back. They're a little red." Noiz stated, his words rippling through the dark night. "Did something happen?"

Aoba froze, his mind racing back to when Koujaku had pinned him down against the kitchen table. How tightly his hand had clamped around Aoba's slender wrists, how painful it had been, like his bones were being crushed in that grip. He'd noticed the marks on his skin too, slightly reddened bands around his wrists, but cast it to the back of his mind, refusing to acknowledge the truth. The reminder that Koujaku had hurt him again. He subconsciously pulled his arms into his chest, feeling a little sick.

"Aoba?" Noiz shuffled behind him, the sound of skin sliding against fabric, the bed creaking beneath them as he sat up.  
Aoba turned to face Noiz, who peered down at him. "You OK?" The blonde asked, concern visible on his face, even through the gloomy darkness.

"I'm fine." Aoba responded stubbornly. He couldn't bring himself to tell Noiz the truth. "It's nothing."

Noiz sighed. His pale green eyes pierced the curtain of night. "Liar" he muttered.

Aoba drew in his breathe, aware Noiz wasn't going to let it go. "I'm sorry." he said. "I don't want to talk about it."

Noiz's keen gaze seemed to be reading his face, and suddenly he felt like he was made of glass. "Well, whatever." He grumbled, lying back down in his previous position, arms embracing Aoba from behind.

After that the room went silent, save for Noiz's soft steady breathing as he slept next to him. Aoba tried not to toss and turn too much, but for some reason he could not find any comfort in the arms that held him. There was an odd pressure building in his chest, pressing down in his lungs. He felt like something unpleasantly warm was choking the air from him, coiling itself around his neck. The atmosphere around the dark bedroom was oppressive and cloying, and he wanted nothing more than to escape the stifling air. He needed to get away, if only for a brief moment, for some fresh air to clear his racing mind and strangled lungs.

He couldn't see much of the bedroom through the veil of darkness, but he managed to carefully slip from Noiz's arms and onto the edge of the bed. The other man barely even stirred. He stared into the fuzzy blackness of the bedroom, scrunching his eyes up to force them to adjust to the night. Then he quietly got to his feet and tip toed across the room, toward the thin ray of light that crept through the crack in the door way. He quietly opened the door, and squeezed through the gap, finding himself stumbling into the hallway, toward the front door, down the elevator and out of the main exit.

Aoba knew it was dangerous to be walking around alone at night, especially in the rough part of the district, but he'd left Noiz's apartment without really thinking about it, and had no real plans of where to go or what to do. He was just enjoying the cold air and dark night. It seemed to calm him down and clear his thoughts, as he breathed it in and stared up at the night sky, a glittering canvas of stars painted above him. He wondered what it would be like, if he could just float among them for a while, to be free from the chains that tethered him to the ground, to his body, to his life. To forget everything and to know nothing but the beauty of the stars. Maybe that's what death would be like. Aoba slowly shook his head, a little troubled at the way his thoughts were going. He didn't want to die, he was just feeling down and confused about everything, and he'd had a drink as well.

Then he realised he'd managed to walk to the area of town where shady characters gathered in the darkest alleys, probably to engage criminal activities and conduct illegal trades. A shiver of unease ran through him as he thought about it, and he turned back, speeding up his pace and suddenly feeling on edge. Above him the moon floated alone in a cloudy sky, the light so weak and dull it barely illuminated the path before him, and for some reason most of the street lights which lined the side walk were completely broken, or shone really low, flickering like the unsteady glow of candle light as moths danced and flitted around them.

He hadn't really had much to drink, so the faint buzzing in his body didn't fend off the cold night air at all, and the dull haze descending over his mind that stopped him from thinking properly had lifted. He soon intended to return to his usual spot on the sofa at Noiz's place and go back to sleep. He began walking back the way he came, through the thin winding roads that led to the open area at the edge of town. He could already see the white tall white building blocks, looming over the smaller buildings of the town as they scraped the starry sky. But a voice behind him stopped him in his tracks. "Sly Blue." It was slightly familiar, and sounded sing song, almost light and teasing, but he could sense the malice beneath it. He hadn't heard anyone approach him at all, probably because he was too lost in thought, but now behind him, multiple foot steps echoed through the dark street. Immediately he sensed danger, his nerves jumping as though pulled like strings, and he didn't know whether to stay frozen on the spot or run. Whenever someone brought up his rhyme name, trouble always followed immediately.

"What's someone like you doing out alone at night?"

Aoba turned to face the source of the voice, and was instantly being stared at with three different sets of eyes. One were dark and familiar, gazing out from beneath a black hood.

"You! From earlier!" he blurted out in surprise. He couldn't stop himself, clearly the effects of the wine hadn't worn off. He recognised the man from Noiz's team, who had approached him before.

"I'm glad you remember me." he said, with a deadly smile.

"What do you want?" Aoba spat.

" _We_ want to have a little talk." he replied calmly.

The other two guys glared at him, taking a step forward. Aoba backed away. The whole situation reeked of danger, and his nerves were on edge, his body tense. He wanted nothing more than to turn and run. If he could just make it back to Noiz's...But the way back was right in front of him, and they were blocking his path. He didn't know the area well enough to run another direction and loop back, and stupidly he'd left his coil on the bedside table, so he had no access to a map or any information of the area.

Those dark, predatory eyes narrowed on him, and suddenly he felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff, a sheer drop to his death behind him and a trio of monsters in front of him. "About what?" Aoba asked nervously. It was strange to run into someone at this time of night, but it was just bad news if they said they wanted to talk.

"Noiz." he responded impassively.

"What?"

"We're going to take out The Rabbit." he said with a murderous smile.

For the first time in his life that Noiz could remember, he actually felt uncomfortable waking up alone. He could no longer feel the comfort of Aoba's body in his arms or hear the soft sigh of his breathing as he slept. The cold empty space on the bed next to him made him feel uneasy, and the silence seemed to press upon him like a crushing weight. He waited for a few minutes, thinking maybe Aoba had got up to go to the toilet or get something to drink, but after a while there was no sign of his return. With a tired groan, Noiz dragged himself out of bed and headed to the living room, hoping the blue haired moron had went back to the damn sofa. But when he scanned the area, it was completely empty, save for the pale glow of moonlight that dimly illuminated the room.

After quickly searching every room and finding nothing, Noiz felt an odd tension clamp around his chest, and he realised he was worried. Aoba had left him alone, hadn't he? Aoba didn't want to stay after all. He felt as though the darkness was swallowing him, seeping inside him and painting him black. He was alone again. In despair, he was about to throw himself back into bed, when he noticed a small bag sitting in the corner of his bedroom, and a flashing light on the bedside table. Aoba's coil and bag were still there. He hadn't left after all. Perhaps he'd just gone for some fresh air? Noiz almost laughed at himself for having such a childish reaction and letting his worry get the better of him. It made him feel a little better to see Aoba's things. It was like a reassurance to him, something that gave him great comfort. But...the moron left his coil, and he couldn't get back into the building without it.

Noiz sighed, making up his mind with a certain resolve, Noiz decided to go out looking for Aoba. For all he knew, the idiot could be back already and stuck outside, freezing to death under the cold night. He remembered something he'd said to Aoba before, when he was trying to convince him to stay another night. 'The streets are cold. You'll probably freeze to death. Have fun.' Guilt twisted through him for a brief moment, and he felt ashamed for having said something so needlessly cruel. "Aoba." he muttered under his breathe. He had to find him. An uneasy feeling had begun to cling to him, something he couldn't quite explain. It settled in the pit of his stomach, cold and sickening. He was worried about Aoba.


	15. Torment and Love

**Author's note: So sorry for slow updates, I don't have much spare time to work on this anymore. I will keep going until I finish though, I promise! ^_^**

Koujaku stared at the half empty glass before him, still feeling the sting of the clear liquid in the back of his throat, the slightly bitter taste lingering on his tongue for a few moments. No matter how much he drank, it didn't seem to help. There was an emptiness growing inside him, a hollow darkness spreading through him, a profound sorrow that he hadn't felt since his mother passed away. Losing Tae, who'd been like a grandmother to him was hard enough, but now he'd lost Aoba too. His only solid ground in a swirling turmoil of pain and anger and regret. The only thing that kept him steady. Aoba had hurt him, a wound carved into his heart so deeply that it would never heal, that it may not even stop hurting for as long as he lived. But what he'd done to Aoba when he'd lost control of his temper was a million times worse.

He could still recall the white hot rage that surged through his blood, swirling forth and flooding his mind like an ocean of fire, the deep red that stained the edges of his vision as though his the corners of his eyes were bleeding, and the exhilarating strength that flowed through him, pouring into his body and muscles like molten lead. He always worked so hard to keep his anger in check, especially around Aoba. He always managed to hold it back, as though it was a rush of boiling water pushing against a dam in the back of his mind. But he'd completely lost control and crumbled, not once, but twice, because he couldn't stand the smug look on that little shit's face, or the idea of those filthy hands on Aoba's body. The consequences of his actions were beyond dire, worse than anything he could ever imagine. He'd hurt Aoba. Self loathing and regret welled within him, and he grabbed his glass, downing the rest of the drink in one go. Whatever hope he had of fixing this mess was gone forever.

"I think you've had enough." Mizuki's familiar voice rang out from across the bar. Koujaku glanced up at him, his head feeling a little light and his vision swaying slightly. Light green eyes clouded with worry met his own unfocused gaze. Mizuki was a kind and caring man, who did his best to look out for everyone around him, which was why his Rib Team had grown so large over time. He was always flashing a warm smile, making the white tear drop tattoo beneath his left eye ill fitted to his cheerful demeanor. The short burgundy hair that framed his tanned face fell over his eyes, and he pushed it back with one hand as he spoke. "You're okay, right?" he asked.

"One more." Koujaku replied, hoarsly, ignoring his friend's concern. He'd spent a lot of time crying the past few days, more than he'd like to admit, and as a result his throat felt aching and raw.  
"Must have been a rough break up" Mizuki replied grimly, giving in and pouring him another glass. Koujaku only stared at him in silence, because it was too painful to talk about. Mizuki frowned, his pale green eyes dulling a little. "Sorry." He said. "But whatever happened, I'm sure you guys will work things out. You've been best friends since you were kids and you obviously love each other."  
Koujaku couldn't bring himself to reply with anything but a slight nod. Mizuki's words didn't spark any hope in him at all, he already knew deep down that this time it could never be fixed.

"Cheer up, bud." Mizuki continued, his voice kind. "Nothing could separate you two forever, these things just take time to overcome."  
"It's different now." Koujaku replied flatly, his empty voice and blank gaze matching how he hollowed out felt on the inside. "He got sick of my temper, and he found someone else."  
Mizuki's eyes widened. "Aoba...he did what?" He asked, unable to mask his surprise.  
"He's already moved on..." Koujaku replied quietly. "Just leave me alone." He mumbled in despair, slowly pushing himself to his feet and stumbling away from the bar. He'd had enough. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to hear about it. He just wanted go somewhere and be alone, let the drink to its job and seep through to his brain until his thoughts dissipated and he became numb.  
"Oi!" Mizuki called after him, circling round the bar in pursuit. "At least let me make sure you get home safely. You've drank quite a bit." He said, placing a supportive hand on Koujaku's shoulder. At any other time he would have found comfort in the gentle touch of one of his oldest friends. But now it just frustrated him, and he shrugged Mizuki off with an angered grunt. "Leave me alone." He spat, a little more harshly than he intended. Hurt flashed briefly in Mizuki's eyes, but koujaku just couldn't find the will to care. He brushed past the burgundy haired man, not even sparing him a glance.  
"Koujaku!" He desperately called after him. "Koujaku!"

He ignored his friends cries, and instead headed home, his vision blurred and swaying, his body staggering from side to side as though the ground beneath him was cracked and uneven. But it was the alcohol that was making him clumsy footed. The streets swam by in a dark blur of motion, the orange lights seeming so bright as they pierced through the night and into his eyes like flames. He didn't know what time it was, but it being a Saturday night, groups of night clubbers and party goers had begun gathering on the streets, causing an awful lot of noise and commotion as they yelled drunken jeers and shrieked with laughter. He ignored them, stumbling through the darkness like he was caught in the strong current of a raging river, being pulled from side to side, unable to gain a full and steady control of his body. He finally staggered through his front door and collapsed in the hallway, staring up at the pale ceiling and feeling complete disorientated. How had he gotten here again? Did it even matter anymore? A small drunken chuckle left his lips, more bitter than anything. That's right. Nothing mattered anymore. What was he even doing?

He stared at the ceiling, watching it spin. He had nothing left, no reason to exist any longer. Aoba would never take him back, and without Aoba he had nothing. He was nothing. He barely felt the warmth of tears streaming down his face, but through his hazy mind he was somehow aware that he was crying.

Nothing. He had nothing. He was nothing.

He finally got to his feet, falling forward and bracing himself again the wall due to a harsh rush of dizziness that seemed to slice through his head like a hot blade. He stumbled toward the kitchen, the glinting metal of the blades in the knife and rack catching his eye. It would be funny, wouldn't it? He laughed aloud in despair, his voice shattering the heavy silence as he took the largest blade from its sheath in the rack. He wondered if anyone would care, really. If he was gone, would anyone even bat an eyelid. A murderer like him, a man who'd killed his own mother? Attacked his own boyfriend? Who would miss a scumbag like him? Aoba was gone, Tae was gone, his mother was gone. He should go too.

Feelings of despair enveloped him, his entire conscious consumed with a profound sorrow that was slowly eating him away to the very core, like skin decaying on a rotten corpse. He could feel himself die even before he drew the knife across the vulnerable skin of his wrist. But now, for just a moment the sharp, fiery pain and thick beads of blood pouring out made him feel alive. And then he was crashing to the floor, and already darkness had begun to creep around the edges of his vision, swallowing up any light.

"What!?" Aoba demanded, a sudden terror lancing through his heart. He didn't understand what he was being told, the words refused to sink into his head. They were going to take out The Rabbit? Did that mean they were going to hurt Noiz? Kill him? The idea seemed incomprehensible, it was so insane, like something that could only happen in a twisted nightmare.

But the man's eyes were filled deeply with resolve, cold and dark and merciless, and his lips curled into a sickly smile. "Relax. He won't die."

Aoba felt himself tremble, a feeling of sickness growing in the pit of his stomach "Aren't you on his team?" he asked quietly.

"Not really." he shrugged. "We just want to destroy Ruff Rabbit."

"Why?" He couldn't comprehend it. What would destroying another team do? What could the possibly gain? Had Rhyme really become this brutal? And why were they targeting Noiz?

"Money." he said bitterly.

Aoba took a slow step back, cold fear sliding into his veins. He suddenly felt as though he'd fallen over the edge, and plunged straight into a stormy ocean. This was dangerous, and he wanted nothing to do with these guys anymore. Destroy Ruff Rabbit? Take out Noiz? Over something as stupid, as petty as that? How could anyone be so consumed by greed? These guys were insane. The air around them felt heavy and dark, and it made his stomach twist in a sickening manner. He wanted to get away immediately, every cell in his body was screaming at him to run.

But what would they do if he ran?

And then it was too late to find out, because those dark eyes were suddenly right in front of him, and he was being slammed against the side of a building. This guy was so fast and strong he hadn't seen it coming, he hadn't had any time to brace himself, so the full effect of the blow crashed against him, sending sharp pain down his back. The air flew out of his lungs, and he choked and gasped pitifully. "You should join us." the man said, bunching his fist into the collar of Aoba's top.

Aoba shook his head. "I refuse." he said after a moment, his stubborn voice wavering. The grip tightened, fist pulling at the material.

"I wasn't asking."

Aoba wasn't listening, he couldn't hear a thing. The whole world seemed to fade out for a moment, his focus blurring as a sudden terror gripped his heart, that awful feeling of being trapped, caged like an animal. He wanted to scream and lash out, but he knew he couldn't. It was too dangerous to fight back, there were three of them this time. Maybe once he would have stood a chance, but right now he was too weak in both body and mind, and it was frustrating. He trembled, his blood running through his veins like ice. "Let go of me." he said quietly, trying to mask his fear.

"I refuse." he said with a smirk, his eye glinting in the dark.

"I wasn't asking!" Aoba cried, raising his arms and pushing against his assailant with all his might. The guy released him and stumbled back, shock flashing across his eyes for a few seconds. But that was all it was, he wasn't hurt in the slightest, only surprised. Aoba didn't have the strength he used to, maybe once he could have knocked him to the ground, and darted away before the others even knew what was going on. But now with his weak and frail body, he could do nothing, and he only had himself to blame.

A fist drove into his lower abdomen, and immediately the air was knocked from his lungs and he doubled over, gasping at the intense ache that tore through him. He tried to ignore it and push himself up, but the man knelt down in front of him, grabbing the hair on top of his head and giving it a harsh tug. A sharp ache ran through the abused strands, piercing into Aoba's skull like thin blades. Why the hell did he have any sort of sensation in his hair anyway?Aoba felt his body tremble, and he looked away. He didn't want to meet those dark, corrosive eyes, he couldn't bare to look at them.

Cold, thin fingers curled around his chin, forcing his head toward the man who held him there. Held in this position, he had no choice but to look at his attacker. In this light, the dark shadows of the alley seemed to shroud his face, slicing it with thick shadows that made him look even more intimidating than he had earlier. He loomed over Aoba, like a huge cat staring down at a field mouse right before it sprung for its prey. His eyes were so dark, it was like they were cut from the blackest part of the night sky. "You just have to do as I say and you won't get hurt." he said, his voice sweet, but with a malicious undertone. Aoba didn't want to listen to anything he had to say, much less obey him, but he was slowly running out of options. Noiz might be an ass sometimes, but for the most part he'd been nothing but kind and respectful toward Aoba, after he stopped being a little shit. Throwing it all back in his face by helping this lunatic wasn't a choice.

"Why?" he asked. "Why me?"

The hand clamped around his jaw moved, shifting further up his face, toward the bruise beneath his eye. Two fingers pressed down, applying a painful pressure to the tender skin which made him flinch at the sharp sting. "He cares about you." the guy said sourly. "Call him. And say exactly what I tell you to say. Try anything funny and we'll beat the shit out of you."

"I-" Aoba tried to speak, but the hand on his face tightened and those dark eye narrowed into slits, regarding him as though he was a bug just waiting to be crushed. It made him feel that small and helpless.

"Do it." he commanded, with a harsh tone that implied there was no more room for disobedience.

Noiz frantically searched around the empty streets, following the dull glow of orange lights that cut cone shapes through the thick veil of night. He couldn't understand why Aoba had disappeared without a word at this time of night, but it left an inexplicable feeling of dread that burned in the back of his throat. There wasn't just that lingering fear that Aoba had become sick of him and abandoned him, he was also worried for the other man's safety. The town could be dangerous this late, and the idiot could just be strolling around casually on his own, which made him an easy target for robbers, rapists, murderers. Anyone.

"God damnit." he muttered through gritted teeth. He was angry at himself for worrying over Aoba, and angry at Aboa for making him worry. A tenseness was building up inside him, like a coiled spring waiting to be released, and he clenched his fists so tight his nails dented the palm of his hands. Admittedly he'd been worried about Aoba before, but for some reason this seemed a lot worse, as though something was cutting through him. It was painful in a way he couldn't explain, because he didn't understand pain very well.

Suddenly his coil went off, the sharp beep of the ringtone cutting through the silence. He didn't recognise the number, so he ignored it at first, continuing his fruitless search for the missing blue haired moron. It was only when it began ringing again that he decided to answer, and when he heard Aoba's voice on the other end, he was overcome with a mixture of surprise and relief that washed away some of the tension from inside him.

"N-noiz?" his voice was quiet and hesitant on the other end.

"Yeah? Where are you?" Noiz asked immediately.

A moment of silence, and then. "I'm outside The Sanguine. C-can you come here?"

Noiz rolled his eyes, feeling both frustrated and relieved. He'd been worried about the idiot over nothing. "What are you doing there? How are you calling me anyway, you left your coil at my place."

"I'm using...someone else's." he replied, his voice a little too strained. He'd sounded nervous from the moment he first spoke, which struck Noiz as a little strange. What reason was there for him to be nervous? Was something going on, was someone else there? A slow, crushing anxiety began growing within Noiz again. "What's going on?" he demanded, his harsh tone covering up his concern.

"Nothing."

"Where are you really? Who are you with?"

He heard a sharp intake of breathe. "Please just come." It sounded more like he was pleading rather than asking. Noiz felt his chest go tight, an unpleasant feeling gnawing away inside him. All his instincts were telling him that something wasn't right, but he had no idea what was going on, no information about the situation. He could tell Aoba was lying to him or keeping something from him, he just didn't know why.

"Okay. Where, again?" he asked. He was giving Aoba one last chance to be honest.

Noiz's voice was a firm warning, hinting that he knew something was up. Aoba had said everything they had told him to say, but he had such great difficulty keeping his nerves from his voice that Noiz hadn't bought it, and had probably smelled the bullshit. He was observant and had a keen eye, he seemed to pick up on everything around him while revealing nothing about himself. For a brief moment, Aoba wondered how someone could become that way, before realising he had no time to linger on such thoughts.

They weren't at The Sanguine, but there was probably other guys in the area around the club waiting for Noiz to show up. If he went there looking for Aoba, he would most likely walk right into a trap, and if something happened to him Aoba wouldn't be ale to live with himself knowing he'd been the cause. He had to tell the truth, but he had no idea what to do or say, and the imposing eyes watching him impatiently meant he had very little time to think. He took a deep breathe, steeling his resolve. He knew what he was about to do would probably result in him receiving a beating from these guys, but he didn't care anymore. Better it be him than Noiz. No one else should be punished for his foolish mistakes.

"Don't go, it's a trap!" he cried. "The alleys, we're in the back-" he never got to finish his sentence because a fist smacked into his face, the blow rendering him speechless as sharp agony shot through his nose and into his skull, and he let out a strangled cry of pain. "Fucking idiot." roared the man, shoving Aoba onto the ground. He landed against the concrete with a crash, and bone jarring pain tore through his body, for a moment sending his racing mind into blankness.

His vision swayed, the night sky looming above him in a spray of darkness and sparkling lights. And then a shadow crossed his sight, blocking it all from view. Another blow rained down upon him, this time on his bruised cheek, and a crack of agony shot through him like a bullet, making him cry out. "Maybe it would be enough to just kill you." he spat, his face distorted in bitter rage. "Maybe that will be my revenge." His eyes were so dark now, like black holes in his face that seemed to consume all the light. This man was beyond angry. His rage was comparable to when Koujaku went berserk, he could almost feel it, like fire eating away at his skin. Aoba had made a mistake, he had miscalculated, and now he was probably going to pay with his life. Cold fear rushed through his veins, and hopeless despair grew in his stomach like a dark pit. He couldn't fight back. Maybe if he didn't resist it would be easier, less painful.

Cold hands clamped around his neck, and he closed his eyes tightly, waiting for the tight pressure that would squeeze his last breathe from his throat and end his life.

But it never came.

After a while, he hesitantly opened his eyes, blinking slowly. He lay on the ground, feeling a little dazed, his head spinning and a dull ache pounding through his every bone. The threatening figure that had hung over him and the fingers that gripped his throat were gone. He could once again draw in breathe and gaze at the night sky above him. The moon was veiled in a thick layer of silvery grey clouds, and the stars shone around it like little beacons of light. Distantly he could hear the sound of a scuffle, grunts of anger and pain, the sharp crack of punches being thrown, bodies being slammed against walls. He even heard the sound of glass shattering, which snapped him out of his reverie long enough to sit up and try and see what was going on.

As he pushed himself up, a rush of something warm and wet came pouring down his face, and he inhaled to smell nothing but the thick scent of blood burning his nostrils. His nose was stinging and sore, and his limbs felt weak and heavy, his arms trembling beneath the weight of his body, barely able to support him in his current position. His eyes struggled to focus, his vision outlined with a fuzziness, as though it was torn around the edges like a crumple photograph. But he could see movement, figures dancing around in the darkness. At first they appeared as misshapen silhouettes, blobs of black and grey that had no real form. But as his eyes began to focus, he realised they were people. Fighting.

One was already down, shaking and groaning where he lay slumped against a wall, only a few feet away from Aoba. He was sure it was one of the hooded men from earlier who had stood around, glaring at him menacingly. Then the other two must be...that guy and his other accomplice. Aoba tried to narrow his eyes, but his vision wavered as though he was staring through shattered glass for a moment, and a wave of pain rushed through his head. He couldn't follow them anyway, the two of them were locked in a fight with a third man, who seemed to be in his element as he rushed around them, expertly dodging blows, while landing his own with perfect timing. Punches, kicks, even headbutts. It was clear he had the advantage, he was a much more skilled fighter. His movements were more calculated, but fluid at the same time, with all the swiftness, grace and strength of a lion. Aoba had once been a good fighter, but he'd never been that good. He stared in awed silence and admiration, unable to tear his gaze away.

But who was it? Aoba couldn't see, the moonlight barely reached them, it was just a distorted world of dim moving shadows and silhouettes, darting around in the darkness.

Noiz had heard Aoba's voice and come running. He was lucky that he wasn't that far away from him at the time, that he could hear his shout echo through the dark alley walls, follow his cries of pain like a siren wailing into the night. He didn't know how long it took him to get to the source of the noise, he just knew that when he had turned that last corner, the scene he saw unfolding before him filled with with an immense feeling of rage. Aoba was being strangled right in front of him. He didn't have time to think, to take it all in. He rushed forward, toward the man attacking Aoba, and even when another figure had got in his way, he crashed into him, digging an elbow into his chest and slamming him against a wall with the strength and brute force a bowling ball knocks over a helpless pin.

After that it had been a blur of chaos. The man had jumped up, moving away from Aoba leaving him lying on the ground. Noiz didn't have time to check on him, to see if he was okay, because another attacker had circled behind him, swinging something at him. If he hadn't seen it glinting from the corner of his eye, he may have never thought to dodge. It was that silvery shine as it caught the pale moonlight that alerted him to the presence of a weapon in his hand. He jumped out of the way, and seconds later he heard the harsh sound of glass shattering against the wall in next to him, raining down hundreds of deadly shards upon the ground.

He didn't have time to linger on the fact that had he been a fraction of a second slower in twisting his body out of the way, those deadly transparent spikes could have been embedded in his skull. Because as he was avoiding the blow from the glass bottle, he also spun his body, putting all his strength into a high kick aimed at the mans gut, which hit home and sent him staggering back, letting out a gasping cry of pain.

Then he turned to the other asshole, and immediately recognised his team mate from earlier, with his dark hair and even darker glare. The bastard who'd hurt Aoba before. "I'll kill you." Noiz hissed through gritted teeth. His voice sounded so surreal, as though he was hearing someone else speak, and with a sudden burst of burning energy, he lunged forward, ready to swing a fist at that man's face with such force that it would be crushed, but somehow he missed and stumbled forward, almost tripping over his own feet and crashing into Aoba, who was now sitting up and staring at him with wide eyes, bloodshot and red rimmed with puffy, tear stained skin. His face was filled with terror and confusion, and blood poured from his nose in a double crimson stream, soaking into his face, his neck and the collar of his shirt, and just below the blood stained edge Noiz caught a glimpse of reddened, inflamed skin.

That bastard. He didn't know if he'd spoken the words aloud or not, his mind didn't really register it. He leaped forward, and found himself locked in a fight with this man, dodging and exchanging blows. The guy he'd booted in the gut earlier had joined in too, desperately swinging at him in a futile attempt to support his boss. But his movements were slow and sluggish, and he was no real threat at all, so Noiz could focus his efforts on taking out his true enemy. The one who had hurt Aoba.

This guy had nowhere near the strength and speed of Koujaku, and it was soon clear he was wearing down, whereas Noiz had barely broken a sweat. He was still able to dodge and parry the majority of attacks against him, and most of his own seemed to be landing. He could see it in his opponents eyes, that his confidence was fading, that fear was slowly shifting in and taking its place. Whereas Noiz felt nothing but exhilaration. As the warm mist of battle descended upon him, he was more alive and focused than ever. It was so much more exciting than when he battled opponents in Rhyme. If only he could feel pain here too. If he could feel it when his fist connected with another person's body, and another person's fist connected with his, that would have made it perfect.

He could see his enemies every move, read the patterns of his attacks, and with one last punch, he caught him right in the face and watched him crumple to the floor in agony. The other had ran away, darting off like a spooked mouse at the the site of his fallen boss, and the third still lay slumped against the wall where he'd fallen after Noiz's first attack.

"I-I give up, Noiz." the so called leader said in quiet terror. But that wasn't enough. Without thinking, Noiz found himself sitting on top of him, leaning over with his hands around his throat. He would pay for hurting Aoba, he thought as he dug his thumbs into the hollow of his neck, squeezing his fingers in tightly. Distantly he heard someone shouting behind him, but it didn't matter. Their voice was so far away and muffled, it was almost like he was dreaming it. Something pulled against him, a weak and futile tug trying to drag him away, something he could easily ignore. He narrowed his eyes on the man beneath him. He could choke the life from him slowly. Or crush his throat.

That far away voice behind him still called out to him, but it was drowned out by something else. A rushing noise that seemed to flush through his head, sweeping away all his thoughts.

"W-wait..." another voice in front of him came out a strained choke. The guy beneath him was trying to form words, and his eyes were bulging out of his head, writhing in fear and agony. Noiz had never felt the desire to kill before, but now it overwhelmed him, crashing through his body like a burning rage, melting away everything until it was all he could feel. He could kill him. He could kill all three of them, he could-

Suddenly something smacked into his head. He heard the sharp crack, felt it resonate through his skull like the beat of a drum. But he couldn't react, because already it had caused his conscience to fade into darkness, and he felt himself slump forward and fall into a cold world before the thought could fully form.

"Oh shit...Noiz!" Aoba cried, watching as the man fell forward, off of the the figure he was choking, and onto the ground next to him with an ungraceful thud. He stared down at his own clenched fist in shock, the pain still ringing through his fingers like little tiny blades. He hadn't meant to hit him that hard. He wasn't listening to Aoba begging him to stop, and fearing he may actually witness him murder someone, he'd thoughtlessly brought a fist down on the back of his head in a mindless state of panic. He only meant to make him snap out of it, not to knock him flat out. He rushed over to Noiz's side, worry churning in his stomach like a sickness. He ignored the other guys, he didn't care anymore if they were breathing or not. All that mattered to him right now was Noiz.

 _Noiz stared down at his palms, his trembling fingers spread out as though he was balancing something in each hand. Blood wound around his wrists in scarlet strings, streaming from the wounds down to his fingertips in little rivers of red, gathering around his fingernails and dripping to the floor. He'd dropped the razor almost immediately, his hands becoming too numb and shaky to grip onto it anymore, and now he just found himself fixated on the blood that flowed out from the cuts, watching it like he was in a trance. But he couldn't feel it. The pools of red grew, staining his arms, his hands, the floor at his feet. But he felt nothing at all. He just wanted to feel it, to feel pain for once, so he could be normal like everyone else_.

Noiz's eyes opened slowly, his head feeling heavy as though it was glued to the ground. His vision blurred and wavered as though he was underwater, everything just dark shadows and grey blobs. He felt serene and still for a moment, the silence pressing upon him like a heavy blanket, weighing upon him greatly but comforting at the same time. Then he heard a voice, muffled and distorted at first like it was coming from another room, fading in and out. He closed his eyes, giving into a wave of weariness that seemed to pull him under, and then that voice crying out again suddenly dragged him back, like hands reaching out and pulling him up, breaking free through the surface of a stormy ocean. The distorted voice became a shout, and he opened his heavy eyes, his vision gradually returning to a scene of intense blue hair and pale brown eyes set against the oval of a chalk white face stained with scarlet streaks.

Aoba's face was bruised and bloody, his eyes swollen and red. Behind him lay two dark figures, crumpled on the ground, and above him a vast expanse of black sky and dim stars. Why were they outside again? He didn't have a clue. "Noiz!" Aoba cried, his voice strained with worry.

"I'm fine." he replied in a bit of a daze, his voice weak and his throat parched.

"Thank goodness." Aoba whispered with a relieved smile, that seemed to reach out and touch Noiz's heart like a warm light in the dark. Aoba had been hurt, but for the most part he seemed okay, which doused some of Noiz's concern over him. For a moment a deep terror lingered in his heart, that fear and doubt that made an unbearable sickness swirl inside him. What if he hadn't gotten to Aoba in time? What if he really had been killed?

It was all Noiz's fault. He wasn't good for Aoba, just being around him seemed to put him in danger. If he really cared for him, wouldn't it make sense to stay away? But could he even stay away? Or would he be selfish, and continue keeping Aoba close even if it put him at risk? Noiz was occasionally a target for lunatics like them, and the closer he got to Aoba, the bigger a bulls eye it painted on the other man's back. Getting close to other people was a waste after all. He wasn't allowed something like that. He didn't deserve it, and whatever cruel Gods resided in the Heavens above would surely punish him by taking it away.

This entire incident had been a grim wake up call. He had to stop seeing Aoba.

"Are you really okay?" a soft voice snapped him from his thoughts, and he looked up to see tender eyes searching his own. Even with a dark bruise blooming on his cheek, and blood soaking into his face, Aoba still looked at him with concern, no regard to his own state of well being."We should probably get out of here."

Noiz looked into those pale eyes, unwavering and strong, holding a kind and gentle warmth like a low, kindling fire. He smiled nervously, even through dry blood cracked over his lips, and his concerned gaze scanned over Noiz's body, even though he'd been hurt and crying. And Noiz knew in that moment, as he stared up at the worried man looking down at him, his long mess of blue hair glistening pale silver in the dull light of the moon, that he would never be able to let go of Aoba.

"I'm fine." he repeated quietly, and despite his condition he'd never spoke those words more truthfully.


	16. What is This Feeling?

Aoba and Noiz had walked back in silence, supporting each other most of the way. The path before them was obscured in darkness, but the slanted roof of Noiz's apartment block was visible, a tall silver white structure just visible under the pale moonlight. They weren't that far away, but the distance seemed to stretch out further before them with each agonising step. It was times like this that Aoba envied the other man for his lack of the ability to feel pain, because his own body had taken such a beating that every tiny jolt was sore and disorientating for him. His nose had stopped bleeding, but it still stung and sharp pain assaulted his swollen cheek and neck, growing faintly with every step. A dull ache thudded through his entire body, shooting through his limbs in nauseating waves that made his head swim. It hadn't quite settled upon him what had just happened, the events were still blurred together like smudged brushstrokes on an incomplete painting, dimmed and distorted through a curtain of shock.

But when they finally arrived back at Noiz's apartment, they were barely out of the elevator and through the front door before Aoba felt his knees give way beneath the weight of his shaking body, and he sunk to the floor, trembling as he began to choke out bitter sobs.

"Aoba?" Noiz said, leaning down in front of him.

He lowered his gaze to the ground, letting his hair fall limply over his face. He was unable to look the other man in the eye. "What?" His voice came out strained and horrible, and his eyes were sore with tears that obscured his vision and fell down his face. When it dawned upon him that he could have been killed, a tight feeling clamped around his chest, a churning sickness burned in the back of his throat and he began shivering uncontrollably. Noiz could have been killed too, and it was all his fault. Shame and guilt twisted through him, like a knife being jammed into his gut, and slowly he raised his head, realising that Noiz hadn't spoken a word to him since saying his name. He must be furious with him.

Why wouldn't he be angry? Aoba had foolishly went out on his own at night, and got caught up in some mess, and then dragged Noiz into it too and almost gotten them both killed. Why was Noiz acting so calm? Why wasn't he saying anything? He reluctantly met Noiz's gaze, and was taken a back by the lack of anger, or even annoyance. Instead he seemed conflicted, his face a mixture of sadness and worry, his eyes tender yet somehow firm at the same time, like a hard outer shell concealing something soft and vulnerable within. "Aoba." he repeated softly, bringing his face closer to the blue haired man's. "I'm glad you're safe."

And then a sudden warmth embraced him, arms gingerly lacing around his back, pulling him closer and letting him cry quietly into Noiz's chest. Gentle hands ran through his hair and stroked his back to offer some form of comfort, and he pressed the side of his face into Noiz, fitting his head into the crook of his neck. He could hear the other man breathing softly above him, and the soothing hands that stroked him seemed to wash away some of the emotional tension that was wound up in his body, and slowly he ceased to shiver and sob.

When they finally separated, after what seemed like an eternity of being enveloped in each other's warmth, Noiz remained so close that Aoba could feel the heat of his breathe as he spoke, a soft warmth that swept over his skin for a brief moment. "You're okay." he said. He seemed to be reassuring himself more than anything. His pale green eyes were shining, tears slowly building up in the corners, but he quickly blinked them away and all the sadness in his gaze seemed to wash away in that instant, as though swept off by a great tide. His eyes sharpened, and suddenly he was staring at Aoba as though analyzing every detail of his face and committing it to memory. "You're bleeding." he said slowly, pushing himself to his feet. "I'll take care of it."

Noiz pulled Aoba up too, and carefully led him to the living room, with a tight grip around his arm. Aoba just let himself be dragged, he was too lost in a haze of exhaustion to care by this point. He numbly sat on the sofa, not quite sure what Noiz was doing when he came back a few moments later with a damp cloth, and began carefully dabbing his face with it. But the sharp pain that followed seemed to slice through his daze and he flinched, his face creasing up.

"S-sorry." Noiz said, pulling his hand away. "I'll try be more careful."

Aoba shook his head. "It hurts." he protested.

"I have to clean off the blood." he replied, feeling a little bit impatient. Aoba had stopped crying at least, but now he just seemed a little it out of it, like his mind was in another world altogether. It was understandable, he'd just been caught up in a potentially fatal incident, he didn't seem like he was as accustomed to fighting as Noiz was. But he still felt frustration tug at his insides. He'd never had to deal with something like this, and it was difficult for him. He didn't know how much or little pressure to apply, he wasn't used to treating others delicately like this, with care and consideration. He had dim memories of his mother doing the same for him when he was a child, wiping away blood from scrapes and bruises, her long slender fingers wrapped around a soft cloth as she tenderly cleaned his wounds. But it didn't matter how careful she was, because he couldn't feel it anyway. He used to wonder why she bothered to treat him with such care, as though he was a little glass doll who would shatter at the tiniest touch, but now he felt like he understood. It was the same way he was handling Aoba right now, as though his skin would start breaking under the smallest bit of pressure.

He had to carefully study Aoba's reactions, as well as watch his own trembling hand as he warily wiped the blood from Aoba's swollen face. For some reason, it placed an immense crushing pressure on him, as though the entire world had been dropped upon his shoulders, and one little misstep would cause it all to come crashing down. Maybe it had been the same for his mother too, who had so lovingly took care of her brute of a son.

Aoba whimpered softly at every touch of the wet cloth against his skin, his face creasing in pain, but he no longer tried to protest or pull away. It stung, as though his skin was being sliced with a thin blade, the pain shooting right into his nerves and making him feel sick. But he tightly shut his eyes and endured it. Noiz was being more thoughtful and caring than he ever could have imagined, trying his very best to look after Aoba. Despite the pain he was in, a warm feeling fluttered in his chest at the thought, a spark coming to life as a steady burning flame. Noiz cared for him, and that was enough to let him endure anything right now.

"Sorry." Noiz said softly, cleaning away the last of the dried blood. He truly felt it from the bottom of his heart. He was apologising for everything, for letting Aoba get hurt, and for every other time before that he had hurt him too. That constant guilt always seemed to linger, a dark pressure that stuck inside him, seemingly glued to the back of his mind. "I should probably clean that bruise too." He said, eyeing the ugly mark on Aoba's face with a hint of regret. It was his fault Aoba had ended up in such an awful state.

Aoba looked at him, and there was an uncertainty in his eyes, his expression troubled. With all the blood cleaned from his face, it was clear to Noiz how drained he look. He was paler than ever, which meant the huge bruise on his cheek emerged distinctly against his ashy skin, dark and bloody and swollen, forcing his eye to narrow a little. Something like that did not belong on the face of someone so perfect, yet he could not recall a time he'd been with Aoba when the other did not have a bruise on his face. That first night, that seemed almost an eternity ago, as though it happened in another life time, the idiot was so inebriated he'd fallen over and hit his face, but didn't seem to be bothered at all by it. And that mark had almost faded, becoming a yellowish blemish that blended into his skin. And now this. "I'll be back in a minute." he muttered, going to get a clean cloth. This one was now covered in blood, which had soaked into the damp material, dying it from a pale cream to a rusted red.

Once he returned, he sat next to Aoba on the sofa, and carefully held his chin with one of his hands, his index finger and thumb holding Aoba in place while he brushed the wet cloth over his cheek.

"I'm sorry." Aoba muttered weakly as Noiz drew the cloth away, after having carefully cleaned the bruise.

"Why?" he asked. His pale green eyes scanned Aoba's, searching for answers when Aoba didn't reply. There was a tension between them now, a thousand words and questions that seemed to hang in the air, unspoken and unanswered. "It's all my fault." Aoba finally said, his voice filled with quiet anguish.

"It isn't." Noiz stated firmly, feeling a rush of self disgust come over him. How could he have let this happen? And how could he let Aoba blame himself? "It was my fault." he said. "They went after you because of me."

"But...but I went out alone. I should have known better, I should have-"

"Stop." Noiz interrupted, his voice cracking. He couldn't listen to Aoba pour all the blame onto himself, it wasn't right, and each word that escaped the other man's lips seemed to spear through his heart, shredding it to pieces. He tried to speak, to say something reassuring, but when he opened his mouth nothing came out, and instead he felt the warmth of tears on his face and his vision rippled slightly. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried, but the sensation felt to surreal, like his mind and body were being clogged up with an inexplicable sadness that didn't belong to his own heart.

"Noiz..." Aoba said softly. Time seemed to stop for a moment, and the world around them had become completely still, like a stream of rushing water suddenly freezing over in midwinter. But Noiz's hand, still gently cupping his face, was warmer than anything he'd ever felt before, and his heart raced rapidly in his chest. He felt as though seeing Noiz cry in front of him was something so private and intimate he should look away, as though he was laid bare and naked before him. But at the same time, he was unable to avert his eyes. Shame coursed through him, and he pressed his face into the warmth of Noiz's palm. "Don't cry over me, Noiz." he said.

Noiz only stared, his pale eyes going wide as another wave of tears spilled out. He looked so young as he cried silently, now that his tough demeanor was gone and he was letting his true emotions leak out. Aoba felt as though he was seeing the real Noiz, with no hard outer shell, none of the cold front he seemed to wear like a shield, nor the distance he forced between himself and the rest of the world like a huge wall of ice. This was a part of who he really was emerging from where it had been buried deep beneath the surface, and for a crazy fleeting moment, Aoba thought he was beautiful.

"Stop it, idiot." Aoba scolded, bringing his face forward, pressing his lips to Noiz's in a gentle fleeting kiss, filled with reassurance. Damn him, he thought to himself as their lips touched softly. Damn him for worming his way under his skin. It was too late to stop himself now that he was falling.

Their kiss gradually deepened, Noiz's tongue slipping past his lips and lightly entwining with his own. Instantly, warm shivers ran through his body and he felt himself become excited. Noiz's arms wrapped around him and carefully pulled him closer, and he felt his heart race within his chest. Each rapid beat was conflicted with a strange mixture of both treachery and warmth. To feel this way about someone else so soon after breaking up with Koujaku wasn't right, and it made shame well within him. But at the same time, to have Noiz hold and kiss him like this felt undeniably good, easing him with a pleasant warmth that washed away all the heavy sorrow that had been building up within him. He couldn't tell if what he was doing was right or wrong, but it never crossed his mind that they should stop, despite the small flicker of fear that resided within him.

"Aoba." Noiz muttered breathlessly, pressing his lips against the side of Aoba's neck. Aoba jumped at the sensation.

"What?" he asked with a small groan, his eyes half closed.

"Get on top of me." he replied, a simple statement that made Aoba's face heat up.

"What?" he repeated, his eyes going wide in bewilderment.

"Like earlier."

"Why?" Aoba questioned warily.

"It was sexy." Noiz said, his smoldering green eyes and low voice making Aoba shudder. Noiz's arms suddenly tightened around him and he was pulled on top of him, letting out a small yelp of surprise. He moved around a little, easing himself onto Noiz's lap, leaning forward with his arms over Noiz's shoulder as he tried to recall their position earlier. It was hard to remember, since the whole night seemed to have rushed by in a fuzzy blur. He was sitting on his knees, straddling Noiz so close that lower halves were joined and their chests just touching. "Like this?" he asked, sparks of heat rushing to his cheeks.

"Yeah." Noiz said slowly, his hands lowering to Aoba's belt, his impatient fingers swiftly undoing the buckle and diving into Aoba's pants. He had no idea why Noiz had reacted so strongly to just kissing, but it seemed like he'd suddenly switched on, and as usual Aoba was letting himself get swept away in the heat of the moment. There was no fear now, only a tremble of excitement rushing through him, and slight embarrassment pouring into his cheeks.

"Ah!" he gasped as firm fingers clamped around his dick and drew it out from his underwear. Aoba instinctively reached down to bat Noiz's hand away, but instead he ended up clutching onto the materiel of Noiz's shirt, digging his fingers in and letting loose a small moan as his length was stroked.

"Your shirt." Noiz said, his free hand sliding under his top, slowly creeping over the hot skin of his lean chest, searching for the hard protrusions. "It's in the way." he muttered, rolling one of Aoba's nipples between his fingers. Aoba's spine tingled as though electricity was being shot through it.

"Take if off." he demanded, pinching the nub. Aoba let out a little gasp, and then nodded his head swiftly. His penis was already half hard in Noiz's grip, and he gave it a steady stroke as Aoba, with trembling arms, reached down and pulled up his shirt, lifting it over his head and casting is aside. As he did so, he raised his body on his knees just slightly, giving Noiz the chance to pull his pants and underwear down a little, sliding them over his hips. "W-wha-" Aoba began speaking, but cut himself off with a sharp moan when Noiz circled his thumb over the swollen head of his dick, at the same time leaning forward and gently kissing his chest.

"You're so cute, Aoba." Noiz muttered, running his tongue over one of the soft pink nipples. Aoba squirmed against him, and the weight pressed against his own area, a jolt of pleasure running through him. Beneath the restraints of his clothes, he was already getting a little hard, his dick raising its head. He fumbled a little, clumsily trying to unzip his jeans and pull it out, with only one hand to spare. As soon as his fingers brushed it, fire pooled in his groin, and he pulled it out in the open, only half as hard as Aoba's stiff erection. He craved release as much he wanted to hear Aoba's aroused voice. With that thought in his head, he gripped both their shafts in his hand and initially began caressing at a steady pace, gradually speeding up, his strokes becoming rougher. He could feel a hot sweetness between his legs now, building up like a fire spreading in his hips, bringing himself to full arousal, spurred on by Aoba's moans. With his mouth and tongue, he began sucking and kissing Aoba's chest. It was hot and sweet, damp with sweat and saliva, as he rolled his tongue over his pale, milky skin. His free hand slid down to Aoba's behind, finding its way to his anus. He circled his index finger at the entrance and then slowly slipped it in, satisfied when Aoba's entire body jolted and he let out a little squeak.

His finger seemed to be swallowed whole as he rubbed against Aoba's inner walls, the blue haired man leaning forward and raising his behind slightly to give Noiz better access. Aoba's body quickly relaxed, used to this sort of treatment, and soon enough he was moaning, moving his trembling body slightly to work with Noiz's advancing fingers. "More..." he uttered breathlessly into Noiz's ear. "I want more." he pleaded, his face and body flushed and sweaty, his eyes alight with lust when he spoke. Noiz couldn't help but smile as excitement rushed through him, like fire in his veins, shooting toward his area. He removed his fingers. Without missing a heartbeat, Aoba raised himself on his knees, placed one hand on each of Noiz's shoulders, and moved to align his entrance with Noiz's cock. Noiz moved both his hands to his hips, guiding him as he lowered himself down, his asshole consuming Noiz's entire length.

Noiz let out a satisfied groan as he was gradually eaten up, all the way to the base. Aoba's face was bright red and twisted into a look of pleasure "More..." he said lowly, leaning into Noiz and gently rocking his hips. Noiz's breathe caught in his lungs and he gasped at the sudden stimulation, inadvertently bucking his hips up into Aoba, who let out a loud, sharp moan, his fingers biting into Noiz's shoulder. Aoba began moving himself on his knees, his fingers digging into Noiz's shoulders as he used his own weight, his penis rubbing against Noiz's stomach. Noiz lowered his hands to Aoba's ass, his fingers grabbing onto the cheeks, caressing the soft flesh. "Doesn't it feel better this way?" he asked Aoba with a soft grunt.

"F-feels good." Aoba gasped, his voice shaking.

When having sex before, Noiz focused more on himself and his own pleasure, rather than Aoba's needs. But now he wanted to make the blue haired man feel good, and he got a certain thrill from seeing him react, which rushed through him like hot bliss and added to the intense pleasure he already felt. He loved the way Aoba quivered on top of him, how he clutched onto Noiz as though his life depended on it, and the erotic face he pulled while he was being pleasured, his eyes shut tightly, his eyebrows raised, his mouth open a little as he let out sweet noises. Sometime's he would even bite his lip in a futile attempt and stop any sounds from escaping, and it was unbelievably sexy. But out of everything, he loved Aoba's seductive voice, how it raised to a higher pitch than normal when he was lost in pleasure, how he groaned and gasped and cried out. Noiz thrust into him too, a sweet numbness spreading between his legs, the stimulation building up in his cock.

Aoba had had sex with Noiz before. He didn't know how much of it Noiz remembered, but to him it was just scattered memories, torn fragments swirling around like a haze in his mind. He could recall Noiz's touch, and the burning pleasure, but barely anything of the act itself. This was different. Even though his mind was on fire and his chest felt so constricted he could barely breathe, the world around them seemed to fade away into nothingness until the only thing he could focus on was Noiz. He closed his eyes tightly, his face warping into an expression of ecstasy, and he could feel nothing but Noiz, inside him, surrounding him, holding him. Every second seemed to draw itself out into an eternity, and every movement, every kiss, every touch burned itself into his mind, engraved into his memory like names and hearts carved into tree bark, written like secrets in the dark. He would remember this, he could never forget. "N-noiz" he gasped as he was overcome with an intense wave of pleasure, tearing through his body like fire. He clung onto the other man as though letting go would mean his death, and release poured from him as he tried to gasp in air. Noiz pounded into him one last time, and with a suppressed groan he came too, his hot breathe in Aoba's ear.

Aoba fell forward, his faced flushed and sweating as he pressed it into Noiz's shoulder, taking deep shuddering breaths. His arms were wrapped tightly around Noiz's neck, and their bodies were pressed together. Noiz hadn't removed his shirt, but Aoba could feel the rapid rise and fall lightly muscled chest, the heat of his skin seeping through his clothes and his racing heart beneath. Caught in a strange feeling of exhaustion and bliss, he thought for a moment that he wouldn't mind sitting forever, glued together with Noiz like this, their bodies still joined. Noiz leaned back into the sofa, and pulled Aoba into him with a small sigh and began softy running his fingers through Aoba's hair. A weary ache began to creep into his muscles and joints, and he vaguely recalled that he was injured in some places, but none of that mattered right now, because he was being held by Noiz, enveloped in the warmth of his body.

Slowly sleep washed over him in waves, and he drifted off to the flutter of Noiz's heart, the sound of his soft breathing, the rhythmical stroking of his fingers through his hair.

When he awoke, he found himself in Noiz's bed, cradled against the other man's chest as he slept. His body felt drained and heavy, and he was boiling in his own sweat, but he had no desire to move or pull away. Instead in the darkness and silence, he began studying Noiz's soft sleeping face, so close to his own. The shadows of the night obscured his features, but his face seemed so relaxed and unguarded, framed by a scruffy mess of pale blonde hair, and it took years off from his age. He still wore his piercings, even in bed, the metal studs gleaming like distant stars around his nose, lips and eyebrow.

Noiz seemed like the kind of person who had encased his heart in an armour of stone, but really beneath that he was a lot softer than he let on. It reminded Aoba of a long time ago, of a person he used to be. It was a time after Koujaku had returned to the mainland, so he had no one to look up to, no one to guide him. He was always putting on a brave face and acting tough, trying so hard to stand up tall and lash out against the world that was collapsing upon him, always causing trouble for others, always getting into fights and being a little shit. Because it was easier to be angry and bitter than to admit that really he was hurting, crying all alone because he felt rejected and scorned, abandoned by the parents who he loved and the best friend who had looked after him. Although it didn't seem it at the time, those were the worst days of Aoba's life. But he felt deep down that Noiz was the same way right now, and maybe that's why he found himself so drawn to him.

So he watched him sleep, with a certain tenderness in his gaze. Until the other man shifted, and his eyes slowly fluttered open. "Aoba...?" he murmured softly, his sleepy eyes squinting through the darkness at Aoba's face. "Who else?" Aoba replied quietly. He was suddenly very aware of Noiz's arms around him, and he blushed a little. They were pressed so close together, it felt as though they were practically joined. "Good..." the other man said tiredly. "I was worried you'd be gone again." He pulled him closer, tucking Aoba's head under the crook of his neck, his hand carefully rested on the back of his head. For some reason it didn't hurt, even though his hair was being touched right now. It just sent light shivers through his body, and he trembled a little, as though he was cold.

There was a sort of sadness, maybe even a loneliness in Noiz's voice as he spoke, and it struck a little bolt of guilt into Aoba's heart. When he'd disappeared earlier, perhaps Noiz was worried he'd been abandoned. The idea seemed to make his chest hurt with a dull pressure. "I'm still here." he managed to say.

"That's good." Noiz replied tiredly, planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. There was a moment of quiet, when Aoba could hear nothing but Noiz's soft breathing, and then the other man spoke. "I'm happy right now, Aoba." he said quietly. "Can we do something tomorrow?" he asked.

Aoba raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"A date." Noiz said drowsily.

"What?" Aoba repeated.

"Let's go on a date." He sounded really tired, and a little out of it. It might have just been post sex talk, or that he wasn't awake enough to understand what he was saying, but a small smile tugged at Aoba's lips when he heard Noiz's request, and he couldn't help but accept. "Hmm. Sure." he replied, snuggling into the other man.


	17. A Day of Disaster

Mizuki had seen that telltale look in someone's eyes before. That look as though they were staring into a pit of darkness, as though some great sorrow had ate away their soul and left them so empty that they could no longer feel anything but pain. Koujaku's eyes had appeared the same way last night, as though all the life had bled from them, transforming them from ruby red to dull crimson. His decision to follow his friend home had proved to be the right choice. It was painful to admit but after talking to Koujaku in the bar, it hadn't really come as a surprise when he found him sitting on the floor of his kitchen, dazed and bleeding as all the colour drained from his face. After all it wasn't much different from an old teammate whose girlfriend had died. He'd had the exact same look in his eyes before he went home and hung himself in his bedroom.

Now Mizuki sat on a chair next to one of his best friends, who lay quietly in a hospital bed with a clean bandage wrapped around his arm. He'd been awake all night, unwilling to leave his friend's side, and as a result his eyes lids were heavy, occasionally trying to close of their own accord, and his body was worn down with fatigue. But it didn't matter, because right now Koujaku needed him. Koujaku had asked for Aoba multiple times, but after several attempts to call him it was clear the idiot wasn't answering his coil, which was causing them both to grow increasingly worried about the blue haired man.

"Mizuki." Koujaku said, his voice breaking what seemed like an eternity of silence.

"What?" Mizuki answered, drowsily lifting his head to the sound of his name.

"Have you heard from Aoba yet?" He shifted nervously in the bed, his voice catching slightly.

"No. Sorry." he answered. "But I'm sure he'll call back soon."

"Sorry to make you call. He probably won't pick up if it's me..." he said slowly, almost sounding as though he were in psychical pain just from speaking.

"Why? I don't get it..." Mizuki answered, his frustration at the whole situation building. How wondered how those two falling out could have lead to all this. Koujaku was one of the strongest people he had ever known, both mentally and psychically. He could smile his way through any situation, brush off any amount of pain as though it was nothing. So why did it come to this? Was it maybe that Mizuki had been wrong about the man he sat next to all along. Was it maybe, that Koujaku was weak and that being with Aoba had kept him strong? And now without his boyfriend, he'd fallen apart? Nothing really made sense anymore, and he just wished Aoba would pick up his damn coil already.

"I hurt him." Koujaku said, his trembling voice piercing through Mizuki's train of thought.

"He hurt you too." Mizuki reasoned, trying to comfort his friend.

"Not the way I hurt him." he said with finality, his tone implying there was no room for an argument.

Mizuki let out a tired sigh, giving up for the moment. He felt really tense, and the tiredness from a sleepless night was filling him with a gnawing aggravation.

Koujaku went silent for a while, seeming a little hesitant before speaking again. "I know I have no right to ask, but if he doesn't call soon, could you go and look for him?"

"Sure." Mizuki replied. "Just...let me rest for a while."

Noiz awoke to something that sounded like a sharp cry and instantly he bolted up, his eyes shooting open and his nerves jumping. He glanced over, seeing that the space beside him in the bed was empty, and for a moment the sight made a strange uneasy pressure build in the pit of his stomach. The covers were folded over and disheveled, as though Aoba had dragged himself out of bed in a hurry. He swung his tired gaze around the dull room, panicking for a brief moment when it suddenly hit him that the blue haired moron was nowhere to be seen. Then a shadow loomed by the doorway, and it slowly began to creak open, the pale oval of Aoba's face peering in, made visible by the early morning sunlight that cast a dim grey glow through out the bedroom.

"Sorry if I woke you, but I really have to go." He hissed urgently after seeing Noiz was awake. He made his way across the room with quick strides, scooping up his bag from where it sat by the bed. He was in some sort of alarmed state, looking pretty stressed out as he rushed around the room, grabbing his things. His hair was un-brushed and dripping wet, tangled around his face in a blue mess as though he'd just washed it, and his clothes were in disarray as though he'd shoved them on without paying any attention to what he was doing. Although the state they were in could be due to their little activity last night. "Aoba?" Noiz asked calmly, regarding the other man with a mixture of amusement and worry. "What's up?"

"The shop is closed on Sundays, but I've been called in to help with stock taking." he said, the words quickly flooding from his mouth as though the faster he spoke, the faster he could leave. "So I have to go. Like, ten minutes ago."

"Oh..." Noiz tried to hide his disappointment as he spoke. He had really been looking forward to spending the day with Aoba, but now his plans were falling apart in front of him and he had to admit it hurt a little. "What about our date?" he asked quietly, feeling a dull pressure in his chest.

"Date?" Aoba echoed, shooting him an incredulous look. "What date?"

Noiz shrank back into the bed, feeling as though he was a tiny bug staring up at the massive shoe that was about to crush him. "You forgot?"

"You mentioned it last night, but I didn't think you were serious!" Aoba protested, seeming increasingly agitated with each passing moment. "Look, I don't have time for this. I should be finished by lunch. We'll figure something out, okay?" he said, although without much conviction.

"Really?" Noiz asked hopefully. His pale eyes lit up as though they were infused with sunlight, and he reminded Aoba a little of a child, staring in wide eyed wonder at a toy his parents had just promised to buy for him. He had no idea that the words they had uttered, half asleep in bed last night, actually held so much meaning to him and he felt a strange mixture of bewildered joy flare up in him. "Yes. I'll call you when I'm finished." he said, feeling a little more confident in the idea.

"Are you feeling okay today, Aoba?" Noiz asked after a moment, his concerned eyes scanning over Aoba's bruised face, who frowned back at him.

"Why would I not be okay?" he replied, his voice shaking slightly.

"Aoba..." Noiz said slowly, contemplating his words carefully. "Last night, a lot happened. You were hurt. I'm worried."

"You were hurt too." Aoba snapped, more harshly than he meant to. He really was in a hurry to leave, and the last thing he wanted was to be reminded of the attack last night. Right now, it just seemed vague and distant, like something that had happened in another life, to someone else. Even what he'd done with Noiz still seemed like a blur. The only thing that reminded him it was all real was the dull ache resonating through his body, and he'd much rather it stayed like a dream so he could just forget all about it.

Noiz sighed. "You know it's not the same for me." He said, his eyes not quite meeting Aoba's. Aoba felt bitter rage spark in him, but more than that he felt sadness. It was heartbreaking to hear Noiz talk about himself like that, like his wounds didn't matter at all. "Just because you can't feel pain, doesn't mean you can't get hurt." he said firmly. "Believe it or not, I worry about you too."

"Aoba." Noiz muttered quietly, his eyes wavering apologetically.

"Don't look all sorry for yourself. It's doesn't suit you." Aoba said, softly this time, and after a moment of hesitation, he darted over to where Noiz sat on the bed and leaned down to gingerly plant a kiss on his forehead. It was just a quick brush of his lips, no more than a second, but he felt Noiz softly sigh under the touch, his tense body relaxing a little. Their eyes met and for just a moment they stared at each other, questioning green eyes meeting his warm hazel gaze, before Aoba suddenly remembered he had to be at the shop. "Oh shit, better go!" he said, darting from the room without glancing back, a slight heat pouring into his cheeks. He had no idea why he'd kissed Noiz like that, he'd just acted on some strange impulse.

He couldn't stop thinking about how Noiz had looked at him with wide eyes as he quickly walked to work. Noiz's eyes usually seemed to be on him, that constant gaze following him around the room like he was the only light in a world as dark as the night. At first it unnerved him, seeming to prick into his skin like needles. But now it put him at ease for some reason, it felt like the blond man had his back.

Stock taking was the most monotonous part of his job, but he got paid overtime for it so he couldn't complain. It was also very repetitive and easy, so it gave him lots of time to think about things. He mulled over the idea of a date with Noiz as he packed the ninety eight parts he'd just counted back into their storage box. He hadn't been on anything like a date in a long time, and the more he thought of it, the more it ate away at his nerves. His life had been turned completely upside down for a while, and for endless weeks he was lost in despair and unable to feel like himself, so of course nice things like his relationship and dates were not at the forefront of his mind.

And then there was the issue of how good an idea it really was. He needed to sort out his feelings, his head and heart were in disarray, a swirl of confusion and emotions running wild. Maybe it wasn't so good to encourage Noiz and lead him on when right now he didn't have any intentions of taking things further beyond whatever they were now. He wasn't sure how he felt about Noiz anymore, his heart seemed to constantly flip flop on the subject, and his head was too much of a mess to be of any help at all. All things considered, it was probably too late to turn back, but he was worried that if he got any more involved with Noiz than he already was, it was sure to end in disaster.

But at the same time, one little date wouldn't hurt. They'd just go out and eat together or something, it was hardly a big deal. He felt so stupid worrying over such trivial things. It was like last night never happened, the attacks, the sex, none of it, because he was so caught up troubling himself over some stupid little date. His body still ached all over from everything that had happened, reminding him that it hadn't all been some ridiculously terrifying dream. He was glad he had something to do today, something to take his mind off of it, because he was worried he might break down otherwise.

He had no idea how he was managing to hold himself together so well. Anyone else would be scared out of their wits, or at least too afraid to leave the house after going through what he had went through. Although he was shaken, and still felt sick just thinking about it, other than that he felt just...okay. Maybe it was because he used to get in fights all the time when he was younger, that somehow he just learned how to deal with the shock of being attacked and move on. He didn't really know for sure, but he was glad that he wasn't falling apart, whatever the reason may be.

"Aoba?" Haga's voice called his name, and he turned to see his boss standing on the other side of the room. "Are you listening?"

Aoba blinked. "What?" He had been so lost in though he hadn't even heard Haga say anything, so those words came as a bit of a shock.

"I was just saying that we're pretty much done, so you can go now if you like."

He only nodded in reply.

"You've been a little spaced out all day. Is everything alright?" Haga asked with his usual kind smile.

"I'm fine. Sorry."

"Your face is bruised again." The older man pointed out, gesturing toward Aoba's sore cheek.

"Yeah...I fell." he lied, hoping it wouldn't raise too much suspicion. He didn't want anyone else to know about what happened last night. Any of it.

Haga frowned "Okay. Well be more careful." he said after a moment, his tone vaguely doubtful.

He didn't seem fully convinced by Aoba's lie, but he didn't press to know more either and dropped the subject. Aoba helped his boss close up the shop, feeling enclosed by the uncomfortable silence between them. They'd usually at least engage in friendly chatter when working together, so he thought perhaps Haga was angry at him, and began worrying about how obvious his lie was, trying not to let it gnaw away at him. After everything was finished, they said an awkward goodbye, and he was about to call Noiz and discuss their plans for the day. But before he'd even had the chance to turn on his coil, he discovered with a little shock that the blonde was already there, standing out in the street and waiting patiently for him.

"Don't do that, it's creepy." Aoba scolded, glaring at him. His eyes quickly ran over Noiz, and he was strangely happy to see that for once the guy had put some effort into his appearance, if only a little. His short hair, which was usually a scruffy blonde mess, was now somewhat neater and more aligned, as though he'd ran a comb through it for once. And he was wearing a white button up shirt, although it wasn't done all the way up, and was loose at the collar, just enough to show a hint of his collar bone beneath it. He wore plain jeans and shoes, a pretty ordinary outfit for Noiz, but Aoba couldn't help but admire this look. He was somewhat cuter than usual, he thought.

"Do what?" Noiz asked, as casual as ever. Then he smiled, ever so slightly, and took Aoba's hand in his own, entwining their fingers. "I just didn't want to waste any time."

As usual, the blonde knew exactly what he had done to annoy him, but he just brushed off his concerns by acting clueless about it, in that irritating yet charming manner he seemed to do everything. Aoba sighed, seeing no point in trying to explain himself to someone who never listened anyway. "So, what's the plan for today?" he asked, glancing down at their linked hands.

"Lunch? A romantic walk? Hot sex?" Noiz's eyes lit up alarmingly as he spoke the last suggestion, and Aoba's felt his face heat up, a blush painted on his cheeks.

"N-Noiz!" he sputtered, scowling at the blonde.

"What?" he smirked, shrugging in his usual carefree way. "I just like it when you get flustered" he said, bringing his face dangerously close to Aoba's, their lips almost touching. Aoba felt his face heat up even more, and pulled away. "Let's just go." he said, feeling a little jittery. Noiz quickly pressed his lips against Aoba's forehead, and drew away with a small smirk. "For this morning." he said, and then they began walking, Aoba in embarrassed silence as Noiz led the way.

They did go for lunch, and to Aoba's surprise they didn't have something like the usual pizza or pasta, but rather visited a sushi bar. Aoba offered to pay for his meal, but after some disagreement, Noiz ended up covering it. At first he'd been a little nervous about the fact it was a date, but Noiz was just so laid back about the whole thing that it seemed to ease his nerves. It was odd, being worried about a first date with someone he'd already slept with. Twice. But dating just wasn't something he'd done with anyone other than Koujaku. He'd fooled around with people before when he was younger, but never actually taken any of them seriously. He wondered if his concern meant he was starting to think of Noiz more seriously. As much as he tried to convince himself it was just a fling, and he was using the guy as a rebound, deep down he knew his real feelings were a little different. And his awareness of how Noiz felt about him didn't help, either.

"Aoba?" Noiz's voice snapped him from his thoughts and he turned to look at the blonde.

"What?" he responded.

Noiz regarded him with those cool green eyes, slightly narrowed in suspicion. "You keep spacing out." he said.

It was true. Aoba had been a little zoned out at work today too, and a couple of times during his lunch with Noiz, he hadn't heard what the other was saying to him because his mind was wandering. His thoughts seemed to race through his head, weighing down upon him like a heavy pressure, and sometimes he just got lost in them. There was so much going on, so much on his mind recently. "I'm sorry." he said tiredly. The day felt a lot longer than it had really been. They had indeed went for a walk after lunch, and were just about to begin heading back. It was only a little passed four, but Aoba could already feel the exhaustion of sleep draining away his energy, and he was ready to just go to bed and call it a day. He was a little worried at the tiredness wearing away at him, but he figured it was due to everything that took place the night before.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to sit for a while." Noiz said after a moment, gesturing toward a nearby bench. Aoba wanted to get back, but at the same time his legs were aching slightly from walking for too long, and exhaustion pressed down on upon him like a weight in his bones. "Sure." he said tiredly, being led over. As soon as he sat with Noiz closely next to him, he felt some of the pressure relax, and let out a small sigh. He really had needed to just get off his feet for a bit.

"You look to tired." Noiz remarked thoughtfully.

"I am." Aoba replied, rubbing at his eyes. "A lot happened."

"Yeah." Noiz said, his voice suddenly going quiet. "I'm sorry."

Aoba looked at him in confusion. "What? Why?"

"It was my fault." Noiz answered, his gaze dropping. "You got hurt because of me."

Aoba frowned, and then suddenly felt a terrible guilt twist twist through him like a blade. "What!? No. I was the one that was wondering around in the middle of the night." he protested. "All that crap is on me, all of it. Besides, you were the one that saved me, right?"

"I put you in danger. They targeted you because of me. You should blame me."

Aoba sighed deeply, sensing that this discussion was going nowhere, a feeling of de-ja vu creeping upon him. "Let's just blame them." he said with a weak smile. They were both blaming themselves for what happened. But honestly they were both entirely blameless, at the end they were both victims of an attack, and the attackers were the ones responsible.

Noiz nodded in agreement, but didn't seem too convinced. "Sure." he said, a small smile tugging at his lips. And then he raised his hand, and carefully traced Aoba's jaw with his fingers. "Noiz...What-?" his voice was swallowed up by Noiz's lips before he could finish his question, and they began kissing lightly and smoothly, Noiz's hands gently cupping his face. His lips were soft, and his fingers warm, and for a moment that warmth seemed to seep into Aoba's skin, spread through his veins like a glowing light. "Noiz." he said breathlessly after he eventually pulled away. "We're outside. There's people." his voice was low with embarrassment, and he couldn't meet Noiz's heated gaze. "Let's go back then." he replied, smiling suggestively. Aoba suddenly remembered what Noiz had said earlier, outside of the shop. ' _Lunch? A romantic walk? Hot sex?'_

They had already done the first two.

He felt his face blaze up, and lowered his eyes. "Perverted brat." he muttered. He wasn't going to let Noiz have his way this time. "I'm too tired..."

"Too tired for what?" Noiz asked, his eyes narrowing, his voice rising in a teasing manner.

"You know..."

"No one mentioned anything like that." Noiz said, his voice low.

"You did, earlier!" Aoba snapped, trying to conceal his embarrassment.

"You thought of it just now." he replied, with a soft chuckle.

Aoba glared at the blond, speechless, his face going bright red. Sometimes he didn't know what to say to him, and was left feeling annoyed and speechless. Noiz leaned forward and kissed him again, before getting to his feet and pulling Aoba up after him. "Let's go." he said, as Aoba wordlessly followed him, too abashed to respond.

"Aoba!" a deep familiar voice called out after them, and Aoba let go of Noiz's hand, spinning around to see Mizuki. A shock ran through him, and he lowered his gaze, shame stinging his face. Mizuki had seem them kiss, there was no doubt. Would he think badly of Aoba now, to be with someone like that so soon after things with Koujaku had fallen apart?

But his old friend hurried toward him, barely even sparing a glance toward Noiz. "I finally found you!" he said, his voice heavy with worry, his green eyes shadowed with concern. Aoba instantly felt uneasy. "Is something wrong?" he asked, his nerves twisting inside him.

"Koujaku...he's in the hospital."

Aoba just stared in bewildered silence, his whole body feeling heavy. Koujaku was in hospital? What? Why? A thousand questions whirled through his racing mind, but he couldn't find a voice to ask them with.

"Aoba...did you hear me?" Mizuki voice was muffled, as though water was rushing into his ears and distorting all sound. He thought he heard Noiz snort.

Aoba nodded dumbly, feeling a little detached from reality, as though he was floating, or perhaps falling. The world around him seemed to spin, and the ground felt like water rippling beneath his feet rather than solid Earth. An odd, whirling dizziness rushed through his head and a curtain of numbness descending upon him. All he could think about was when he found out his Granny was in hospital, how she'd become ill, how he'd sat by her side and watched her slowly wither away like the dying flowers that had been placed in her room. And by her grave. He imagined the same happening to Koujaku, his dark hair becoming dull, his eyes becoming lifeless, his body becoming so small and frail, like he was so delicate he'd break at any moment. His name etched into a stone, stuck into the Earth where his body lay beneath.

"He's okay." Mizuki said, placing a hand on his shoulder, his voice breaking through the haziness and dragging him back to reality. His vision finally focused on the man in front of him, those soft green eyes meeting his own. "He just wants to see you. Will you come?"

Aoba nodded again, unable to speak.

"Aoba." Noiz called from behind him, and he turned to see icy green eyes trained on him. Noiz's voice was cold as he spoke. "Why are you going to see that bastard?" he spat.

"That's my best friend you're talking about." Mizuki retorted, anger flaring in his voice.

Noiz ignored the other man's comment, his sharp eyes still on Aoba. "Remember what he did to you." he said, spitting the words out.

Aoba took a deep breathe, his lips trembling. "I know...but I have to go."

"If you go, don't bother coming back." Noiz' voice was almost a growl, and those words stung more than he thought they would.

"I'm sorry, Noiz." he replied quietly, turning away to hide his tears. He just had to make sure Koujaku was okay, despite everything that had happened to each other, and all the ways they had hurt and wronged one and other, he couldn't turn his back on him. He hoped he could get Noiz to understand, despite how stubborn he could be. For some reason, he didn't want to lose him either.


	18. Where You Left Me

Noiz watched that slender as it back turned to him, that long blue hair like strands of the ocean fluttering softy in the cool and steady breeze. He couldn't see the other man with the dark red hair, his fogged mind wouldn't allow him to think about him, to ask any questions of who he was or why he was there. Everything besides Aoba didn't matter, the world around him had blurred out of focus like he was staring down a faulty camera lens, for all he cared it could all just melt away into darkness and he wouldn't bat an eyelid. Because all he could see was the blue haired man walking away from him.

For a moment his mind drifted far away, to someone else, somewhere else, a long time ago. Visions of the past were pulled from deep inside him and thrust to the front of his mind against his will. A memory he didn't want to remember, so he buried it along with everything else that had caused him pain.

 _A tall slender woman, blurred and obscured by dazzling bright lights that pierced painfully into his eyes_. _Her_ _long blonde hair was tied back in a loose and messy bun, wisps of hair a shade or two lighter than his own escaping over her angular face in small curls. Light eyes piercing into him coldly, condescendingly, thin red lips drawn into a frown. Then her back was turned to him, and she was walking away, each clack of her dark heels like a nail being hammered into his heart. And the light was gone and there was a closed door standing between them like a wall of iron. "This is what's best for you." her voice echoed in the back of his head, bitter like poison, like she was talking to some evil beast. "You need to learn, my son."_

 _'I will learn' he had wanted to scream, 'Don't leave me alone'_

When Aoba glanced back at him with shining eyes, Noiz looked away, his clenched fists trembling by his side. He hadn't meant what he had said to Aoba, those words uttered in his desperation and rage.

' _If you go, don't bother coming back.'_

A tight pressure clamped around his chest and he felt sick as he recalled how awful they tasted in his mouth. He had only wanted to make him stay, yet instead he'd driven him away once more. What did Aoba see in him? How could someone so kind and perfect stand to be around someone so cruel and worthless? Maybe it was for the best, maybe this was his punishment for selfishly dreaming of a life he didn't deserve with a man he didn't deserve. He should just go back to rotting alone in the dark, forgotten and unloved by the world. That way he couldn't hurt anyone else, he couldn't break the only person he had ever cared about.

But he didn't want to be alone again, not now that he'd tasted what it was like to live in a world filled with someone else. He was selfish and greedy and he wanted more.

"Aoba" he called after him, his voice coming out thin and hoarse. Aoba stopped where he stood, and turned slightly. Even though he was a good distance away now, Noiz could see that his eyes were heavy with a sadness that somehow reflected on his face and body, in the way he moved as he turned, as though all life had been drained from him. "What?" he called back, seemingly ignorant to the red head's protests at his response.

"I didn't mean it." Noiz replied.

"I know." he smiled at Noiz, a sad and weary smile.

There wasn't anything else to be said, but he hoped his words were enough.

Koujaku waited patiently in the small hospital room, his eyes barely blinking as he stared at the worn down door. He was painfully aware of the empty chairs by the side of his bed, that seemed to just thrust the dagger of loneliness deeper into his heart. The hospital room was silent, so silent it was deafening, and he fought the urge to scream just so there was something to fill the empty space around him. The bed covers seemed to hold him down, curling around him tightly like he was entangled in the threads of a spider's web. Or maybe he just didn't have the will, the strength to stand up. He had never felt so alone, so wrapped up in a sheet of solitude as he did now. It was as though he'd been cut off from the rest of the world, that this little room was now the only place that existed, and everything beyond it was gone.

He looked away from the door for a moment, only to scowl at the bandages that entwined his arm, uncomfortable and heavy and tight. How could he have done something so stupid? How could he have thought that even for a moment ending his life was the answer to anything. He'd be leaving Aoba behind, Aoba whose smile always gave him a spark of hope, even in the darkest despair, whose words were like a softly lit beacon in the middle of the night, guiding him to the shore. Whose touch was the only thing that made him feel alive, like fire was jumping beneath his skin.

Aoba who, like himself, had lost everything, and fallen into his own little world of darkness, who'd watched his grandmother buried beneath the ground and been pushed over the edge once more. Who had become someone filled with bitterness and anger, sadness and grief, who hurt him and cast him aside like he was nothing more than a pile of dirt. And someone who he had hurt too, in more ways than one, more shamefully than he could bare to think of.

Aoba who, while he was looking away for a moment, lost in thought, had walked through that worn out door, suddenly filling the silence with his soft, nervous breathing, the empty space with his small yet unwavering presence. Koujaku didn't feel so alone any more, only a crushing feeling that weighed down his stomach like lead, as he glanced up at the only man he had ever loved.

"Aoba." he didn't even realise he was speaking, the name seemed to escape from his mouth quietly, like smoke from a cigar.

Hazel eyes met his, somehow duller and weaker than he recalled, as though the light inside of them had begun to flicker out. His hair fell over his worn out face, and he threw himself into one of the chairs, slumping over tiredly. "Is this my fault?" he muttered quietly, staring at the clean white bandages wrapped around Koujaku's arm. Just the sight of them made him feel ill, and he swallowed the bile that stung the back of his throat. "Did I drive you to do this?"

Mizuki had explained on the way what had happened, his voice grim and tired. The words took a while to settle, to really hit him, and by the time he sat down across from Koujaku, he felt a sickness twist through his stomach, a guilt so powerful he could psychically feel it writhing in his body. Koujaku had tried to end his own life, and it was all because of him.

"It wasn't because of you." he protested weakly. "I was drunk and upset, I did something stupid, but it wasn't because of you."

Aoba dug his fingers into the material of his jeans, feeling warm tears spill over his cheeks and roll down his face like small streams. He took a deep, rattling breathe before he spoke again. "If I didn't fuck everything up, if I didn't drive you away from me and ruin our whole lives, you wouldn't be here. So don't lie to me and say this isn't my fault." he said, the words pouring from his mouth between sniffs and sobs. He understood now, how selfish and ignorant he'd been. While he was grieving the loss of his Granny, he had acted like he was the only one that was hurting, the only one whose life had been torn apart, whose heart had been shattered to pieces. But Koujaku was grieving too, Koujaku had lost his Granny too. Koujaku whose only family was him and his brothers and Tae, Koujaku who had lost his real family once before, in a tragedy he'd only ever spoken of to Aoba and no one else. He had carried that weight with him, like an anchor in his heart, and it must have become heavier still when Gran had passed away too.

Yet Aoba had been inconsiderate, thinking only of how he could heal his own pain, and instead of sharing their grief, he had gone off the rails and tore them apart and just ended up creating more, like a fool stumbling around in the darkness, knocking things over because he was unable to see. He cursed himself, letting tears fall from his eyes in a bitter flow as he sobbed. "I'm sorry." he kept saying, repeating it over and over until the words seemed to have lost all meaning to him. No wonder Koujaku had shouted at him, no wonder Koujaku had hurt him, lashed out at him, held him down. He deserved it all, he deserved it all and far worse.

A hand reached out, gently patting his head. "Aoba." Koujaku said softly, and he could almost feel that kind gaze on him, as warm and steady as ever. He looked up, wiping his eyes, and was pulled, falling forward into Koujaku's embrace. He leaned over the bed, still in his seat, with his head pressed against Koujaku's chest, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat beneath the warm skin of his muscular chest. He could feel it, a soft thumping against the side of his face, alive and strong. Hands gently ran through his hair, finger tips carefully separating the strands with such care that it just barely tingled. He had missed this so much, missed that soft touch that knew exactly how much strength to use so that it wouldn't hurt but instead relax him. Koujaku knew everything about him, every inch of his body, every secret he had ever held at the bottom of his heart, every face he made and what it meant, every reason that he could laugh or smile, the things that could make him cry. To have someone know him that thoroughly and intimately was both terrifying and reassuring, it made him feel both strong and vulnerable, like an open book waiting to be read, trusting that the reader would never tear the pages out.

He lost himself for a few moments, unwinding beneath that soothing touch, his mind automatically slipping back to the way it used to be, when being with Koujaku like this was as familiar as breathing. He gently closed his eyes, letting the warmth encase him like a soft blanket, remembering those lazy days when they would lie in bed together, just to hold each other close and talk about nothing that really mattered, or lie in the silence of each other's presence. Those stressful nights when he couldn't sleep, so Koujaku would wrap him up in his arms and reassuringly stroke his hair until he drifted off. He missed it all so much, it was as though some part of his soul was missing too, some great blade had cleaved his heart in half. He knew it wasn't possible for there to be any more days like that, and that made it hurt all the more.

He opened his eyes and pulled away from Koujaku, whose fingers were still sifting through his hair and slightly pulled at it when he suddenly moved. A sharp sting ran through his head, and he inhaled sharply.

"Sorry." Koujaku said quietly, his hand falling limply to his side. "I didn't mean-"

"Its fine" Aoba said quickly, cutting him off. "It was my fault anyway."

"Aoba..." he began to respond, seeming to hesitate over what to say next, his deep red eyes wide and gleaming. "If you no longer want to be with me, Aoba, that's fine." Koujaku continued. "But just don't cry again. Don't be unhappy. And...don't let anyone hurt you like I have." his voice trembled as he spoke those last words, and he sounded a little bitter with shame.

"I don't know what I want anymore." Aoba said. "Too much has happened, too many mistakes have been made, things that can never be erased. I screwed things up, I ruined it all because of what I did. And you hurt me, and I can never trust you again. I still love you, Koujaku, I could never stop loving you, but you're not the same anymore. And I'm not the same, and I don't think we can ever be the same again." He didn't really know what he was saying, it just felt as though all the suppressed feelings inside of him had finally broken free in a stream of words that poured from his mouth. "I wish...I want it to go back- I-I want to back to how it used to be, but I know it can't. Some things are just so broken they...they can't ever be fixed again." His voice was trembling, but he continued until he had choked out the last word, recalling something his grandmother had said as she lay in a room, not much different from the one he was in now, dying.

 _"I'm broken Aoba. I'm old and broken and dying. I can't be saved, I can't be fixed. You have to prepare for the worst, and promise me you'll cope without me once I'm gone."_

Sunlight had poured through the window as her words echoed between the walls, a golden stream as bright as ever, but at the time Aoba could not remember a day that the world had felt so dark.

Koujaku stared at him in silence, his lips quivering, his red eyes wavering. He looked as though he had a thousand words to say, but he remained silent anyway. After what seemed like an endless era of silence, Aoba spoke up, wiping at the tears in his eyes. "I should-I should go." he said, abruptly standing to leave the room.

"Aoba!" Koujaku called out after him, his voice almost pleading. There was a profound despair etched onto his face, darkening his red eyes like a rain cloud blotting out the sun. "If...if you are happy with that guy, then it's...it's-" he never got to finish his sentence, because his voice suddenly cracked and tears began falling from his eyes, his face sinking into sorrow.

"Koujaku..." Aoba said quietly. "It's not...I don't-" he couldn't think of words to say, to explain the situation and how he felt. Nothing made sense anymore. What did Noiz mean to him? What did Koujaku mean to him? Who did he trust more? Who's side did he want to be by? His mind raced, all the memories from the past few weeks catching up to him, bombarding him in a swirl of visions, of pain, of laughter, of anger and tears. He felt an immense weight crash upon him, like at any moment he could snap beneath the pressure, collapse into a ball on the ground, unable to get up.

"Just go!" Koujaku suddenly snapped, the volume of his voice making Aoba flinch back, fingers of ice running up his spine. "Just go." he repeated, softer this time, sounding hopeless as he hung his head low.

Aoba darted from the room, unable to look back as he shut the door behind him.

He had never really wanted to leave the familiar warmth of that embrace, but he was scared of what might have happened if he had stayed.

Noiz stared at the sky, and for once in his life he felt so small, intimidated by the vast grey blue veil that stretched out above him, like at any moment it could shatter to pieces and fall. He felt so alone beneath that sky, so insignificant and worthless, like how he had felt when his own family had locked him up and thrown away the key. Maybe now it was even worse, because there was only one thing in the world he wanted, and he felt like he would never have it. There would always be something in his way, some obstacle to overcome, some sign telling him that Aoba wasn't his, Aoba would never be his.

"Aoba." A voice interrupted his thoughts, and he looked up, his bewildered gaze meeting soft pink eyes.

"What?" he asked, blinking.

"Have you seen Aoba?" the man asked again, with a warm smile. It took a moment for Noiz to place him, but it was hard to forget snow white hair atop a pale and pretty face. He was one of the bartenders from The Sanguine, and perhaps a friend of Aoba's. His yellow scarf fluttered around his neck, and his hands were buried into the pockets of a long white coat.

"Why?" Noiz muttered, narrowing his eyes.

"You are his boyfriend, right? You should know where he is!" He said in a child like sing song voice.

"Not really." Noiz muttered, feeling his stomach suddenly twist, a bitter feeling crawl up the back of his throat. "Why are you looking for him?" He demanded.

"His brothers are looking for him!" the man chimed, completely ignorant of the darkness in Noiz's tone.

"Fine. I'll call him." he said with a deep sigh.

His face lit up, his pink eyes shining like rose quartz. "Really!? You're the best!" he exclaimed with a wide smile.

"Whatever." Noiz mumbled, as he pulled out his coil and dialed Aoba.

Aoba had just left the hospital, his breathe escaping in small trembling puffs, his stomach heavy with a painful burning. His face was still soaked and shining with tears, and his nose was clogged up and sore from crying. He walked slowly, his heart pounding through his aching head, not really sure of what to do or how to feel. It was truly the end of him and Koujaku. He had faced this feeling many times before in the past week, but even so a small glimmer of hope still remained, a spark of faith in his heart that it would somehow be okay. But that light had been snuffed out, and now he walked slowly, unsure of what to do or where to go, feeling as though any moment the ground beneath his feet could just crumble away, and he would fall, just fall and fall, into an endless world of darkness.

His coil rang, the sharp tone making him jump. He took a deep breathe to try and still himself, and gently wiped his eyes before answering.

"Aoba." It was Noiz, his deep voice cool and calm as always. "There's some freak with white hair looking for you."

"Hey! That's mean! You're so mean!" he heard a voice cry out in the background. A smile almost tugged at his lips.

"That's Clear." he said, hoping his voice wasn't too think or shaky. His nose was still stuffy, and he sniffed deeply. "What does he want?"

"Let me talk to him! Let me talk to Aoba. Aoba! Don't listen to him. He's mean!" Clear sounded excited, like a child when his parents are on the phone. But that was just Clear most of the time. It was hard to believe he was an adult with a job, and even his own place and a rent to pay every month.

"Shut up, idiot!" Noiz spat.

"Be nice, Noiz." Aoba scolded, almost bringing himself to chuckle. It was a little refreshing to hear them converse like this. Suddenly the world didn't seem quite so dark anymore. "What does he want?" Aoba asked again, hoping to get some sort of coherent answer this time.

"He said your brothers are looking for you."

"Ren and Sei!" Clear added in the background.

"I'm sure he knows his brother's names, you-"

"Be nice." Aoba warned, interrupting him before he could throw another insult at Clear.

"Delightful person." Noiz sighed.

"See! I'm a delight!" Clear chirped, sounding rather pleased with himself.

"Sure you are." Noiz retorted sarcastically.

"Wait, wait. Why are they looking for me?" Aoba asked.

"He wants to know why they are looking for him." Noiz said.

"They heard about some fight! They want to make sure you aren't hurt!"

"He said that-"

"Yeah, I heard..." Aoba felt his body go numb for a moment. " Tell him I'm...I'm okay." he replied slowly, recalling what had happened. "Noiz, please. Don't say anything." he lowered his voice, almost pleading. He really didn't want Clear or his brothers to know what had happened. He didn't want them to worry about him, he didn't want to be more of a burden to them than he already was. Or cause them any trouble. If Ren found out someone had tried to kill him, his over protective brotherly instincts would kick in and he'd probably go and hunt the guy down.

"Okay." Noiz said softly. "Are...are you coming back?" he asked, his voice uncharacteristically tense with worry.

"Yeah. If I'm still welcome." Aoba replied softly.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Noiz said.

"We should talk in person. Where are you guys?"

"Where you left me." His words seemed to hold a heavy weight, Aoba could almost feel it press against him even though they were only in a call together. There was something unsaid hanging between them, a question poised in the air, waiting to be asked.

"I'll see you soon, then." he replied uneasily. He wasn't really sure of what else to say.


	19. Stomach Butterflies

Meeting up with Noiz and Clear was a lot more awkward than Aoba had feared. There was a tension in the air between him and Noiz, something thick and heavy hanging over the two of them like a dark fog. And of course Clear, who could be a bit of an over excited idiot at times, was oblivious to the tense atmosphere. Upon seeing Aoba, he ran toward him and embraced him. "Aoba!" he chirped.

Aoba awkwardly twisted out of his friend's arms. "Yeah, hey," he said with a tired smile.

Clear's soft pink eyes closed in on the bruise on his cheek. "Does that not hurt?" he asked, gesturing toward it.

"Not really," Aoba shrugged. Noiz was watching them, a frown on his face and his gaze sharp like cut jade. Aoba glanced over at him warily, wondering if he was still angry. Or perhaps it was jealousy he saw in those cold eyes. Clear didn't seem to notice they were being watched at all. "You're so brave!" he said in awe. To an outsider, someone know didn't know Clear, his behavior might have seemed too friendly, or perhaps flirtatious. But Aoba knew that was just how Clear was, always looking at the world with the wide eyed wonder and innocence of a child. He was over enthusiastic about almost everything, and loved talking to people and learning new things. A lot of people found the white haired man odd, or hard to deal with, but to Aoba he was interesting, and it was refreshing to talk to someone who didn't seem to have a drop of negativity in his body.

As they walked, Clear continued to talk non stop, random, meaningless chatter, from explaining how a girl in The Sanguine had thrown up on one of the tables, to how his new day job in a local cafe was going well. And then he asked Aoba how he had been, and when Aoba was trying to carefully piece together an answer to said question, Clear suddenly gazed up at the sky and got excited over how one of the clouds looked a bit like a jelly fish. Noiz walked a fair distance behind them, and the space between them seemed to grow with each step. It made an uneasy feeling grow in Aoba's stomach, but he tried not to fret over it too much.

Clear continued to talk at him until they parted ways, the sudden silence seeming to press upon him uncomfortably. Warily, he turned to Noiz, waiting for the blond to catch up to him. He wasn't really sure what to expect, and as Noiz approached, they both hesitantly said the other's name at the same time, their voices clashing midair. Aoba looked at Noiz, who was watching him with a cool green gaze. When their eyes met for a brief moment, he felt an odd shock run down his back, like ice in his spine, and quickly looked away again. "W-What were you going to say?" he asked.

"Just...no, never mind. You?" Noiz replied slowly, also looking in the opposite direction.

"I'm gonna go see my brothers," Aoba replied.

"Okay. Will you be coming back later?"

"I don't know. Am I allowed to?"

"Yeah, whatever," he said, suddenly reaching out and wrapping an arm around Aoba, pulling the blue haired man closer, carefully holding his chin. All traces of his shyness from moments ago were gone, and his eyes burned brightly with a new look of determination. He slowly traced Aoba's lips with the tip of his thumb before softly kissing them, a small series of pecks that sent warm shivers coursing through his body. "You're always welcome in my bed," he said with a small smirk as he leaned in for another kiss, tracing his tongue over Aoba's lips. Aoba pulled back at that moment, and a look of dismay crossed Noiz's face, as Aoba just stared at him, his mouth slightly open, his face gradually turning a shade of red. He really hadn't expected Noiz to suddenly kiss him and shock of it left him wide eyed and speechless. But then again, when was he ever able to anticipate the younger man's actions?

"Or the couch," Noiz added, his eyes narrowing "Whatever." He seemed to have taken some offence to Aoba's reaction.

Aoba took a deep breathe. "I-I'm gonna go now," he sputtered. "I'll see you later."

He walked all the way to his brother's house, but as soon as he found himself on the front path, staring at the door, all his resolve suddenly shattered and he couldn't bring himself to go inside. It should have looked and felt so familiar to be there, just as he had been countless times before, but for some reason he felt like he was staring at the house of a stranger, not the home he had spent most of his life growing up in.

The once colourful flowers and plants that lined the pathway now seemed so dull and withered, as though all the life had bled from them. The door itself seemed to stare back at him with unwelcoming and unfriendly eyes, and the path stretched out farther and farther until it seemed a mile long before him, that front door a tiny speck in the distance. The atmosphere suddenly seemed heavy, like the sky was crushing him, and a coldness filled his body, like ice being poured down his throat. Without really thinking, he turned away, his shaky legs walking him in the opposite direction, seemingly of their own accord.

He slowly made his way back to Noiz's, a feeling of helplessness washing through him. He cursed himself for still being such a coward, unable to step foot in that place, as though it was a house of horrors and something dark and frightening lurked beyond those walls, waiting for him. If his Granny saw him now she would be ashamed of the man he had become. He was a weak man, a man who had made a mess of everything and hadn't found the strength to clean up after himself.

Noiz's apartment seemed so still, dark and empty, with the blonde man nowhere to be seen. Maybe he'd left for a reason. Maybe he was purposely avoiding Aoba because he didn't want to see him. Maybe he was out with someone else. Aoba felt his stomach clench at the thought and tried to swallow the uneasiness. What did it matter if he was anyway? Noiz wasn't his partner, he was free to do what he wanted with whoever he wanted, and Aoba had no right to tell him otherwise.

Aoba, with a feeling or worry gnawing away at the back of his mind, made his way to the living room and threw himself onto the sofa, overcome with exhaustion more than anything else. As soon as he lay down, all the energy seemed to drain from him like water from a faucet, until he felt he was no longer able to move. It was like his bones were slowly transforming into stone and his eyelids were being pulled shut by an unseen force. A hollow sleepiness gradually overcame him in waves, and unable to fight it any longer, he was pulled into a world of dark dreams.

He couldn't really remember what he had dreamed of, only that when he awoke, the sludge of sleepiness still blurry in his heavy eyes, a deep fear had rooted itself into his racing heart, and he bolted up, confused by the dark and unfamiliar surroundings that swam into focus. There was another presence in the room, a shadow creeping into the edge of his vision. His nerves seemed to jolt, like guitar strings being plucked, the hair on the back of his neck shooting up.

"Calm down," a familiar voice said. "It's just me." Noiz stepped forward into the light, his facial expression as indecipherable as ever, his green eyes dull with a certain tiredness.

Aoba felt his tight nerves loosen, and sank back into the sofa with a small sigh of relief. "You scared me," he said with a nervous chuckle, closing his eyes.

"You going back to sleep?" the blond asked.

"Might as well," Aoba replied with tired yawn.

"Here?" Noiz asked, his voice strangely cold.

Aoba sighed. "Is there a problem?" he asked.

"You know there's a problem," he said quietly.

"What's the issue? I just want to sleep," Aoba protested, feeling irritated. He really didn't have the energy to get into some debate with Noiz. "You said I was still welcome here."

"That's not the point,"

"I don't understand," Aoba said, his stomach feeling tight.

"Why did you come back? I told you not to come back." His voice was strangely low, and the darkness painted harsh shadows on his solemn face. There was something about the way he looked at Aoba, his eyes wavering like a frightened child, lost and alone. It made a sick worry twist through his stomach like barbs.

"Noiz..."

"I'm no good for you," he said, his quiet voice strained. "I'm no good..."

"Of course you're good," Aoba reassured him, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

"Aoba..." Noiz's voice came out in a sigh, and he leaned down and kissed him, immediately deepening into something urgent and frenzied, his arms wrapping around Aoba so tight that it was almost crushing, his frantic lips advancing on his as though he was determined to drink every last drop of his breath. Aoba too wrapped his arms around Noiz, pulling him down, his hands making their way behind his neck, his fingers curling into his short blond hair. It was an unexpected moment of heat and passion, but he found himself being pulled into it, desperately craving more. He wanted Noiz to keep kissing him until he could no longer breathe, to keep pulling him closer and closer until his warmth consumed him, to hold him and touch him until the feelings of his body and hands were so familiar that they were engraved upon his skin.

Noiz suddenly lifted him, with an alarming amount of ease, and for a dizzying moment he felt as though he was flying as he was carried through to the bedroom and thrown onto the bed, his head landing against the pillows with a soft thud. He let out a small gasp and immediately Noiz was on top of him, stealing up his lips in another intensely heated kiss, before lowering his mouth to his neck, sending a shiver through his body that made all the hairs on his skin stand on edge. "I can't stop thinking about you," Noiz panted hoarsely between kisses, his breathe tingling against Aoba's bare skin, making him shudder slightly. "I always want to be with you, to hold you," he continued. "What have you done to me?" he asked with a low chuckle, pressing his lips to Aoba's collarbone.

The sound of Noiz's voice, quiet and seductive, the emotional intimacy of his words and the feeling of his warm lips pressing against his skin, left Aoba feeling entranced, his thoughts drowned out by the sweetness. He tried to speak, but instead a low moan fell from his lips and he felt the heat of embarrassment rush to his face.

"Oh god," Noiz muttered, slipping his hands beneath the material of Aoba's top, his hot fingers smoothly tracing the lines of his body. Aoba felt his muscles go tense under the touch, and at the same time fire seemed to burn under his skin. He bit down on his lip, trying to suppress the shuddering moan that wanted to break free. "I want you, Aoba," Noiz whispered, pushing his mouth against Aoba's jaw, at the same time tugging his top up, prompting him to take it off. Once it was removed and thrown across the room somewhere, Noiz lowered his head to Aoba's bare body and began kissing his exposed skin all over, from his nipples to his lower abdomen, as though to claim every inch with his lips. Aoba trembled and groaned beneath him, a sweet warmth gradually growing in his hips, strong shivers bolting down his spine.

Noiz began tugging at his pants, and with a tremendous amount of effort, his face flushed and his skin boiling, Aoba managed to push himself up onto his elbows. "N-Noiz" he just barely gasped as the blond slid his pants and underwear over his hips, hot fingers brushing his outer thighs, and placed himself between Aoba's slightly parted legs. "What?" he asked huskily, leaning down and pressing his lips against Aoba's stomach. Aoba jolted at the sensation, his thoughts running away from him for a moment. Noiz continued to trail kisses along his stomach, leaving a heated blaze across his skin as his lips got lower and lower. Dangerously low. Anticipation built like swirling fire inside him, and he found his hips rocking lightly of their own accord as he slightly arched his back, his body quivering as he tried his best to stay still. "Let m-me do something," he finally said, his voice strained and pleading.

"Like what?" the younger man asked, looking directly up at Aoba. His green eyes were clouded over with an intense heat, but yet somehow sharp and focused. He could almost feel that gaze burn into him, like needles of fire on his skin. While still staring at him with those piercing eyes, the younger man's mouth twitched up at the corners with a seductive smirk, and his tongue darted from between his lips, caressing the head of Aoba's half hard cock before he embraced it with his warm and welcoming mouth. A shock of pleasure ran through Aoba's body, a sweet sensation that tingled from the tips of his toes to the top of his head, making him want to cry out. "What is it you want to do?" Noiz asked, removing his lips from Aoba's length before placing them back around the head, wrapping his fingers tightly around the base.

"I-I don't...know!" The blue haired man croaked, feeling all the strength drain from his legs as Noiz began sucking him off. It felt good to have Noiz's lips wrapped around his cock, the soft heat and wetness enveloping his length as it was consumed, the slow waves of pleasure that began rocking through his body, gradually building into something intense and sweeter. But in the back of his mind, there was a slight agitation, something nagging away at him. He wanted to do something too, he wanted to touch and hold Noiz too, he felt useless, like he was just lying there while the blond did all the work for him. He knew he should just enjoy it, indulge in the feeling of Noiz giving him a blowjob, it seemed crazy to want this to stop when it felt so, so good.

He lowered a hand, placing it on Noiz's head, feeling the softness of his short blond hair against his palm, before grabbing a fistful of his hair and tugging, trying to pull his head away. "Noiz, please," he begged, as the blond removed Aoba's cock from his mouth, his eyebrows shooting up.

"What?" he mumbled, a soft caress of hot breathe against Aoba's hard cock, glistening with saliva, making him shudder.

Aoba felt the irritation of being all pent up with no release, but he was the one who had stopped Noiz so he had no right to complain. "I want to touch you, too," he said quietly, his face burning up.

"You can, after," he said with an amused smirk, bringing his lips back down to Aoba's shaft. It was so tempting to just let him continue, to watch that head bob up and down on him, to release come into his mouth, but Aoba's guilty conscience won out, and he tugged at Noiz's hair again. "Now," he said, feeling a little dazed by the whole situation. "I don't want it to be all about me, so let me touch you now," his voice was louder and more confident, and the look of surprise on Noiz's face was worth all the burning embarrassment.

"Fine," Noiz muttered, frowning as he pulled away. He seemed to give Aoba measured look, his eyes narrowing, before he spoke again, and this time he leaned closer so his mouth was directly next to Aoba's ear. "I have an idea," he whispered, nibbling at his earlobe, before sliding his tongue into Aoba's ear. It was slick and wet, and felt a little odd as the other man's tongue swirled around inside, but in his current state, the strange sensation only added to his arousal and he let out a heated breathe. "What?" he asked finally, somewhat dreading the answer to that question. Noiz seemed like the kind of guy that was up for pretty much anything. "Just follow my lead," he replied, his voice almost commanding, yet still gentle.

Aoba did as he was told, in nervous anticipation, his body trembling, and soon he was on top of Noiz, his hand diving into his underwear and removing his half hard penis. Meanwhile, his hips were raised, with Noiz's head between his legs, with an embarrassingly full view of his ass, as he placed Aoba's hanging dick in his mouth and began once more to suck him off. It had taken some difficulty for them to get into this position, and at first it had been awkward, but as the pleasure re surged inside Aoba, like a spark igniting a fire, he forgot all about that, and was soon moaning, his voice muffed around Noiz's erection.

He'd never done anything like this before, it was all brand new, and he was having a hard time focusing his mouth on sucking Noiz's dick while Noiz's consumed his own. The hard member seemed to fill his entire mouth, and the metal balls of the small piercings that lined it scraped against his inner cheeks and clacked against his teeth. He tried to concentrate on bobbing his head up and down while he firmly held the base, swirling his tongue around the tip. But the pool of fire that built within him was becoming too much, a sweet sensation growing between his legs. A sudden wave of pleasure ran through him, Noiz's tongue hitting somewhere just right, and he distantly realised that a finger was probing at his asshole, adding to the stimulation. Said finger was suddenly rammed in deep with no warning, and he jolted, a loud moan pouring from his lips as it rubbed roughly against his inner walls.

It was then he removed Noiz's cock from his mouth, feeling it was all too much and he was no longer able to draw in breathe properly. It made a wet popping sound, and saliva and other bodily fluids that weren't his own dribbled from his lips, soaking his chin. He felt the sensation increase in intensity, waves of pleasure crashing through his body, and for the moment he gave in, wanting to let the feeling burn him up from the inside out. Noiz's mouth continued to work his cock while his finger worked his ass, and the pleasure intensified tenfold, something inside him being struck just right, resonating like musical notes inside his sweating body. He felt a shudder tear right through him, from his finger tips to his toes, and the next thing he knew he was quaking as he came. With a desperate need to hold onto something, as though his life depended on it, he involuntarily dug his fingers into the soft skin of Noiz's thighs, crying out as his seed burst into the other man's mouth.

"Ahhh...Noiz," he panted. He tried to say something, but there were no words to say, nothing could form in his mind, so he just let out small gasping breathes, trying to pull himself together. "Noiz..." he spoke quietly after a moment, his mind still bleary. "I'll finish you off now," he said, his lips grazing the other man's dick.

"No," Noiz said, maneuvering himself out from underneath Aoba. "I want to finish inside of you."

Aoba somehow had enough embarrassment left in his body to paint his cheeks red when he realised what Noiz meant by that, as the man shifted away from where he lay beneath him.

"Ok," he muttered absently, his throat feeling dry.

Noiz took Aoba from behind, grabbing his hips and plunging into him with urgency. He had been so close to coming before, tapering on the edge of release, and it took only a few quick thrusts to push him over, spilling into the blue haired man's ass as he groaned and panted. As soon as he pulled out, they both collapsed onto the bed, breathing rapid, erratic breathes. "Aoba..." he managed to say quietly after a moment. The other man rolled over to face him, his head buried into the soft pillows, his hair streaming all over the place like streaks of vivid blue paint. "What?" he mumbled sleepily, his eyes already half lidded.

He reached out a hand, carefully pushing back some of the messy hair that fell over his face. "I really care about you, Aoba," he said, with sincerity, feeling his heart flutter with a warm joy. "I think I might love you," he added, to which Aoba's hazel eyes widened, and his jaw worked, his mouth opening before tightly shutting again in a straight line. "You don't have to say anything," Noiz gently reassured him, moving his hand to trace the shape of his lips with his fingers. Those perfect lips, not exactly plump, but not too thin either, soft and pale, exceptional for kissing. "I just want you to know how I feel."

It took Aoba a stunned moment to respond. "I don't feel ready to love anyone again," he muttered, dropping his gaze apologetically. Noiz felt his heart plunge, like a sunken ship falling into the darkest depths. His stomach clenched with a cold sickness, and his throat clogged up as though he'd swallowed mud. Aoba's hand gently cupped his face. "But I care about you. A lot," he said firmly, leaning in to gently graze his lips against Noiz's. "God, this whole situation is so fucked," he muttered with a breathless chuckle, shifting on the bed to close the space between the two of them. Relief washed all the icy coldness from Noiz's gut, and he embraced Aoba, pulling him so close their bodies were tangled together, legs entwined, arms wrapped around each other. "I love you anyway," he said, and even as the words escaped his lips with slightly more confidence than before, he still felt as though he was about to vomit a thousand butterflies.


End file.
